The girl at the kiosk

Today I went to the movies. I walked up to get my ticket, and I was face to face with a girl that took my breath away. She was beautiful, blonde, the brightest blue eyes I'd seen. Very different from my usual tastes, which is probably what confused me at the time. I noticed a tattoo on her wrist, an eye. I found it interesting, I wanted to know the story behind it. I heard her voice, it was really nice, unusually high pitched, soft.

And then I realised I'd been stood there, oblivious, being super awkward, thinking about all this while she's asking me which screening I want to go to. I felt extremely embarrassed, annoyed with myself. I became very self-conscious, very aware that I hadn't shaved, had worn my scruffy clothes, hadn't brushed my teeth after lunch. I thought about how normal, undamaged she likely was, and how she doesn't need my honeysuckle in her life. I should just buy my ticket and walk away, fade into anonymity. And I did.

And here I am one less possible friend, one less potential uplifting relationship, and likely one of many similar situations to come.

I hope I can get past this one day. It would have been nice for her to know my name, remember me.

What's stopping you from jumping in the shower, shaving and going back there?

BeyondShy said:

What's stopping you from jumping in the shower, shaving and going back there?

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First of all, it's 1:35am

But yes, I could go again, keep an eye out for her. But I still have this thought in my head, that I shouldn't tarnish a seemingly innocent and happy life with my own, that I should stick to getting to know people like me instead. That never ends well, but it's something.

ChallengerApproaches said:

First of all, it's 1:35am

But yes, I could go again, keep an eye out for her. But I still have this thought in my head, that I shouldn't tarnish a seemingly innocent and happy life with my own, that I should stick to getting to know people like me instead. That never ends well, but it's something.

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Then do it tomorrow.

And you do not know how her life is. Don't assume.

I never assume, hence 'seemingly'. I understand this is all irrational, consider this a venting of my irrational thoughts. They are very prominent though, and even if Im aware of them and I consciously know they are wrong, I can't control the feelings they stir up. I wish I could.

If you think like that, you'll miss many such opportunities.

Wayfarer said:

If you think like that, you'll miss many such opportunities.

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I know, I wish I could stop it. I feel like I have a duality of minds, one that tells me what you guys are saying, and one under the surface, telling me I can't do it and to leave it alone. I can't seem to figure out how to strengthen the one, and weaken the other.

ChallengerApproaches said:

I know, I wish I could stop it. I feel like I have a duality of minds, one that tells me what you guys are saying, and one under the surface, telling me I can't do it and to leave it alone. I can't seem to figure out how to strengthen the one, and weaken the other.

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I wish I could give you some well-chosen words to help you here but the truth is I feel the exact same way. One part of me wants to be more outgoing and the other part holds me back. I guess the only thing I can say to you is that I hope you can be more outgoing and not hold yourself back like I do to myself.

I went back today, she wasn't there. Not sure I could've gone through with it, but I like to think I would've.

ChallengerApproaches said:

I went back today, she wasn't there. Not sure I could've gone through with it, but I like to think I would've.

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But you went! So do it again.

Good Lord listen to me give advice like this when I'm a gutless piece of garbage that can't do what I am asking him to do.

Yeah, since everyone goes to the movies, keep going and one of the times, you will see her again and you can ask about the tattoo. Just try not to determine the outcome before it every happens. Seemingly or not, like Way said, that will only serve to doom you from the start.