How to build a solid social circle?

I guess this is the best sub-forum for this topic.

I've been more or less lonely for most of my life.

I had a couple of friends at a young age 4-12 years of age. I remember that it was a big deal during my birthdays when I could only invite two other people. I didn't bother, but looking back, I can see my parents concern.

During 7-9 grade in school my father even stepped up at a "teacher-parent" meeting and said right out that I was lonely enough as it was during my freetime, and that I should see other kids at school. I was sitting alone in the classroom at the time (since I had no friends) and after my fathers outburst the teacher switched the seat of another student in the class so that he would sit beside me, in a futile attempt to create a friendship between us I guess...

I felt so much shame over that.

Since then I've struggled with life, like most people I guess. Up to this point there's been three time periods where I've made friends and then lost them again.

I make friends, we have a great time together, then we lose all contact and I have to start all over from scratch. This is because I move around alot, due to my studies. I started out in a nearby town. I met my first girlfriend and had my first real love-relationship, had some buddies and had a good time.

Then I moved back home to my mothers apartment. Lost all of those friends and my girlfriend cheated on me. I built up a new life I met some cool guys and especially this one girl I fancied. So I hung out with her a lot, I asked her if she wanted to hang out and she said yes! We went out, we went to the beach here in Sweden, we went walking for hours in the woods, we got silly drunk together and played video games till the break of dawn. I loved her, and I know she loved me back. But one day she found another guy, you know, who was "better" and more (in her own words "convenient" for her).

Broke my heart, that girl.

I moved to another city, due to my studies. I found a new group of friends, took me a year of trials and hardships, struggling with social anxiety, to get into the group, but when I did, it was lovely! I met this girl again, nothing like the one before, but I liked her, we snuggled and watched movies and such. But then she suddenly turned all cold on me... I guess I didn't make the cut or something?

So I applied for the university and I got in! And last year I spent doing a hard work with my studies but completely failing on the social part.

Now, in a month, I'm supposed to go back there, my second year with no friends, no love, nothing. I got my work to do and I take pride in that, but what am I fighting for if I can't even make anybody love me?

I don't know how to make friends in this new town. I've spent a full year here now with no success, and I feel like a failure. I'm almost 30 now and I just want to have stable life and start to build a family. But I got nothing, no friends, no love and barely any hope for the future.

What do I do? And how to I reclaim friends and build a romantic relationship with someone?

We both sound like we are in much the same situation. I'm a recluse and I work from home. Very few chances to meet people. I've always had a natural tendency to shun people for various reasons. I used to fight against that tendency and made my life miserable in doing so, but now I embrace it.

Do you have any interests or hobbies that you can pursue that would put you around other people? You could attend classes with lots of girls. I hear that yoga classes tend to be filled with women. This is true of many health, craft, and art activities.

FreedomFromLiberty said:

I've always had a natural tendency to shun people for various reasons.

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Thanks for that. I've often wondered if it was me or them. I'm determining that there are a lot of you out there.

My peers can't stand me, and get pretty vicious. I figure it's because I'm not aggressive like they are, so they can't use me for their gain.

I've mostly had friends with certifiable mental issues. In their moments of sanity, we've had good times. Sadly, their insatiability ends the friendships.

Fragile said:

we snuggled and watched movies and such. But then she suddenly turned all cold on me... I guess I didn't make the cut or something?

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That's the story of my life.

I can share your feeling of moving around a lot and having to start over so many times, I think after my third school change I gave up completely, I will be going into my final year of university and have no friends, when I started I thought it would be fine because I could "focus" on my work, and it works out fine for a few months, I produce excellent results, but then depression will kick in and I will fall behind and become so discouraged that I end up with only good and not excellent results, and when you spend your time doing nothing and having no social activities it's reasonable to expect that the one thing you actually do, you should do well in.

I can't really advise, but if you are good at your studies, then maybe join a society/club or create one, that is relevant to your course, if you truly know what you are about, then people will look to you for help with work and stuff, and although it may seem selfish, it is a good way to secure you a place among your fellow students and a respectful place at that. Furthermore if you are smart, then I guess you have the advantage when people are looking for study partners, or maybe even a bit of rivalry.

I have somehow the same problem, never had "real" friends who could understand me. I also lived abroad for a long time but couldnt fit in there, now that i'am back in my country i cannot find a group of friends. People think i had a lot of experiences for living abroad and want me to explains it to them but i got Nothing special to talk about. I want to start my life from scratch but not easy when i dont have Something to build it on. Plus having no friends, no past, lacking the experiences normal people my age have makes it hard to get along in a group of people since it makes me look suspect.
So i would like to give aou some advices but since i'am in the same situation i dont really have a clue
Good luck!