Restless, I glanced at several of your threads, to see if I could detect patterns, because it seems like there is a recurring pattern of thinking that you are falling victim to, and a deeper problem that needs to be addressed. I'm not just going to tell you what you want to hear ... be certain of that, because that would constitute a colossal waste of time.
Asking a question
- I think that, unfortunately, the only effective way to ensure that you don't get answers you don't like, is to ... not ask a question ... and even then, you may still get unsolicited answers. Or, you could lock yourself up in a remote cabin in Maine. But unfortunately, at some point, you'll have to go to a grocery store where you will likely see another ... person ! He/she might have some wonderful remark in store for you that could foil your best laid plan and devastate your mood. I think you see where I'm going with this. By being a part of this world, we are, for better or for worse, making ourselves completely vulnerable to interaction with other people ... whether on Craigslist, or at Starbucks, or on the street. Harsh reality. Not intending to sound like a broken record, I insist on quoting Eckhart Tolle ... "It is insane to resist what is and cannot be otherwise." If you don't want an answer, don't ask a question.
- Let's make the reasonable assumption that you do intend to make yourself vulnerable by interacting with others. Now, you have absolute and complete control over what you say to /ask others. After that point, see that you are now completely at the mercy of what others have to say. It's as if you have hit a tennis ball to the other side, and are waiting for the opponent to hit it back. You can't control what the other person is going to say or why ... absolutely not. You can expect
people not to be "rude" or "inconsiderate" or provide "constructive criticism", but you can't control
their minds or mouths ... first off, because that's just the way it fucking is. But, moreover, do you realize what a boring place this Earth would be if you could control what the other person says ? Would you even want that kind of predictability ? If you did, why don't you just email yourself saying, "Dude, Restless, you are fucking hot. I would do you in a New York minute." ? You are free to ask whatever you want, others are free to respond in any way they want, and then, you are free to interpret the response any way you want. So, ask yourself - what is it you have control over, and then focus on that.
Tomorrow, if someone you don't find attractive asks for your opinion, you can be very polite to her ... that's in your control. As an aside, if you don't find yourself
attractive or fit, take steps to bring about the change you want (exercise, clothing, whatever). Again, that's something you can control.
Taking advice with a grain of salt
- For reasons that are far too complex and numerous to enumerate, yet obvious when you think about it, nothing anyone says can be an absolute truth. How can it be, when all anyone's words are is their interpretation of reality ? Sometimes, there may be something (or a lot) useful to be gained from what is said, but it is never going to be an absolute truth ... you could think of it as a small piece of data that you can either completely trash or extract something useful from. And, often, the partial truth to be gained is hidden under layer(s) of complexity. You might have to read between the words/lines to extract something from it. Don't immediately dismiss it ... there may be a nugget of Gold hiding below the rock
Example - Someone says, "You look scary. Why aren't you smiling ?". Now, at first, that pisses you off, but once you put emotions aside and assess that statement, you might conclude that "People tend to prefer pictures with smiles." ... now, that may be useful to you in your dating pursuits, because you may have just found a way to attract more women. So, part of what was said was trash ... "You look scary." ... nothing more than an interpretation/opinion. But, you got something useful out of it ... as a result of that comment, you have now uploaded a new picture with a dazzling smile and you're dating half the women in NYC. Take all advice with a grain of salt, including this post of mine
Want change ? Take steps
- Reiterating two points already mentioned above ... 1 - If you don't like the way you look, see if you can change yourself. 2 - If you want better dating results, take feedback (esp. feedback that pisses you off), extract the useful information from it, and implement the changes. More generally, ask yourself what you would like to change in your life and do something to bring those changes about. The Einstein quote - "Insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results"
Forum vs real life
- It's fine that you are posting updates here on what's going on with you ... it's nice to have a community that will, at least, listen to you, and it's nice to vent frustrations. But, don't count on it giving you a magical answer or solution to your problems. I'm sure you know in your bones that the real changes in your life are going to come from the work you (and I, and everyone else) do on yourself. Look within yourself, explore what is bothering you, ask yourself what really matters to you in life, and focus on those things. I'm not saying, "Just be positive and everything will come to you." ... that BS doesn't belong in any of my posts. Find out, given your strengths and weaknesses, your priorities, and your constraints (money, time, etc), what is it that you can do to bring about the change you wish to see.
You're a good egg, Restless