my social interactions: an update 2016/09/10

Has something changed in all this time? Yes and no.

What has changed is the way I think about social interactions: before I used to think I had to like them no matter what and judged myself harshly for my lack of social skills; now I'm conscious I don't like social interactions as much as the average person and that my (real life) social skills are almost inexistent, but I don't let it drag myself down and really, because with time, one can always improve.

However, the real issue is what hasn't changed. Namely, I still don't like interacting with other people (irl) and have difficulty doing so.
Of course this had to be expected since I basically did nothing practical to change my situation. Inaction can't bring about change, this is logical.

So in a way, I'm back at the starting point: how to produce a change, or more exactly how to bring myself to cause a change in my actions so that I socialize.



Other things about me:
- I can be on my own for a long time and be ok with just the company of myself.
(of course there are exceptions every once in a while.. after all, I am human too)
- If I do interact with people (which happens rarely) I prefer the interaction to be as short as possible. For example, I'd rather meet my friend for a meal than go out all evening long.


Why this thread? Hmm if I say to ask help, probably some people will say (with reason) that I don't follow advice :\ So well, just feel free to reply.. or don't, it's still ok

Wayfarer said:

Has something changed in all this time? Yes and no.

What has changed is the way I think about social interactions: before I used to think I had to like them no matter what and judged myself harshly for my lack of social skills; now I'm conscious I don't like social interactions as much as the average person and that my (real life) social skills are almost inexistent, but I don't let it drag myself down and really, because with time, one can always improve.

However, the real issue is what hasn't changed. Namely, I still don't like interacting with other people (irl) and have difficulty doing so.
Of course this had to be expected since I basically did nothing practical to change my situation. Inaction can't bring about change, this is logical.

So in a way, I'm back at the starting point: how to produce a change, or more exactly how to bring myself to cause a change in my actions so that I socialize.



Other things about me:
- I can be on my own for a long time and be ok with just the company of myself.
(of course there are exceptions every once in a while.. after all, I am human too)
- If I do interact with people (which happens rarely) I prefer the interaction to be as short as possible. For example, I'd rather meet my friend for a meal than go out all evening long.


Why this thread? Hmm if I say to ask help, probably some people will say (with reason) that I don't follow advice :\ So well, just feel free to reply.. or don't, it's still ok

Click to expand...

Hey, no replies to this so I thought I might. It's good you're not beating yourself up as much. In my opinion, you should never judge yourself. Like that ever happens right? We are our worst critic and we know every flaw about ourselves. Just to clarify, are you still wanting to improve your social skills? I agree that it's a skill like any other with practice will improve. What is the true cause of why you don't like interacting with people? Does it stem from not liking people, past experiences, or is it due to some form of anxiety? Do you eventually want to get to the point where you enjoy interacting with people or not, but you think it's required from you because its the norm?

Maybe you're like me and enjoy being with yourself more. I feel that I have to force myself to socialize sometimes. I have trends, though, sometimes I want to be alone and chill, other times I want to interact with someone. It's to the point where I feel I'm basically brushing people off just to get some alone time. I usually don't though and go hangout with them even if it's not what I want to do at the time. I'm still building up my social circle to be honest. Trying to find people who challenge me, support me, and help me grow as an individual.

I think it would need, to begin with focusing on yourself perhaps. Start off by doing some small changes or improvements that will help your confidence/make you happy and move on to harder ones. Practice your socializing skills by striking up a conversation with random people you see. If you're nice and just a wee bit charming, most people are very tolerant at first.

I practice my skills all the time. I usually look for something they might be interested in or for example: If I'm waiting in a line at the market and notice the person behind me has that omg when is this going to end look, I'll strike up a conversation by saying "my god, they are slow right?", people love to complain. I might crack up a joke and if I'm in a good mood, I'll even let them get ahead of me. Another easy conversation starter is getting people to talk about themselves. People can talk about themselves for hours and all you have to do is listen, they will give you an endless amount of conversational subjects. Always keep the conversation positive (except when they are complaining, but I even stay positive when I complain. For example on that market line I'll always follow up with but they are working hard as fresia. I feel for them.), people love compliments too. Compliments go a very very long way. These are just some of my tips, I could go on and on, but I feel I'm rambling.

