Jōkā the not so logical human.

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Jōkā

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I have been on this forum for about a week, with minimal engagement outside of the games section. So, I thought I would share a thought that has been troubling me for a few days now.

I believe myself to be a logical person, although, I do of course act against my logic for reasons I can only put down to a weakness of character. I have for a long time worked to improve my character, and I feel like I have improved, but in reality I have not put anything into practice.

A problem I have been facing is approaching or conversing with strangers, whether they be male or female, a problem which many face I am sure. I concluded that small simple steps such as saying good-morning to people I pass in the morning or giving someone a compliment if I see something that I think is deserving of one. I find these acts extremely difficult, almost impossible for me to do, out of some shyness or some form of shame and unworthiness to speak to other people.

Here is where I really struggle, if I need to ask strangers for directions, the time, public transport queries, etc., I can do it with great ease. So why is it so difficult to say a simple 'good morning' or 'I like your hat'. Greeting someone is just polite and complimenting someone is saying something nice to make them feel better about themselves, both of these things cause no harm to any others. Something which makes someone feel better and more valued and causes no harm to any other parties can be considered a good thing and the right thing to do.

So when I say I can not compliment someone or greet them out of shame or some sort of modesty of being unworthy, what I am saying is I am ashamed to do the right thing. This is what has been bothering me lately, it is awfully frightening for me, as for all my faults I have always believed myself to be at least strong in my morals and never afraid to stand up or to do what is right.

On the other hand, to not greet someone or perhaps offer a compliment, life goes on that person has also not done the same for me, so no one was ignored and really no one was harmed.

Still an opportunity to do a nice thing had risen and I chose not to take that opportunity.

How sad, how disappointing...

Any thoughts?
 
Jōkā said:
I have been on this forum for about a week, with minimal engagement outside of the games section. So, I thought I would share a thought that has been troubling me for a few days now.

I believe myself to be a logical person, although, I do of course act against my logic for reasons I can only put down to a weakness of character. I have for a long time worked to improve my character, and I feel like I have improved, but in reality I have not put anything into practice.

A problem I have been facing is approaching or conversing with strangers, whether they be male or female, a problem which many face I am sure. I concluded that small simple steps such as saying good-morning to people I pass in the morning or giving someone a compliment if I see something that I think is deserving of one. I find these acts extremely difficult, almost impossible for me to do, out of some shyness or some form of shame and unworthiness to speak to other people.

Here is where I really struggle, if I need to ask strangers for directions, the time, public transport queries, etc., I can do it with great ease. So why is it so difficult to say a simple 'good morning' or 'I like your hat'. Greeting someone is just polite and complimenting someone is saying something nice to make them feel better about themselves, both of these things cause no harm to any others. Something which makes someone feel better and more valued and causes no harm to any other parties can be considered a good thing and the right thing to do.

So when I say I can not compliment someone or greet them out of shame or some sort of modesty of being unworthy, what I am saying is I am ashamed to do the right thing. This is what has been bothering me lately, it is awfully frightening for me, as for all my faults I have always believed myself to be at least strong in my morals and never afraid to stand up or to do what is right.

On the other hand, to not greet someone or perhaps offer a compliment, life goes on that person has also not done the same for me, so no one was ignored and really no one was harmed.

Still an opportunity to do a nice thing had risen and I chose not to take that opportunity.

How sad, how disappointing...

Any thoughts?
Good afternoon (raises non existent hat) think it's partly due to uncertainty as to the other persons reaction...which in reality can be mixed....the majority of people are pleased to accept a friendly good morning or just a general compliment but some will not respond or look quite sour...none of which relates to you ...you simply don't know what's going on in the other persons head....so never view it as a personal slight ...take a chance say good morning to several people over the course of a week and simply accept that some people are utter miserable bastards.... like your shoes by the way. : )
 
When you ask someone for directions, you enter the conversation with a specific intent and a specific desired outcome...it's a rather practical exchange of information. I can see how that would be easier.

In comparison, saying good morning or complimenting people on their attire or appearance is less specific and the response is much less predictable. You said it yourself, you just intend to say something nice, but there are no guardrails to the conversation. Like sothatwasmylife said, even a simple good morning can trigger the strangest reactions. For example: "WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT THIS MORNING?" To some degree, you have to acknowlege the personhood of the other human being (picking someone "deserving" of it) and that opens up many more avenues. Don't take it personally if it goes sideways. You had the best intent...how the recipient interprets it is often out of your hands.

This is by no means an illogical mindset. What is illogical is to assume you are unworthy of doing this, we're all people. You are free to do as you please and while being nice to people might be the right thing to do, being quiet is not the wrong thing. It's no thing at best.
 
I've been saying "Hi" to people I know little to nothing about all my life. The only time I compliment their apparel is if I really like it. This behavior has still not won me any friends. Lately at work, I've been a little aloof. It may be a coincidence, but I've been asked a couple of times what happened to the happy guy who used to work there. I explained where and why he moved. I didn't tell them that he really didn't like anyone. I get the feeling that people sometimes want to talk so they'll have something to gossip about. Take a look at the number of gossip magazines on the rack.

People feel compelled to be superficial. It's ingrained in our society. My girlfriend watches the talking heads. One morning they were discussing Resting ***** Face (once again, sorry ladies). The smiling group of commentators all admitted to having it. Our standard version of friendliness is a perpetual façade.
 
Mick Travis said:
I've been saying "Hi" to people I know little to nothing about all my life. The only time I compliment their apparel is if I really like it. This behavior has still not won me any friends. Lately at work, I've been a little aloof. It may be a coincidence, but I've been asked a couple of times what happened to the happy guy who used to work there. I explained where and why he moved. I didn't tell them that he really didn't like anyone. I get the feeling that people sometimes want to talk so they'll have something to gossip about. Take a look at the number of gossip magazines on the rack.

People feel compelled to be superficial. It's ingrained in our society. My girlfriend watches the talking heads. One morning they were discussing Resting ***** Face (once again, sorry ladies). The smiling group of commentators all admitted to having it. Our standard version of friendliness is a perpetual façade.

Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's simply recognition that we're sharing the same space on the same planet at the same point in history and that's not without some merit
 
I want to say hello, I understand very well that it seems odd in this age, a lot so considering my young age, and if I was to greet people of my own age it would be seen as doubly strange, but I think you should acknowledge everyone, also on a side note I do not think it is so costly an investment who knows someone may be of great help to me one day because of me saying good morning to them. At worst you are considered odd fellow but none the less an odd fellow with good manners, which is unanimously agreed to be a good thing.
 
I can see it why it can be tough. I just never thought too much into it. Good morning. Just too formal and perfunctory. That is a good word😁. also I was never a morning person. But how about more casual laid back greetings? They work too. What's going on? How are ya? Whats up? I find those much easier. Worry about the good mornings later on.
 
Restless soul said:
I can see it why it can be tough. I just never thought too much into it. Good morning. Just too formal and perfunctory. That is a good word😁. also I was never a morning person. But how about more casual laid back greetings? They work too. What's going on? How are ya? Whats up? I find those much easier. Worry about the good mornings later on.

Yep that's a good point I see quite a few people on the Heather Heath where I live... usually it's Hi, Hi ya, or just morning...sometimes maybe engage with them a bit more
 

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