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Woman said she didn't find me handsome
#11
Fair enough. I cannot argue with anything you say. Obviously you are a bit mentally stronger to be able to brush things off. But at the same time. If someone did say it, Would you at first think it was insensitive and not tactful on this part? Iike treat other like you want to be treated. I know I wouldn't say something about someone photos if i felt it would be hurtful.
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#12
I don't think the golden rule of treating others how you wish to be treated, should deny others an opinion of you, or deny them the ability to express that opinion. I believe you mentioned she was foreign, so perhaps she comes from a culture where it is perfectly acceptable to say what you think to others, even if it may be hurtful to them.

Personally I understand where you are coming from, for to say something that may hurt or insult the other person, is ruinous, because people never truly forget an insult. Though of course if someone was to say in front of an entire company of people, "Your breathe stinks" I would be most offended, regardless of the truth of it, because I would feel like I was embarrassed and slighted in front of a large group of people. If that person was to pull me aside, and say to me in private, "Your breathe is unpleasant and it is very apparent." I would be most thankful. It really is as with so many things, not what is said, but how it is said and who it is said to. Something to think about...

Another aspect of her telling you, about you not being handsome, did you consider that perhaps, she was joking/teasing you? perhaps even testing you (in order to inspect your reaction)?, perhaps she interpreted your bringing up the the topic of your photos, as maybe a way for you to brag and she tried to knock you down a notch? Perhaps she is just a horrible person who likes to make people feel inferior? I have no absolutely no way of knowing if any of the above-said statements are true. I just wish to also draw to your attention other motives that could be at play, all of which would actually in no way of been related to you being handsome or not, despite that being the subject at hand.

I feel like I have said far too much, perhaps even lectured where it is not my place nor my wish to do so, for my part I will end it here, I wish you well.
[Image: tumblr_o79jjyXUwS1v7p6apo1_500.gif]
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#13
No no joka, you articulated your thoughts very well and I
Appreciate the reply. It sounded right. I am not sure to what her intentions were. I don't think to insult. Because why would she still want to talk and meet me?? Thats would be retarded already.

All I know I wouldnt be as forward to say to a girl. You know, I don't find you to be particularly all too pretty. But would you still like to meet at Starbucks? She didn't say that I am using my own words here. And joka. Reply whenever it's great to hear your views
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#14
First buddy its all attitude. Who gives a rats a$$ if others have negative opinions. If someone says or messages you that you are not handsome..a. that person has no feelings and is a piece of crap or B. they are lying to hide the truth. Ether way reply "Thanks! I think your gorgeous!" and move on
I will not suffer.......
"The only way to get through hell....is to keep moving."
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#15
(08-28-2016, 01:17 AM)Restless soul Wrote: "she kinda came out and said she didnt think I was handsome. Which is odd.
Becuse A. Why would you say that to someone you are planning on meeting?"

Because not handsome does not mean unattractive (in my opinion). 

However, she (and her friend) have criticised your appearance, which has understandably upset you and made you feel anxious about meeting her. 

Perhaps you fear that if you were to meet she would be even more critical of you? 

She made you feel uncomfortable about yourself, and because of this I would not invest emotionally into this girl at this stage.
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#16
Is this my thread?? Whoa?
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#17
(11-19-2016, 12:34 AM)Kianda Wrote:
(08-28-2016, 01:17 AM)Restless soul Wrote: "she kinda came out and said she didnt think I was handsome. Which is odd.
Becuse A. Why would you say that to someone you are planning on meeting?"

Because not handsome does not mean unattractive (in my opinion). 

However, she (and her friend) have criticised your appearance, which has understandably upset you and made you feel anxious about meeting her. 

Perhaps you fear that if you were to meet she would be even more critical of you? 

She made you feel uncomfortable about yourself, and because of this I would not invest emotionally into this girl at this stage.

Thanks for reminding me of this, great way to start the day. 
But I feel I should reply if I am active here. So like my last thread, rude cl reply. And others. It comes as nno surprise I have self-esteem issues. Poor self image. So whether this person had trouble expressing herself. Or was just being honest. Or being an idiot. Once someone says something that cuts me deep. Why woukd I meet?  QQuite obvious
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#18
I did online dating a few times. It's important to be honest but not that honest. That's brutal. It's important to be attractive to each other on those sites both in looks and in the profile. What she said to you was mean and wrong and other words I won't put up here. So sorry she did that to you. You should try again and block that woman!!! She probably isn't that good looking. I would turn her in to Tinder and let them know what she said and how it affected you. She should be banned from the site if she's just there to insult people.
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#19
(11-19-2016, 02:04 AM)Healing2me Wrote: I did online dating a few times. It's important to be honest but not that honest. That's brutal. It's important to be attractive to each other on those sites both in looks and in the profile. What she said to you was mean and wrong and other words I won't put up here. So sorry she did that to you. You should try again and block that woman!!! She probably isn't that good looking. I would turn her in to Tinder and let them know what she said and how it affected you. She should be banned from the site if she's just there to insult people.

