Dating websites - do they work ?

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dan_in_stoke

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Hi,
Currently a member of several dating websites, some with paid memberships :-
Eharmony,
Elite Singles
POF
Ok Cupid

and Tinder

My profile(s) are full and include photos but despite sending out lots of messages and contact requests no one ever replies.

Makes me feel like the ugliest guy in the world and I'm wasting my time and money.

Do they actually work ?
 
For some they work, for others they don't.

Dating sites aren't any different from the real world. Some people will reply to messages, some people won't. Dating sites aren't miracle workers (not saying you need a miracle). You have no more chances of meeting someone on a dating site than you do in the real world...unless you don't go out in the real world, of course.

But alas, we can't tell you if it's worth it or not to continue paying because we don't know you and don't know what the messages say or how much you're putting yourself out there, etc etc etc.
 
You are wasting your time and money. It changes the whole process into "shopping" vs. getting to know someone naturally. I'd tried it for twenty years. It really doesn't work.
 
I don't think they work. One massive reason for me is that people are not capable of describing who they really are. So when they put up a profile (or answer an e harmony questionnaire) it is factually wrong. This creates a lot of strife and wasted time. Beyond that there is a lot of posers and ironically most women who will be very extroverted and want to meet up will turn out to have something wrong with them. As most women are very cautious and have good reason to be.

I think a lot of the stories about them working for this one or that happened before recent times. I think in the early days you could find someone before a lot of the problems with internet dating (companies making no attempt to deactivate old accounts as it makes them look like they have more to choose from).
 
A guy I know met his long term girlfriend through one when he moved from NZ to Los Angeles. So I think they can work.
 
Well if paying for them is starting to get to be a bother
Then just stick to the free ones. Which 3 out of the 5 you mentioned are. Other than that. Just try to tweak your profiles here and there and keep on messaging folks
 
dan_in_stoke said:
Hi,
Currently a member of several dating websites, some with paid memberships :-
Eharmony,
Elite Singles
POF
Ok Cupid

and Tinder

My profile(s) are full and include photos but despite sending out lots of messages and contact requests no one ever replies.

Makes me feel like the ugliest guy in the world and I'm wasting my time and money.

Do they actually work ?

They can. But don't take them too seriously - they can be self esteem killers.

I met my husband one one. By accident, lol.
After two years of doing the on line dating, I just got tired of the whole scene.
Someone sent me the "answer 5 questions" message on eHarmony. Here's the thing - I had removed all of my pictures and my account had been inactive for about a year. I guess the profile stays visible.
Well, as I said, the sites can be self esteem killers. Even though I wasn't an active member any longer, it bothered me that some guy out there might feel terrible because he thought he was being ignored or not good enough for at least a courtesy response. It bothered me enough that I paid to renew my membership, just so I could let him know that I wasnt "looking" anymore. I had no idea what he looked like nor did he know what I looked like. As it turns out, he had to actually purchase a membership to even see my message.
The rest is history. :p
So they CAN work, but the process can be emotional suicide if you aren't careful..
 
I'm too scared of trying them, but its becoming clear that it may be my only option. How else do you meet people these days? I don't do bars because I've got no one to go with. I wouldn't pull anyway, men don't tend to like women who look like me!
 
I guess some work I met one of my BF on POF. I have only tried the free ones.

POF was the best I think, I have also been on okcupid, tinder, and tagged. Tagged is by far the worse.
now it is very common to get bots asking for your email.

but you have to work hard to find actual real people there.

it could work, it is a matter of luck.
 
They definitely definitely and once again definitely DO NOT WORK !!! No matter what the person you meet will never be who they say they are. I met my wife on a dating site. She seemed absolutely perfect by profile and picture. A stunning looking lady with everything good to say. They all start the same. You talk a bit online, exchange numbers, then you find yourself talking days and nights non stop one after another, there comes a time you meet, you finally meet everything is perfect and you ask yourself where she has been all your life. Now here is the BIGGEST mistake everyone makes. He or she will right away think about proposing after some time. I mean what else can you ask for right? WRONG. Listen 99% (if not higher) people online are fake. They do all they can to be perfect in your eyes. Heck they will even say and do things to win you over. Never ever judge a book by it's cover. If you are to meet someone in life never fall for them right away. Spend time and I mean lots and lots of time with them in person. Not by phone or online. The more face to face time you spend the better you will get to know that person. Then suddenly and very very slowly that person will show his or her true self.
 
