Hi. I'm a new member

So I'm not really sure what I intend to get out of this. I realize that I'm probably the 50,000th person to write a sad story on here and no one will read it or care. But I can at least get some things off my chest and vent if nothing else.

I'm a 41 year old single guy who has never been married. The question I get asked at least once a week is....why? The basic answer is I'm worthless and not worth being with. I've known ever since I was in high school that I would be alone. It's not a new revelation. I like to say I'm the "trifecta" - I'm short, fat and ugly. Needless to say, no woman alive is looking for a short, fat, ugly dude.

It's easier to accept these things when you are in your 20s. It's not that big of a deal to be single and a lot of people you know are alone to an extent. However, as time progresses, I have discovered that living with this is becoming harder. To society I am a pathetic loser. My life is essentially an embarrassment.

I can't really talk to anyone about this because I literally don't know a single other person who is alone. Everyone else I know is happily married and has a family. I know it's just something I have to live with, but it's becoming harder to shove my emotions back inside and bottle them up. I found this forum and thought posting on here might help a little.

Welcome.

First of all someone (myself) read it and I care. I feel what you are saying because I am in your situation too. It also does not help that I am extremely shy, have no self esteem or self confidence.

There are a lot of helpful people here that I have come across that have done me a lot of good. Give them a chance. When I first got here I resisted because I was so scared.

There's one thing that you said that I want you to keep in mind. You said that everyone you know is "happily married and has a family." Maybe they have a family but you can never be so sure of them being happily married. Maybe they have problems that you don't have and they just disguise it well. So, you never know.

Again, welcome.

A lot of the things you say sound familiar to me, specially the "everybody around me is happily married and has a family /I would be always alone" plus the thoughts you have about yourself are sort the same I have about me and we share the looks.

Even when I'm 32 my country's job system, my parents and lot of people in their 20's make me feel like a grandma, who's life is already over and all that's left for me is to work till I retire.

My point is, you're not alone on this, I'm sure a lot of members of this forum will feel identified with what you wrote.

Welcome and hopefully you find the right friends for you.

No woman is looking for someone who thinks they are worthless, the rest can be accepted. If you want others to think you are worthwhile start thinking that about yourself.

First off, alot of us come here to reach out, because we feel lonely. To most humans the feeling of a relating to another human is irreplaceable. Theres just nothin like companionship. And I think maybe this is what you realized. I've only been reading some threads around here for a day, and I see lots of wisdom here and can already tell we're in a good place. There are people here that will care and try really hard to understand. When I feel worthless I think about the productive things I do for others. Like my overnight job which I do for money and society. If you don't do anything for others or society in general, I think it's a good place to start to gain a feeling of worth in yourself. And I kinda agree, I think society does look at your appearance and/or martial status and assume a few things about you. But you have the power to change this. And I think it's best to start with how you feel about yourself. You say "My life is essentially an embarrassment." I may agree with you, but it didn't become that way on it's own or overnight. Your life in this moment is the result of your choices. You know you have problems with your lifestyle and you may be dealing with them well enough. But you don't have to suffer forever. As long as your able to make choices, you can change.
So, you don't feel good about yourself for a few reasons that your shared. The "Trifecta!" And also having no one to love. I can relate. And deep down I have desires that mean more to me than my daily choices. And I'm slowly learning to line my daily choices up with my desires. It's my own little walk into a life of good health, friends and wealth. I've always failed longer termed goals, so I'm starting smaller. Maybe you can relate.

It's good your telling us about yourself or venting. To me, you come off as someone who feels like they haven't had their life together in a while and feels like their too old for it to matter. (not to seem assumptions) Like I said there are people here who will care and try really hard to understand. I'm one of them. And I can relate to you. I'm 20 and I've never been a relationship and it's been years since I've had a friend. After some years of self loathing and self centering. I'm ready to reach out. I'd actually really like to talk to you, older people tend to be wiser than me.
Please PM me so we can exchange emails or somethin.

Thanks everyone. I definitely feel like I want to give people here a chance and talk through some things.

bd1974 said:

Thanks everyone. I definitely feel like I want to give people here a chance and talk through some things.

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You were already doing it wrong when you were 20, if you "accepted these things"; just accepting you're short, fat and ugly.

Get angry and grab life by the balls. If you want to change, make the change.

Life ain't gonna burn those calories all by itself. It can only give you the next dawn so you can get out and jog. It can only make those plants grow so you can keep your diet in check. It can only wait for you to start doing something, because you're supposed to live life, not the other way around.

Have a good life, take care.