This was a while back. She wasn't american. Her english wss just ok. The point was even so it was Dumb thing to say or even to get confused about with someone you macthed with.. i chalked it up with someone who can't express themselves. See my more recent thread, in lonliness called.
"Another rude cl reply' its aa similar theme
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#20
Restless, I glanced at several of your threads, to see if I could detect patterns, because it seems like there is a recurring pattern of thinking that you are falling victim to, and a deeper problem that needs to be addressed. I'm not just going to tell you what you want to hear ... be certain of that, because that would constitute a colossal waste of time.

Asking a question - I think that, unfortunately, the only effective way to ensure that you don't get answers you don't like, is to ... not ask a question ... and even then, you may still get unsolicited answers. Or, you could lock yourself up in a remote cabin in Maine. But unfortunately, at some point, you'll have to go to a grocery store where you will likely see another ... person ! He/she might have some wonderful remark in store for you that could foil your best laid plan and devastate your mood. I think you see where I'm going with this. By being a part of this world, we are, for better or for worse, making ourselves completely vulnerable to interaction with other people ... whether on Craigslist, or at Starbucks, or on the street. Harsh reality. Not intending to sound like a broken record, I insist on quoting Eckhart Tolle ... "It is insane to resist what is and cannot be otherwise." If you don't want an answer, don't ask a question.

Control - Let's make the reasonable assumption that you do intend to make yourself vulnerable by interacting with others. Now, you have absolute and complete control over what you say to /ask others. After that point, see that you are now completely at the mercy of what others have to say. It's as if you have hit a tennis ball to the other side, and are waiting for the opponent to hit it back. You can't control what the other person is going to say or why ... absolutely not. You can expect people not to be "rude" or "inconsiderate" or provide "constructive criticism", but you can't control  their minds or mouths ... first off, because that's just the way it fucking is. But, moreover, do you realize what a boring place this Earth would be if you could control what the other person says ? Would you even want that kind of predictability ? If you did, why don't you just email yourself saying, "Dude, Restless, you are fucking hot. I would do you in a New York minute." ? You are free to ask whatever you want, others are free to respond in any way they want, and then, you are free to interpret the response any way you want. So, ask yourself - what is it you have control over, and then focus on that.

Tomorrow, if someone you don't find attractive asks for your opinion, you can be very polite to her ... that's in your control. As an aside, if you don't find yourself attractive or fit, take steps to bring about the change you want (exercise, clothing, whatever). Again, that's something you can control.

Taking advice with a grain of salt - For reasons that are far too complex and numerous to enumerate, yet obvious when you think about it, nothing anyone says can be an absolute truth. How can it be, when all anyone's words are is their interpretation of reality ? Sometimes, there may be something (or a lot) useful to be gained from what is said, but it is never going to be an absolute truth ... you could think of it as a small piece of data that you can either completely trash or extract something useful from. And, often, the partial truth to be gained is hidden under layer(s) of complexity. You might have to read between the words/lines to extract something from it.  Don't immediately dismiss it ... there may be a nugget of Gold hiding below the rock Wink

Example - Someone says, "You look scary. Why aren't you smiling ?". Now, at first, that pisses you off, but once you put emotions aside and assess that statement, you might conclude that "People tend to prefer pictures with smiles." ... now, that may be useful to you in your dating pursuits, because you may have just found a way to attract more women. So, part of what was said was trash ... "You look scary." ... nothing more than an interpretation/opinion. But, you got something useful out of it ... as a result of that comment, you have now uploaded a new picture with a dazzling smile and you're dating half the women in NYC. Take all advice with a grain of salt, including this post of mine Big Grin

Want change ? Take steps - Reiterating two points already mentioned above ... 1 - If you don't like the way you look, see if you can change yourself. 2 - If you want better dating results, take feedback (esp. feedback that pisses you off), extract the useful information from it, and implement the changes. More generally, ask yourself what you would like to change in your life and do something to bring those changes about. The Einstein quote - "Insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results"

Forum vs real life - It's fine that you are posting updates here on what's going on with you ... it's nice to have a community that will, at least, listen to you, and it's nice to vent frustrations. But, don't count on it giving you a magical answer or solution to your problems. I'm sure you know in your bones that the real changes in your life are going to come from the work you (and I, and everyone else) do on yourself. Look within yourself, explore what is bothering you, ask yourself what really matters to you in life, and focus on those things. I'm not saying, "Just be positive and everything will come to you." ... that BS doesn't belong in any of my posts. Find out, given your strengths and weaknesses, your priorities, and your constraints (money, time, etc), what is it that you can do to bring about the change you wish to see.

You're a good egg, Restless Smile
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