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wadokai

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I'm feeling very defeated.

I'm in a love-less marriage, I have no money, I have no job, nothing seems to be getting better.

Worst of all, my so called "wife" is nothing but a drain of energy and happiness. She brings me so much pain and anxiety. I truly hate her.

I would divorce her in a heart beat but problem is that my name is tied to my mom's house. And I don't want my mom to lose her house just because I divorce this person.

She's so ungrateful. Nothing I do counts. Ever. I try to keep her happy. I try to keep positive about the relationship and try to make it work but it just doesn't work...she's just such a terrible person. So negative, looks at everything with a negative twist. You could be trying to save her from falling and she will put a negative twist to your action and view it that way.

I regret ever having married her. I want to blame my family for getting me involved in this crap. This was an arranged marriage. I can't believe I agreed to it. I was thinking for the happiness of my family, but this same girl is the biggest source of grief for me and my family.

Sigh I don't know what to do. I feel so hopeless.

On top of it all, i have no work so I'm running on employment insurance..which is gonna end very soon. I haven't gotten a single call for an interview even though I've been applying for several months. I have very little money, not even enough to pay off all my bills...and the bills happen because i have no cash in hand...

I see no hope...I just want to run away from everything and everyone...Escape my reality.
 
wadokai said:
I would divorce her in a heart beat but problem is that my name is tied to my mom's house. And I don't want my mom to lose her house just because I divorce this person.

I don't what the laws are in your area, or where you are at all, but typically, any properties owned before the marriage aren't capable of being collateral for anything. So, if you purchased, say a vehicle before your marriage to her, she has no legal right to gain that property. If this is your mother's house, I assume that it was purchased or mortgaged before the marriage? Spouses can't just take everything they want. In many places anyway. Unless they play dirty. I'm sure there's a loophole here or there. You'll have to check your laws if you're really looking to actually going for a divorce.
 
Thank you for your reply. Yes I need to seek legal counsel in regards to this. But I have not enough money.. so need to find a job and stick around with this bs and try not to lose my mind.
 
I'm so sorry you're going through such a relationship. Your story sounds so similar to my husband when he talks about his ex; having him work all day every day, having him do all the housework when he gets home at dark, then expecting him to participate in her acting career at weekends. He'd say how self entitled and ungrateful she was, and you can probably relate to that.

As Vanilla said, research the law for your country and/or state. Google may provide you with the info you need without having to pay for it. Perhaps your countrys government website has that information.

I wish I could offer more to you however PM me if ever you want someone to talk to.
 
Definitely talk to a lawyer and see what your options are. Is the house only in your name or is it in your mom's too? That would make a difference.

But, for the time being, what about separating?

I hope you figure something out.
 
Speak to a lawyer about the house and then file for divorce. If money is short at this moment in time then request a separation but do NOT leave the house. Perhaps just the mention of it will show her how strongly you feel and convince her to join you in marriage counselling (which I recommend going to even if its just you alone), perhaps not but either way it has to be done.

I remained within a love less (and intimacy less) marriage for 8 years and it caused a lot of damage to both of us. At the time I was scared about filing for divorce as I had feelings of guilt and a fear of the unknown but looking back, it was one of the best decisions that I needed to make. She wasn't a nasty person per say but it felt more like a parent/child relationship in that I was doing all the housework, picking up all the bills, dealing with all the responsibilities and all I got in return was someone who would rather play video games and surf the internet on her laptop all night. There was no co-operation, no companionship and worst of all no conversation. The constant silence was what finally pushed me to man up and file for divorce.

If you want to vent to someone who's been there, feel free to PM me and I shall offer what advice I can.
 
find someone you trust and "sell" the house to him/her that way it will no longer be in your name or be your property, she cant claim anything.

later you can "buy" your house back.
 
Can you sign your house over to your mother? I would do that. Then proceed with the divorce. It sounds like there really aren't any assets other than that, so it shouldn't be a complicated divorce once that is taken care of.
 
Thanks for your input everyone.

It seems my only option is to get a job (which I'm desperately trying to do) and save up money for a lawyer.

You know what the sad part is? If the divorce happens, I will be free from her, but it won't be any better. I'll still be the same old me, who doesn't have luck in love. Oh well, at least it will be less stress.
 
wadokai said:
I'm feeling very defeated.

I'm in a love-less marriage, I have no money, I have no job, nothing seems to be getting better.

