It's okay NOT to be social!

I just wanted to share. I have finally accepted myself the way I am. All of my life I have struggled with not fitting, feeling awkward and uncomfortable in social situations, anxiety of meeting new people, I hated going out. Now that I'm in my 30s and have had a lot of time to reflect on myself and the past, I realize it is not my fault. I am a very sensitive person, I tend to really feel what other people are feeling. I'm ultra aware of my surroundings and those in it. It overwhelms me to be in large groups or to be with new people. I used to wonder what was wrong with me, I would over act when in social situations, always trying to be the funny one or the one always catering on others to make up for my awkwardness. But in reality when I'm around others I feel drained and tired.
Now I realize I just like to be alone, I feel more happy when I'm alone. I've accepted this about myself and it's okay. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to go out and socialize. Now when people ask me to go out, I just say no thanks and have no guilt. I just want others to know, if you have social anxiety and feel much better by yourself, there is nothing wrong with you. You are a special person who has the ability to live independently and can be happy within yourself.

Well said.

I can relate to this to an extent. I can socialize here and there but when crowds get bigger and these social gatherings come up too often i can get really drained too. Sometimes it really is tiring to even think about attending these events and going out in general.

No it's not. No matter how hard you try to fool yourself you still need people.

BeyondShy,
I'm not fooling myself, I know who I am. Also you misinterpreted my post, I never said I never needed people, but that I've accepted that I do not enjoy being "social", especially in large groups of people. That I actually function better as a person having a lot of alone time and choosing to spend time with smaller groups of people. But actually I've learned to enjoy just spending time with myself, as I think this is something that people actually are afraid of. Being alone makes you really aware of things that perhaps you wouldn't have if with other people all of the time. I came into this world alone and will be leaving it alone, I'm working on learning to accept myself in every way and respect other people for how they are. I respect if you feel you need other people, but please don't tell me what I need, this is your own projection.

I absolutely agree. As an aside, there is a thing called HSP which I self identify with. Highly sensitive person. Basically it isn't that you are sensitive in the "hurt feelings" just you pick up things more easily. I would say kind of like psychic ability to the extent real people have them. They like to be alone too because of the overstimulation of other humans.

But I am in my 40s and these are the things I have accepted.
* Humans for the most part don't add anything to my life. I really WOULD mostly prefer to be alone.
* I have some need for human contact but, not a lot, and in limited amounts.
* I just don't see that the promise of humans does anything for you. I have a brother, I have neighbors, I have friends, but mostly they won't be there for me when I need them. So it is best just to plan accordingly and find solutions for when you need someone.
* I really do think that humans were largely meant to be alone and this co dependant way of living is a recent development. For the vast majority of human times human beings were scarce and died early. So humans had to learn to survive by themselves for a long time. Human companionship was a rare and limited thing.

It isn't to say one thing is better than the other but the "you must be with someone" is currently crowding out the other option. Which is causing a lot of pain.

haley108 said:

BeyondShy,
I'm not fooling myself, I know who I am. Also you misinterpreted my post, I never said I never needed people, but that I've accepted that I do not enjoy being "social", especially in large groups of people. That I actually function better as a person having a lot of alone time and choosing to spend time with smaller groups of people. But actually I've learned to enjoy just spending time with myself, as I think this is something that people actually are afraid of. Being alone makes you really aware of things that perhaps you wouldn't have if with other people all of the time. I came into this world alone and will be leaving it alone, I'm working on learning to accept myself in every way and respect other people for how they are. I respect if you feel you need other people, but please don't tell me what I need, this is your own projection.

Click to expand...

Ok, fine. I misinterpreted your post. It happens. And I am not going to split hairs trying to explain myself after reading your response. And I am not telling you what you need, what you should do or what you have to do. That's all on you. If you are happy the way you are then I am happy for you.