Free association, streams of consciousness

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redbeard 44

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I wish I wasn't like I am.

I smell a bonfire outside my window. I imagine there's a group of people out there drinking, talking, having a good time. The oldest form of companionship is sitting around a fire.

I see couples and families all the time, of all shapes and walks of life, and I wonder how it all eluded me.

I see people chatting and flirting on dating sites and in bars, and I wonder why I can't do that effectively.

There is so many things I would love to do, but I hate doing them alone. Eating in a nice sitdown restaurant, going to a concert, sitting in a bar playing darts or pool, road trips, etc...

I've always been this way, not quite like everybody else. I wish I was like everyone else. People have people, I have nobody. People have family, I have none. People have friends, I have none. People have an impact on others, I have no impact. I'm not 'people'. I am no one. I am the one people pity. I am the one people don't want to be like.

How does one go from being a complete nobody, to somebody?

Do I go up to strangers and offer them to share my private hell? Do I let others feel the reek of desperation from me? Hi, welcome to my hell.
 
If you look at your deepest desires and yearnings, what do you want from your life?

Could you write a list of these things? Be as honest and direct as possible. If you're uncomfortable writing in the forum, you can send me a private PM.
 
No don't share your private hell with strangers, it's not a good starting point to form relationships....save the private hell thing until you know them a little better.

OK, I'm not being flippant here....some of your free associating could have come out of my own stream of consciousness.

You want reinvent yourself from a nobody to a somebody eh? Been there. How about working on a few "somebody" type achievements or skills? It might be a start. What are you good at doing?
 
You CAN impact others. Maybe you won't have 1000 friends. So what? Can you make a meal for an elderly person? Can you encourage a child? Find your niche. Some of us dont' have an army of people. That's OK. But, you can still impact the world.
As for desperation, you need to just keep that to yourself. People are repelled by desperation. Take a deep breath. Go out into the world and be a contributor.
 

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