WrongDecision said:
They definitely definitely and once again definitely DO NOT WORK !!! No matter what the person you meet will never be who they say they are. I met my wife on a dating site. She seemed absolutely perfect by profile and picture. A stunning looking lady with everything good to say. They all start the same. You talk a bit online, exchange numbers, then you find yourself talking days and nights non stop one after another, there comes a time you meet, you finally meet everything is perfect and you ask yourself where she has been all your life. Now here is the BIGGEST mistake everyone makes. He or she will right away think about proposing after some time. I mean what else can you ask for right? WRONG. Listen 99% (if not higher) people online are fake. They do all they can to be perfect in your eyes. Heck they will even say and do things to win you over. Never ever judge a book by it's cover. If you are to meet someone in life never fall for them right away. Spend time and I mean lots and lots of time with them in person. Not by phone or online. The more face to face time you spend the better you will get to know that person. Then suddenly and very very slowly that person will show his or her true self.


The same could be said for meeting people offline. It might be a tiny bit faster to find out in real life, but people hide honeysuckle well and can do so for a long time, regardless of where you meet them and talk to them.
 
[/quote]
The same could be said for meeting people offline. It might be a tiny bit faster to find out in real life, but people hide honeysuckle well and can do so for a long time, regardless of where you meet them and talk to them.
[/quote]

True and can't argue. But, spending time with someone physically over and over you start to connect the dots faster. Some may be perfect cons as nothing can be done about that online or off. But, for most especially the ones I dated I could right away pick them apart by small habits and gestures. The biggest problem is as we get older there are less places to meet and interact with people. It's easy when one is in college or going out often being young. Once you we get older our opportunity for interactions stops. Our choices are limited to bars, clubs, and very few social club and we find ourselves behind monitors making profiles.

I have had my fair share of dating online so I'm only speaking from experience. Not everyone is fake and not everyone lies but until and if only until one spends a lot of time off line then he or she will never know who they are talking to.
 
I decided to join one last night and give it a shot. Within 20 minutes of my profile going live, I had a message from a 74 year old guy asking if I'd call him daddy and let him spank me. I deleted that account very quickly. Some people are just plain weird
 
If you are under 38 years old, then there is a chance they can work.

If you are female, you will get contacted. Just remember though, you will get messages from people that have never seen your picture or profile. Guys are told to copy/paste the same message to everyone on the site in hopes someone will respond.

If you are a guy, you might be contacted. Just remember that women that contact you might not want you to message them back. They can get really pissed off when you respond to a message they send you. Plus women on dating sites don't like to have conversations so expect it to feel like a Twitter account that might last 3 days.

Pay sites can be worse than free sites in getting return messages. Other than Match.com, none of the other pay sites led to me meeting anyone. Match and POF were great at getting people to at least meet once. I joined OKCupid too late in life to get any responses there but it would have most likely have been just as good in my early-mid 30's.
 
TheDude76 said:
Why'd you delete it? :p

Lol! That's not what I was looking for at the time, and certainly not someone older than my actual dad! Age differences are fine and all that, but 34 years is a bit much for my tastes. The whole thing was just a bit too scary for me
 
All these dating websites and dating apps on smart phone are plain garbage.

I could not even get ONE freaking response when I was using both the Tinder and Bagel Meets Coffee (BMC) dating apps.

Well, ..I take that back.
I got one response on BMC, and the girl was a pediatrician - a good match since I'm also in the health field. But man! She was kind of obese, and face-wise, not really a looker. This was back when I was living in my home state. Now, I've tried Tinder, and people here where I'm living are racist, so they don't respond to any of my comments / personal messages.
 

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