I can only express what I've learned from experience, but try not to start conversations off with questions at first. Do your best to make open ended statements. The majority of the time people don't like the third degree. You can do some questions here and there, but don't start off with it or let it be your only form of continuing the conversation.

I probably seemed awkward to some at first, but I never remember those people and never see them again. So who cares?

I'm sure you listen to the advice of others, probably even want to follow it sometimes. I really don't like giving advice because everyone walks different paths. In my opinion making change, REAL change is freaking hard. People could give you advice all day, but it's up to you to make a change for yourself. It takes every ounce of your dedication, willpower, and focus. I also know sometimes it feels nice to be heard, I can promise you I hear you.

Texas said:

...are you still wanting to improve your social skills?... What is the true cause of why you don't like interacting with people? Does it stem from not liking people, past experiences, or is it due to some form of anxiety? Do you eventually want to get to the point where you enjoy interacting with people or not, but you think it's required from you because its the norm?

Click to expand...

Well, I'd like to. I need to be able to meet people, to find some I get along well with and can call friends. I have online friends too, of course, but we can't meet in real life. Additionally I think I'll have to learn the skills anyway to survive when I will start working in a company. I do think it's required, to some degree, but I'd be fine with an average level of such skills.
What does it stem from? hmm all of those you mentioned, actually.

Texas said:

Maybe you're like me and enjoy being with yourself more...I'm still building up my social circle to be honest. Trying to find people who challenge me, support me, and help me grow as an individual.

Click to expand...

That's actually true too. I prefer being on my own. My social circle.. well.. I only speak to my housemates and three other people... so.. yeah XD
I definitely wish to find such people as you mentioned. I'm tired of toxic relationships.

Texas said:

I think it would need, to begin with focusing on yourself perhaps. Start off by doing some small changes or improvements that will help your confidence/make you happy and move on to harder ones. Practice your socializing skills by striking up a conversation with random people you see. If you're nice and just a wee bit charming, most people are very tolerant at first.

Click to expand...

It's not like I haven't thought about that. I've been working on my mindset most of last year. My confidence now is average, I'd say?
However just the thought of thinking to talk with random people makes me anxious.. I shouldn't even mention when it actually happens (very rarely).

Texas said:

...I usually look for something they might be interested in...people love to complain.I might crack up a joke and if I'm in a good mood, I'll even let them get ahead of me. Another easy conversation starter is getting people to talk about themselves. People can talk about themselves for hours and all you have to do is listen, they will give you an endless amount of conversational subjects. Always keep the conversation positive (except when they are complaining, but I even stay positive when I complain...people love compliments too. Compliments go a very very long way. These are just some of my tips, I could go on and on, but I feel I'm rambling.

I can only express what I've learned from experience, but try not to start conversations off with questions at first. Do your best to make open ended statements. The majority of the time people don't like the third degree. You can do some questions here and there, but don't start off with it or let it be your only form of continuing the conversation.

I probably seemed awkward to some at first, but I never remember those people and never see them again. So who cares?

I'm sure you listen to the advice of others, probably even want to follow it sometimes. I really don't like giving advice because everyone walks different paths. In my opinion making change, REAL change is freaking hard. People could give you advice all day, but it's up to you to make a change for yourself. It takes every ounce of your dedication, willpower, and focus. I also know sometimes it feels nice to be heard, I can promise you I hear you.

Click to expand...

Well.. the thing is.. I already know all you said. But actually knowing and acting, as you also stated, is soo not the same thing.
The most I've tried was not because of my effort though: elderly people asking for help at the supermarket or for directions on the road. These are the people that talk to me and with whom I interact more, for absurd. I'd say like once a month.
As for me actually starting to talk first to someone? Never happens. For many reasons:
1) I don't go out often
2) when I go out usually I have things to do and I'm not in the mood to talk to random people
3) even if I do think about talking to someone, anxiety takes the best of me
so... LOL what can I say. I'm hopeless, unless something eventually changes.

Thanks for the advice all the same

Yeah, you'll probably have to get out more or interact more with the people you normally do. If elderly people are easy for you at first start with them and move your way down the age group LOL. Anxiety is rough, some people don't realize how much it can hinder you. The more interaction you have, the more comfortable you might be.