W
WallflowerGirl83
Guest
I haven't posted in quite awhile. Guess you could kinda say I needed time. I'm not trying to purposely ignore anyone. People are welcome to PM me and talk to me. It may take awhile to get back, I've just been trying to get things together. Took me a long time to get this out. For the longest time I always was worried what people would think of me. I suffered with social anxiety and was very shy and quiet. When I was 19 years old I started smoking cigarettes and drinking beer or alcohol. I wasn't doing this to try to look cool, I was simply trying to bury my past of abuse that I went through when I was a child. There was a lot of hate, anger, sadness and pain inside. Later on down my life I abused drugs with one of my boyfriend's and in the end everything blew up. It went from him and I broke up with him because he stopped abusing pills and I didn't want to be a burden on him. My best friend contacted me again after being mad at me and at first him and I were just friends. Overtime things grew and grew and I told him about my past abusive relationships and how somehow I'm attracted to horrible men. I ended up getting therapy and I honestly didn't want to talk to anyone because I was so sad inside. That's a lot for someone to take in. After awhile people get worn out and drained by all of that. My only escape was drugs and I started abusing drugs once again and in the end when he stopped abusing Meth, he later ended his life because he couldn't handle the withdrawal. However I managed to get over my addiction habit to pills. I never wanted anyone to see us. My mother in the end found my tin foil in my room and asked me why I needed tin foil for and why my best friend was constantly passing out on my bed half the time. He would be up and than when he crash all he did was sleep. When he crashed it was horrible. He would cry for hours and him and we would hug each other crying. Finally in the end we ended up loving one another. It was such a tragedy though. We loved each other and wanted to escape our addictions and he would always hold me and one night he woke up sobbing and told me how depressed he was. Once he died it took me months to speak of it and it took me months to even mention a happy memory of him. Crystal Meth is a horrible drug. It ruined my best friend's life and later I found out I got precancer on my cervix. To be honest with you, I blame smoking cigarettes, smoking those Roxy pills and drinking alcohol. I'm done with drugs and I don't even drink anymore. Sure I may sound boring to you. I honestly don't care. I simply refuse to drink alcohol. All it did was ruin my life. Alcohol and pills tainted my life and I lost my best friend because of Meth. He's dead and he's not coming back. He was cremated and I sat on his bed looking at all his albums and films and action figures. Once I came out his mother gave me his bubble machine maker and a few of his records. His bubble machine maker is resting on my dresser untouched. I think tomorrow I'm finally deciding to use it again. He may be gone, he still lives on in my heart though. Not to long ago I watched Me, Earl and The Dying Girl and this quote stuck out to me the most for some reason. I copied and paste it from the actual script that I found online.
Yeah, I've just been busy.
You know, I heard...
...about Rachel.
How you holding up?
You know...
...not great.
You know, my dad died
when I was 15, Greg.
A couple years
younger than you.
You know, the thing is that,
when I was a kid...
...I really,
I really can only remember
thinking about him as this...
...you know, big,
kind of like ******* guy.
At his wake,
these buddies of his
kept coming up to me...
...and telling me
these stories about him.
And it was like
they were talking about
some complete other guy.
To give you an example.
He knew every single
European pop song
from the 1970s.
He'd memorize these songs,
and he'd do that
so he could go...
...and sing them
to German girls in bars.
He had a go-to,
his number one
go-to song. It was a...
It was a Dutch song.
It was called Ding-a-Dong.
My dad used to sing that
to German girls in bars.
That's a fact.
So what does that mean?
Well, Greg, I think that
it just means that...
...even after somebody dies,
you can...
...you can still
keep learning about them.
You know, their life.
It can keep unfolding
itself to you just as long...
...just as long as
you pay attention to it.
Yeah, I've just been busy.
You know, I heard...
...about Rachel.
How you holding up?
You know...
...not great.
You know, my dad died
when I was 15, Greg.
A couple years
younger than you.
You know, the thing is that,
when I was a kid...
...I really,
I really can only remember
thinking about him as this...
...you know, big,
kind of like ******* guy.
At his wake,
these buddies of his
kept coming up to me...
...and telling me
these stories about him.
And it was like
they were talking about
some complete other guy.
To give you an example.
He knew every single
European pop song
from the 1970s.
He'd memorize these songs,
and he'd do that
so he could go...
...and sing them
to German girls in bars.
He had a go-to,
his number one
go-to song. It was a...
It was a Dutch song.
It was called Ding-a-Dong.
My dad used to sing that
to German girls in bars.
That's a fact.
So what does that mean?
Well, Greg, I think that
it just means that...
...even after somebody dies,
you can...
...you can still
keep learning about them.
You know, their life.
It can keep unfolding
itself to you just as long...
...just as long as
you pay attention to it.