Worst of all, my so called "wife" is nothing but a drain of energy and happiness. She brings me so much pain and anxiety. I truly hate her.

I would divorce her in a heart beat but problem is that my name is tied to my mom's house. And I don't want my mom to lose her house just because I divorce this person.

She's so ungrateful. Nothing I do counts. Ever. I try to keep her happy. I try to keep positive about the relationship and try to make it work but it just doesn't work...she's just such a terrible person. So negative, looks at everything with a negative twist. You could be trying to save her from falling and she will put a negative twist to your action and view it that way.


On top of it all, i have no work so I'm running on employment insurance..which is gonna end very soon. I haven't gotten a single call for an interview even though I've been applying for several months. I have very little money, not even enough to pay off all my bills...and the bills happen because i have no cash in hand...

I see no hope...I just want to run away from everything and everyone...Escape my reality.



I can understand this and you are in a very unhealthy and toxic marriage. Of course you would want to blame your family for what happened, since you said this is an arranged marriage. It's understandable.



wadokai said:
I regret ever having married her. I want to blame my family for getting me involved in this crap. This was an arranged marriage. I can't believe I agreed to it. I was thinking for the happiness of my family, but this same girl is the biggest source of grief for me and my family.

Sigh I don't know what to do. I feel so hopeless.

Let me be honest here, you should always care and think about your own happiness whenever you take a decision, this is what will happen if you do things for the sake of doing, or for someone else's happiness be it anyone even your family or for all the wrong reasons. You have to understand at the end of the day it's your life and you have to live your life.

Secondly you said it was arranged marriage so I can assume no force was applied on you to accept this marriage, you agree out of your own free will even if it was for the sake of your family's happiness, still that was a wrong reason. You should have thought your family is not getting married, you are the one who is getting married. Hence the final decision should have been yours considering your own future and happiness rather than thinking about your family's happiness.

Just remember always learn to say NO when you know you must say. Never say Yes when you want to say No. You should always do what you think is right and face the consequences instead of doing things for the sake of doing.

Hence learn from your mistakes, from your experience and don't repeat them again in future. In your case divorce is the best option and you know it yourself but then you have your problems again.

All I can say is good luck.
 
wadokai said:
You know what the sad part is? If the divorce happens, I will be free from her, but it won't be any better. I'll still be the same old me, who doesn't have luck in love. Oh well, at least it will be less stress.

Well, you shouldn't think like that. I strongly believe that it's much better to lead your life alone, single instead of being in a wrong relationship and with a person totally unworthy of you.

It's much better to face the challenges of leading your life single instead of being in a painful relationship with an unworthy person.

I am not saying that you shouldn't have a relationship again, or you shouldn't be in love again what I am saying is comparatively speaking leading a single life or being alone is much better compared to a " WRONG" relationship.

Hence there is nothing wrong if you want to love again, or have another relationship and get married again( sometime in future perhaps) but then make sure you have learnt from your mistakes so that you will take better and right decisions and not do things for the sake of doing.

Hope you are getting the point.?
 
As much as I hate to admit to it I live the same unhappy married life. Although mine was not arranged I was to foolish to walk away before years past. Now just like you I'm tied down with credit card debt, house, and a child. Divorce is such a scary term and you are taking the right approach of being cautious before making a move. I don't have to much advice in that department as I battle my own trying to figure things out. But, what I do know for sure is you need a job asap. Not only for money and stability but to take your mind off things. I don't have the most exciting job in the world nor one I enjoy but that 8-5 Monday - Friday is almost the freedom I need to detach myself from some of the stress. So my advice is get a job no matter the work. You could be bagging groceries at a local food mart for all you care but trust me it will be good to be away from home and all the stress. Plus being in a toxic marriage and economically stressed is twice the burden. Good luck my friend and always remember you're not alone!
 
@ Wadokai.

Wow, I sort of envy you, because heck, at least you found a person to marry and be with. At least you're not lonely living in one-bedroom apartment, ...coming home from work with nobody to talk to regarding stress/issues stemming from work.

I guess the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence.

But I feel for you, since your wife doesn't seem to care for you, and you feel that she's a burden on your life.

Do you both have any kids?

I'd say if you're not happy with her, sit down and talk this out. Otherwise, go to an attorney's office and file for divorce.

I have read your info on your house, and from my understanding, usually, anything that you owned PRIOR to marriage, is yours, and your wife cannot gain inheritance of it after the divorce. Good luck.
 

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