haywud said:
I'm not really looking for anyone too special, just someone I can be happy with. I'm not too worried about looks, I just want someone that's a good person and that will want to be with me. All I want is someone that makes me happy, I don't need some model or anyone like that. I just want to be happy for once.
Same here, And I'm talking expectations all around, your whole life. Everything you think about. And I'm not assuming you expect rainbows and sunshine everywhere. There is nothing wrong with dreaming, but what I really mean is. Expectations are normal. And sometimes they become our requirements for being happy, without us realizing it. This was my case. Most of the time my emotions are influenced by what I expect something to be, instead of what it is. This makes me feel foolish and sad.
So I've made so adjustments to my perception. To be specific I let go of some expectations and I've changed some expectations into goals. (I also let go of some insecurities.) Right now I don't have the things I want the most. (Significant Other, Friends, Car, Money, House, Career, 23% BMI) But everyday I'm grateful for the time I have to work towards them. I appreciate the potential. I appreciate the moment. Sometimes I lose focus and when I do I also lose my gratitude and appreciation. Talking to you has helped me become aware of this. I can't handle alot of stress right now so I'm starting little and progressing slowly. Some days I backslide, But honestly I think keeping a journal will bring my backsliding to a minuscule amount. My point is, You have an idea of what you want. Instead of getting so down on yourself for not having these things, Use your precious time to work towards earning them. Most likely what you want isn't going to happen unless you work for it.
And so far I haven't specifically addressed loneliness. And honestly, this is something I'm still learning to deal with myself. With that being said, I'll give it a try. To me, friends and Significant Other are just a part of the balance. I think some of us put too much weight on these things, especially when we don't have them. Which is typical for humans. You may feel that lack of companionship has left a hole in your life. Which I think is normal, I've felt this way myself. And building new relationships can be tough because it's a mutual thing. Everyone isn't always looking to build new relationships. It sounds like you've given enough thought to the fact that you don't have many friends or a significant other. So try giving some thought to why. For me, It came down to how I thought of myself and how I thought of others. The only thing that ever stopped me from reaching out to others was myself. Perhaps you have some insecurities? Perhaps these insecurities cause you to assume how others will think of you? This was my case.
You say you don't have alot to offer. But you also say your honest and have no intentions of hurting others. These are two things that worthwhile relationships are built on, in my opinion. I think the only thing that is missing is Relation, common interest etc. This is something that is usually discovered. But this can be developed. I think it's common for someone to try new things for someone who's friendly enough. But to be realistic, your most likely going to have to discover at least one common interest before this happens. But don't think you don't have anything to offer. In my opinion good intentions and honesty are priceless. You might lack social skills. But like all skills, This is something you can develop forever. I feel I lack in social skills. So I'm starting small. I talk in ALonelyLife's official chat room. There usually isn't any deep 1on1 super critical conversations happening, Just alot of small conversations. I started by reading chat and thinking about things I would say, but not actually typing it. It felt a little weird but I feel it helped. Now I talk in it normally. My point is, to develop social skill, you can study conversation or you can actually be social. That is all I got at the moment for loneliness.
It's up to you to set your pace. But remember to work smarter, not harder. It's up to you to determine what you should and shouldn't expect. I've seen your other threads. And I'd like to be your friend. Perhaps we will share opinions of each others expectations and goals etc. as our first conversation. But that is kinda deep, so maybe we should just talk about whatever. I don't game as much as I used to, But I have a xbox 360 still. I'll contact you on skype later.
