Hello.
I've backspaced on my first sentence several times here and to be honest, I'm still not satisfied with it. I'm here because I have nowhere else to go. I'm here because I am lonely. I want to have somewhere to share my thoughts. I have no expectation of making friends here- so no pressure there.
I'm a university student. My grades are mediocre. I've tried joining clubs, but I have either been shunned or completely ignored. I'm frightened of crowds. I suffer from major depression and anxiety.
I have a boyfriend but I'm tired of always depressing him because I can't seem to deal with my own honeysuckle. So I have stopped telling him most of my issues and am content enough to watch him go along with his life with the illusion of me being a supportive girlfriend. It's very easy to pretend. He is a good boyfriend, but I don't want to burden him for a while.
I don't have friends. Or rather, I'm good at first impressions, and then when it comes to building up the friendship points, I begin to see the amount of sacrifice I have to make with my studies, my money and time. I also begin to see how boring they are and begin to lose interest in them as they do the same with me because I'm not very interesting either. I've stopped trying to make friends for now. Can't seem to find anyone of interest.
How silly of me to complain of loneliness when I refuse to even make the effort to force myself to have similar interests with others.
I dislike myself. I despise my body. My face, well, I can work with my face but my body.. my body is my idea of a rotten piece of mystery meat not fit to even be fed to rabid dogs. I don't like how I am on medication for my mental illnesses. I hate that after a night of forgetting to take them, I end up crying over nothing the very next morning. I hate that I lose my temper so easily as well. Why am I triggered by so many things?
Yeah, that's it for now.
I've backspaced on my first sentence several times here and to be honest, I'm still not satisfied with it. I'm here because I have nowhere else to go. I'm here because I am lonely. I want to have somewhere to share my thoughts. I have no expectation of making friends here- so no pressure there.
I'm a university student. My grades are mediocre. I've tried joining clubs, but I have either been shunned or completely ignored. I'm frightened of crowds. I suffer from major depression and anxiety.
I have a boyfriend but I'm tired of always depressing him because I can't seem to deal with my own honeysuckle. So I have stopped telling him most of my issues and am content enough to watch him go along with his life with the illusion of me being a supportive girlfriend. It's very easy to pretend. He is a good boyfriend, but I don't want to burden him for a while.
I don't have friends. Or rather, I'm good at first impressions, and then when it comes to building up the friendship points, I begin to see the amount of sacrifice I have to make with my studies, my money and time. I also begin to see how boring they are and begin to lose interest in them as they do the same with me because I'm not very interesting either. I've stopped trying to make friends for now. Can't seem to find anyone of interest.
How silly of me to complain of loneliness when I refuse to even make the effort to force myself to have similar interests with others.
I dislike myself. I despise my body. My face, well, I can work with my face but my body.. my body is my idea of a rotten piece of mystery meat not fit to even be fed to rabid dogs. I don't like how I am on medication for my mental illnesses. I hate that after a night of forgetting to take them, I end up crying over nothing the very next morning. I hate that I lose my temper so easily as well. Why am I triggered by so many things?
Yeah, that's it for now.