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Do other people have this problem?
#1
Like most people, i enjoy social interaction.. movies, games, just generally talking with others.. However, currently I do not usually have social encounters other than talking to co-workers, or mild talks to people at the Jr. college I attend.

Sadly, i haven't made many friends after leaving High School, but this hasn't stopped me from continuing my education or any of my responsibilities. Despite being socially incapable, I've manage to find myself in some social gatherings.

Now, a sort of a side track.. You know that feeling you have for some people? A feeling where you can tell someone has their life together or is obviously capable of having it so, even if they're the type to party/drink/disappoint their parents. I envy those people. I envy them in the sense that they're happy in almost every situation; at work, school, wherever.. They can be content every with, what seems like, nothing to worry about.

Nothing to worry about - not drama, but social problems. The kind that WE face. Major social anxiety, fear, being constantly alone after work/school/etc.. I would love drama. Drama means having some sort of family/friends most of the time which distracts from loneliness.

Anyway.. My problem is not being content in social events. I often feel angry when around people and a reason for this might be that I judge others critically because I'm not around people very much. If I'm invited to something, I contemplate if it's even worth going to because I doubt I'm going to have any fun. Most of the time, I grow some balls and decide, "Hey! I'm a man. I can go to social functions and be a person! Just like millions of people have done before and enjoyed. NO BIG DEAL."

When I arrive I instantly feel awkward and a few minutes in, regret it. I usually know very few people and end up feeling so clingy to whoever it is I know. And most of the time they seem very indifferent about me being there.

By feeling unnecessary, I begin to feel depressed and my ability to socialize just disappears. I feel angry that who ever invited me even invited me if I'm not at all necessary, while others are casually having a great time.

This is a common problem that I think prohibits me from being socially happy.

Thank you for reading (:
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#2
I just never feel like I belong when I go to any sort of social event. I always feel like a complete outcast, and never feel like I should be there or that I fit in. It's a miserable feeling. It's even worse when the people I do know seem to ignore me, and I get left on my own just standing around looking stupid and feeling awful. I think that's one of the reasons I really don't get out much anymore, I just don't see the need to deal with those kinds of situations anymore. If I want to be miserable and alone I can stay at home and do that.
every part of me wants to believe there's a darkness we need to feel for the brightest light to be seen and felt inside
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#3
Try being a little less self-conscious and a little more conscious of the person/people your talking to.
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#4
(09-10-2016, 10:34 AM)dwane Wrote: Try being a little less self-conscious and a little more conscious of the person/people your talking to.

Easier said than done! Smile
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#5
(09-10-2016, 10:45 AM)BeyondShy Wrote:
(09-10-2016, 10:34 AM)dwane Wrote: Try being a little less self-conscious and a little more conscious of the person/people your talking to.

Easier said than done! Smile
Think one of the most difficult aspects of interaction, when it's a real issue is eye contact...for me it produced an actual really unpleasant physical sensation....I was able to overcome it by doing the logical thing and avoiding eye contact instead maybe focusing...literally on maybe an ear...the chin...a lapel...just anything I felt pretty comfortable with....maybe people at the time thought something was a little adrift but it didn't concern me as it permitted me to communicate and removed the element of threat, which was a definite problem for me at the time...it takes a few times to feel comfortable with this technique but it's really worth a shot and will allow you after a little time to seek out meaning in people's eyes without difficulty
Although try to avoid the temptation to look fully and unwaveringly into a person's eyes as I did...it tends to freak people out. : )
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#6
I know how you feel samrphgue, I suffer from the same problem too, it actually happened recently. I went to a Megadeth concert with my brothers and a couple of their friends, the concert as a whole was freaking amazing, but I didn't had any fun at all, I felt out of place the majority of the time. I don't listen to Megadeth, I don't drink beer nor smoke, I'm not wild, etc. I felt like I was meant to be alone the more I saw the crowd around me, it made me think that if I can't be social here, then where else? For some very stupid reason too, I thought I was going too meet someone or have sex... don't ask.

