Allow me to re-introduce myself!!! (in best Chris Parnell voice)

Hi,

It's been awhile since I'd last logged in, and I'd like to give this another go.

I live in Albany, NY. Just a guy with an IT job and a strong curiosity about the world around him. This is, as I am made to understand, incredibly lame. Such is life. Anyway, when I'd last logged in (late '13), I'd been a member of a social club. I'd been a member for three years, and witnessed most members craving external validation via Facebook, but not doing a whole lot in real life. For the most part, this involved folks posting pictures of their dinner and the like. I did try very hard to get people to go out and do interesting things of their choice, and in that I was very mildly successful. So, I quit, and tried joining other local area groups, but was always brushed off. That being the case, regarding friends, I have none.

Then, there's relationships. I've done the online thing, and have witnessed a pattern after twenty years: these are not the women I want to have a relationship with. The whole "shopping" mentallity of online dating does nothing to help anyone, and I believe we'd all be much better off meeting potential partners in real life. For me, that involves attending events for groups that I'm not a part of, or heading to the bar and buying drinks for women all night, which I refuse to do. Regarding relationships, I've had none.

Soooo... any suggestions? Since I'd last logged in, I've read a lot about philosophy, particularly Existentialism and Epicureanism. I believe that Epicurus may have been on to something about purposely not being in relationships, but he was adamant in stating that people need friends, absolutely. If I was able to make some friends, I don't think the "no relationship" thing would be quite the concern that it is. Admittedly, I'm an introvert, but that doesn't mean I want to cut people completely out of my life.

I find it difficult driving around downtown, as I was just doing this evening, seeing people all over the place, and realizing that I have no way of connecting with them. Could be I'm just wildly socially inept. Anyway, I'd appreciate any and all suggestions!

Thanks,

The Dude

Suggestions, you say? OK, you're really articulate and obviously pretty brainy but I'm not getting any sense of how you're actually feeling about anything or what it's like being you, living in the world. One word to describe my impression of this one post of yours that I've read? Depersonalized.

That's one guy's impression of just one post, but if I met someone talking like that in the real world, I'd be asking myself what's really going on behind all that academic sounding wordage.

constant stranger said:

Suggestions, you say? OK, you're really articulate and obviously pretty brainy but I'm not getting any sense of how you're actually feeling about anything or what it's like being you, living in the world. One word to describe my impression of this one post of yours that I've read? Depersonalized.

That's one guy's impression of just one post, but if I met someone talking like that in the real world, I'd be asking myself what's really going on behind all that academic sounding wordage.

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Thanks for your reply, and yes, having re-read my post, yeah, it's a bit robotic. Day to day, I feel left out. Things I used to take pleasure in no longer satisfy me since I have no one to share experiences with. Way before social media, there were actual communities with actual clubs for people with interests or enjoyments to share. Now, there's Meetup.com, which features groups with very specific themes, and then... well... in my neck of the woods that's all there is besides bars. When I first moved to Albany I used to go to a karate class which I really enjoyed. It's something I'd very much wanted to try since I was young. The instructor was seriously cool, and made the class very challenging, but enjoyable. That school closed, and the others I've tried since resemble more of a cult than a school. For the past few months I've been taking violin lessons, but that involves only myself and my teacher. As hip as she is, she does not compromise a group to socialize with. So I feel lonely. I also feel that, being a few weeks from 40, my life is slipping by quickly and, out of ignorance on my part, I don't know how to make it meaningful. It's terrifying, to be honest. I feel completely alienated, and I have no idea what to do about that.

So, yeah, those are the feelings for now. I'm hoping there's some cool thing I was just too thick to realize.

Who's Chris Parnell?

soresoul said:

Who's Chris Parnell?

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Saturday Night Live reference. Look for a video called "Lazy Sunday 2".

I was going to look up Eddie Murphy skit on buckwheat so I'll look that up too.

You're turning 40 are you? Every decade that goes by, that year's birthday kind of seems like a milestone pointing out where we are on life's journey and you're not too contented with your place on the map, it seems.

I'm reluctant to insult your intelligence by presuming to know what's right for you to do and make suggestions that would probably be stating the obvious anyway....

However, I will share a few things in the hope that just by contributing to the dialogue, maybe this forum's mission might inch its way forward a bit.

I turned 40 twenty years ago and I'm still not happy and I'm alone a lot of the time but contentment seems like a doable thing more days than not, if that makes any sense. I only have one meaningful person in my life and that's a romantic friendship that has a man / woman thrill pulsing through it.

Where and how to form relationships? I'm not the guy who should be giving advice. The venue that's worked for me is public service volunteering where I met and partnered with the lady I mentioned....she and I have our own one-on-one activities now.


In previous societies communal endeavors like harvesting the fields, or working a village's fishing net, or maintaining the local irrigation canals or something like that, would be a venue where one could notice an interesting person....someone smart and efficient or someone with a hot body....whatever. In the modern world those opportunities don't seem to be there, or at least I don't know of them.

The deep structure that seems operative here is locate an enterprise that serves a communal purpose, enlist in it, identify the interesting people willing to be part of something bigger than themselves, choose someone who seems hot and then go try your luck.

A romantic friendship... sounds like exactly what I'm hoping for.

I'll look around for something in a volunteer situation and see what happens. Thanks for the suggestion, and I'll post how that works out.

Welcome back, TheDude76.

Thanks, good to be back!