Convinced this semester will be lonely.

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Musicman

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From day one, college has been incredibly lonely for me. This summer has been ok because I've seen my best friends (usually they are away), but school (going into 4th out of 5 years) has always kicked my ass. Last year was particularly bad, when I made a close friend, then lost her due to drama on her end (she has an abusive boyfriend and I make him jealous). I have to deal with seeing her around school every day.

I cannot shake the inevitable feeling of dread that this semester will be as bad, or even worse than the previous ones. Obviously my priority is study, but the feeling of loneliness can be dehabilitating. I know that going in with this bleak outlook could make a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I have no idea how to convince myself otherwise.
 
boring as it is, spend time researching what clubs and groups there are in your area. online, be attentive of billboards, ...

And if any group or organization makes you curious, then send off an email or something and make contact.

If you manage to bump into some welcoming group, it can really turn your social situation on its head. But you have to bump into them.. they won't seek you out.
 
Musicman said:
From day one, college has been incredibly lonely for me. This summer has been ok because I've seen my best friends (usually they are away), but school (going into 4th out of 5 years) has always kicked my ass. Last year was particularly bad, when I made a close friend, then lost her due to drama on her end (she has an abusive boyfriend and I make him jealous). I have to deal with seeing her around school every day.

I cannot shake the inevitable feeling of dread that this semester will be as bad, or even worse than the previous ones. Obviously my priority is study, but the feeling of loneliness can be dehabilitating. I know that going in with this bleak outlook could make a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I have no idea how to convince myself otherwise.

It surely sucks that happened with that girl :\

Anyway I believe, as you said, it's better not to go in with a negative outlook on things, exactly because of what you mentioned.

Who knows, you'll probably get to know and become friends with other classmates or people around university :) The unexpected can happen.

Try to stay positive ;)
 
Musicman said:
From day one, college has been incredibly lonely for me. This summer has been ok because I've seen my best friends (usually they are away), but school (going into 4th out of 5 years) has always kicked my ass. Last year was particularly bad, when I made a close friend, then lost her due to drama on her end (she has an abusive boyfriend and I make him jealous). I have to deal with seeing her around school every day.

I cannot shake the inevitable feeling of dread that this semester will be as bad, or even worse than the previous ones. Obviously my priority is study, but the feeling of loneliness can be dehabilitating. I know that going in with this bleak outlook could make a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I have no idea how to convince myself otherwise.

Self fulfilling prophecy is the operative idea here and convincing yourself of something may not be the ideal attitude to take....how about considering the previous advice and think positive as events unfold in the ongoing present wave of time evolving into the future?

Campus life is full of people, right? As you go through the days activities play it by ear, so to speak....each encounter could go in any number of ways and the only thing you can really control is how you play your own part, so say to yourself, Let's see how I can contribute to this dialog? Maybe this person and I can have an interesting interaction?
It could be the most casual, ships-passing-in-the night trivial meeting and it might be the partner for the rest of your life.
 
There are lonely people everywhere. Don't let their age, disability, or class stop you from sitting down beside them.
 
Think about activities you do and hobbies you would like to try out. Can any of them be possibly done with a friend? You're going to concentrate on studying, so how about looking for a study partner? How about available clubs and groups that draws your interest?

If the chances of other people taking initiative to meet you through the activities is low, it's going to be on you to reach to them. We can't know if the people we're going to meet lack the eagerness to have one or two more friends to share and enjoy their hobbies with, assuming they already have other friends. There is possibility they've been looking for like-minded people to spend their time with, being tired of doing whatever they've doing alone, without any friends.

Be open to social opportunities that comes up and see how you can raise the number of those opportunities. Eventually you'll get to know a couple of people that way.

You're going to be lonely only if you stay socially idle and blow every chance of meeting others. What are the chances of you actually doing both?

Good luck!
 
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I also made a close friend over the summer and we did so much together, then she suddenly stopped talking to me for some reason and that's been really hard for me to take.

I'm going into a brand new school which starts tomorrow, and I'm really nervous about the social aspect. But, like everyone on this thread, I believe you will build confidence in approaching people and making friends if you take some classes and activities that you both enjoy. I wish you well.
 

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