It's one reasons I don't bother in socializing, even though I desperately wish I could be part of someone else's life (especially if it's a sweetheart), I know I can't be bothered in being around people anymore, I've been alone for such a long time that I now distance myself from people, especially from guys that have their life together. It's only going to make me unhappier, but I'd rather stay in my room, whining about how much life sucks, than actually facing a world that reminds me where I should be at 26-years-old.
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#7
How my Life Changed
Till before 7th grade I was energetic kid, i was popular in class, I played football and I was the captain. Everyone knew me in the class, i had friends, even kids who were in other classes. But then my life changed, before that I always asked my self, how can one become so boring? whenever I saw a few people around me who had nothing to do in life and were miserable? I asked myself How can one have no goal in life? I think Now I understand. Because now I'm miserable like them.
When I completed 7th grade our family had financial issues and I had to drop out of school, well at first I felt exited that I didn't have to go to school, i can wake up whenever I want, you know stuff like that!, we moved to a new neighborhood. i completed 7th grade on my own in home, my dad teached me everything, he took tests, i was actually liking it. I stopped going out of my home, the new neighborhood was very boring, there were no kids my age, or I could say no kids at all, some old people only. I stopped playing football, I stopped exercising, I practically spent the whole year inside my home,I became dull, the year passed and I started thinking that i can't live like this, this is meaningless, I dont have anything to do instead of studying, no sports, no socializing. Till then my Dad got a new Job, and I took admission to new school, I aced the admission test, but before I could go I got chicken Pox, so I delayed for 1-2 months, after that I finally went to school, and when I did, I found out that I couldn't make any new friends, so i was the lonely dull kid whom no one talked to, and I so badly wanted to study at home again, I wished to stay out of school, there was little I could do. and then Somehow, I got measles in the same f**king year I got chicken pox, I said how is that possible, my parents got me out school for another 3 months, for three months I was so sick i could barely drink water! After I recovered which I never actually did, i was so weak, i couldn;t even run a few feets. I looked so dull and dissapointing, whenever I took a shower i'd come back looking the same way I did before taking the shower. I became ugly is what I'm saying. I had no friends, no social life, no nothing, and the people i knew changed how they looked at me, no one liked to talk to me, well neither did I, I didn't know what to talk about, i became socially awkward.my family was never so supporting by the way, and now I was the loser kid in my family. yet my father bought me a nintendo wii so i could exercise and get my strength back a little I never went back to school, but my father always teached me and i copleted O levels without a single A grade. during this period we moved to a new awesome place, there was even a football ground near our home, but I never bothered to go to check this place out, till now! Wow! I didn't even wanna look myself in the mirror, that's it my life was ruined, and it is ruined till now, I'm 17 now, I've lost my teenage years as being miserable!, and i don;t even know what will I have to do with my life, I want to suicide sometimes but then i say to myself who cares even If I suicide,
I've always set goals in my life and I've accomplished them, but now I'cant even do what I love, I can never be normal again, my brain is hardwired to this change.
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#8
(09-25-2016, 05:41 PM)Temoorulhaq Wrote: How my Life Changed
Till before 7th grade I was energetic kid, i was popular in class, I played football and I was the captain. Everyone knew me in the class, i had friends, even kids who were in other classes. But then my life changed, before that I always asked my self, how can one become so boring? whenever I saw a few people around me who had nothing to do in life and were miserable? I asked myself How can one have no goal in life? I think Now I understand. Because now I'm miserable like them.
When I completed 7th grade our family had financial issues and I had to drop out of school, well at first I felt exited that I didn't have to go to school, i can wake up whenever I want, you know stuff like that!, we moved to a new neighborhood. i completed 7th grade on my own in home, my dad teached me everything, he took tests, i was actually liking it. I stopped going out of my home, the new neighborhood was very boring, there were no kids my age, or I could say no kids at all, some old people only. I stopped playing football, I stopped exercising, I practically spent the whole year inside my home,I became dull, the year passed and I started thinking that i can't live like this, this is meaningless, I dont have anything to do instead of studying, no sports, no socializing. Till then my Dad got a new Job, and I took admission to new school, I aced the admission test, but before I could go I got chicken Pox, so I delayed for 1-2 months, after that I finally went to school, and when I did, I found out that I couldn't make any new friends, so i was the lonely dull kid whom no one talked to, and I so badly wanted to study at home again, I wished to stay out of school, there was little I could do. and then Somehow, I got measles in the same f**king year I got chicken pox, I said how is that possible, my parents got me out school for another 3 months, for three months I was so sick i could barely drink water! After I recovered which I never actually did, i was so weak, i couldn;t even run a few feets. I looked so dull and dissapointing, whenever I took a shower i'd come back looking the same way I did before taking the shower. I became ugly is what I'm saying. I had no friends, no social life, no nothing, and the people i knew changed how they looked at me, no one liked to talk to me, well neither did I, I didn't know what to talk about, i became socially awkward.my family was never so supporting by the way, and now I was the loser kid in my family. yet my father bought me a nintendo wii so i could exercise and get my strength back a little I never went back to school, but my father always teached me and i copleted O levels without a single A grade. during this period we moved to a new awesome place, there was even a football ground near our home, but I never bothered to go to check this place out, till now! Wow! I didn't even wanna look myself in the mirror, that's it my life was ruined, and it is ruined till now, I'm 17 now, I've lost my teenage years as being miserable!, and i don;t even know what will I have to do with my life, I want to suicide sometimes but then i say to myself who cares even If I suicide,
I've always set goals in my life and I've accomplished them, but now I'cant even do what I love, I can never be normal again, my brain is hardwired to this change.

If you're 17 then your life isn't ruined, you can start to make changes. Is there anyway you could start going to a gym or something? Might help get you strength back. Seriously, if you're willing to look at yourself at 17 and realize that things aren't right then you have lots of time to transform yourself. In fact, this could actually be the best thing that could have happened to you since a lot of people don't realize that they aren't on the right track. If you can start to put things right now then it might set you up for a lot less pain later on. You just need to be able to make progress gradually.

Believe me, I've known people who looked like their lives were absolutely fucked towards the end of their teens but they turned it all around and succeeded. The important thing is that you're aware that you want things to change now and not later on.
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#9
I used to go to a few low-key parties with friends in high school. I always wondered what the purpose of me being there was, as I also didn't know many people past the level of acquaintances. Others would have long, personal conversations with friends and I'd just try not to stick out like a sore thumb, trying to figure out where to sit and who to talk to.

I think if I went now I'd just look at it as a place with no expectations--you don't have to fit in, or be social. Because no one cares who attends really you don't need to perform socially or stay all night. Everyone is there to eat a little, have a drink, and either talk or listen to people they haven't seen in a while.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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#10
(09-10-2016, 08:30 PM)sothatwasmylife Wrote:
(09-10-2016, 10:45 AM)BeyondShy Wrote:
(09-10-2016, 10:34 AM)dwane Wrote: Try being a little less self-conscious and a little more conscious of the person/people your talking to.

Easier said than done! Smile
Think one of the most difficult aspects of interaction, when it's a real issue is eye contact...for me it produced an actual really unpleasant physical sensation....I was able to overcome it by doing the logical thing and avoiding eye contact instead maybe focusing...literally on maybe an ear...the chin...a lapel...just anything I felt pretty comfortable with....maybe people at the time thought something was a little adrift but it didn't concern me as it permitted me to communicate and removed the element of threat, which was a definite problem for me at the time...it takes a few times to feel comfortable with this technique but it's really worth a shot and will allow you after a little time to seek out meaning in people's eyes without difficulty
Although try to avoid the temptation to look fully and unwaveringly into a person's eyes as I did...it tends to freak people out. : )

Eye contact!!! Very important..I used to have this problem..looking people directly in the eye.  I have been working on it hard..and now its becoming easier..One trick..look just long enough to register their eye color.  Think about that with every person you talk to....hey what color is this persons eyes.  Ah blue..cool then look to the side...not down.
I will not suffer.......
"The only way to get through hell....is to keep moving."
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