Changing identity

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Pennywise

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Apr 10, 2016
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Hello everyone,
I hate my actual life, i feel like i cannot continue the way i'am. I hate my name, as well as my past and i feel that due to this situation i cannot approach new people. However i dont have any problem with my appareance and i know i can have social skills, my only issue is that due to different personal reasons i did not had any social life until now.

I traveled alot which is a reason why i couldnt keep in contact with new people i met, due to that i also could not identify with a certain place to really call "my home". So as you can see i'am not related to anything in particular which looks weird for most people. Also i always was kinda of a loser, i've done many activities but did not accomplish anything i could be proud of in my life. I realized that those was the reasons why i couldn't approach people.

I live now in the place where i was born and raised until i was 10, i'am back here since 2 years already but couldnt make any friends or find any group to fit in. Also my name made me face some problems because it sounds foreign and people already assume i'am from a different culture and i don't feel that this name fits me. To tell the truth, i don't feel anything in my actual life fits with who i'am.

For all those reasons i think the best way for me would be to change my name and to start everything anew. However i dont know what are the steps to take in order to achieve that.
Does anyone have an idea is this is possible and if yes, how could it be done?
I think i would maybe have to travel in order to cut bonds with everyone i already know. I'am a web developer, so there is no real problem for me working anywhere as a freelance until i could find a more stable job.

Do someone here already tried this and have any advices?
 
Changing your name would entirely depend on where you live. I'm in America and it's not TOO difficult to change your name here, but you need all the right documents to get it done and all that. You can likely google it to find out more about where you can do it and what it entails.

If you really feel that your name is your holding you back in life, I'm all for you changing it, but make sure you have thought about it completely and have no reservations about changing it. If you have any doubts at all, I would wait to do it until you have none.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Changing your name would entirely depend on where you live. I'm in America and it's not TOO difficult to change your name here, but you need all the right documents to get it done and all that. You can likely google it to find out more about where you can do it and what it entails.

If you really feel that your name is your holding you back in life, I'm all for you changing it, but make sure you have thought about it completely and have no reservations about changing it. If you have any doubts at all, I would wait to do it until you have none.

Thanks for the reply
I dont live in America and actually i dont know about the legal side of the process where i live but will do research. It seems that It is ok but i'am not hundred percent sure.
However thinking about It i dont have to officially change It i can still use my real name for official stuff and another one with friends and everyday people. I dont think It is illegal?

However the name is just one side of the problem, i would like to change my whole personality. Until now i used to be socially awkward and too pessimist, people who know me are aware of that and It prevents me to change while around them. But toward new people It is different, i can be confident without them finding that being weird from me.
 
No, using another name for yourself isn't illegal. Think of it as a nickname. Do you have a middle name? If so, how do you feel about that?

You can change your outlook on life whenever you are ready to, but be careful you don't just pretend to be someone else. That could cause problems later down the road for any relationship you might have. It kind of sounds like you want to live a double life, though. One person for the people that already know you and one person for new people. If you want to change, it has to be in every relationship, past, present or future or it'll never work.
Talk to the people you know, tell them you are planning to change things.
 
My name is Irvin.

I think it's pretty meh. But over time I stopped caring. I don't care what my name is. It's not about who I am, it's about what I do. Cliche but true.
 
TheRealCallie said:
No, using another name for yourself isn't illegal. Think of it as a nickname. Do you have a middle name? If so, how do you feel about that?

You can change your outlook on life whenever you are ready to, but be careful you don't just pretend to be someone else. That could cause problems later down the road for any relationship you might have. It kind of sounds like you want to live a double life, though. One person for the people that already know you and one person for new people. If you want to change, it has to be in every relationship, past, present or future or it'll never work.
Talk to the people you know, tell them you are planning to change things.

Actually i dont want to live a double life, but maybe that is what might happen for a while until i completly achieve to change and achieve to have a real group of friends. When i came back to the place where i'am living now, i was in a very hard situation in my life and that kinda brought some bad vibes and i cannot get rid of them, i met all the people i know actually at that time and they have the idea that i'am a negative/depressive person and when everyone see you that way it is kinda impossible to feel different. That is why i want to change, also i hate who i'am, the person i have to act everyday to fit in society, i want to be somebody else but i will not change completly, just start a new life and be a better version of myself if possible.
Also i think the nickname might be a good option for now, if i get everyone used to call me by that a name i like it would be cool and the official name would only be used for well.. official purposes.
 
Pennywise said:
TheRealCallie said:
No, using another name for yourself isn't illegal. Think of it as a nickname. Do you have a middle name? If so, how do you feel about that?

You can change your outlook on life whenever you are ready to, but be careful you don't just pretend to be someone else. That could cause problems later down the road for any relationship you might have. It kind of sounds like you want to live a double life, though. One person for the people that already know you and one person for new people. If you want to change, it has to be in every relationship, past, present or future or it'll never work.
Talk to the people you know, tell them you are planning to change things.

Actually i dont want to live a double life, but maybe that is what might happen for a while until i completly achieve to change and achieve to have a real group of friends. When i came back to the place where i'am living now, i was in a very hard situation in my life and that kinda brought some bad vibes and i cannot get rid of them, i met all the people i know actually at that time and they have the idea that i'am a negative/depressive person and when everyone see you that way it is kinda impossible to feel different. That is why i want to change, also i hate who i'am, the person i have to act everyday to fit in society, i want to be somebody else but i will not change completly, just start a new life and be a better version of myself if possible.
Also i think the nickname might be a good option for now, if i get everyone used to call me by that a name i like it would be cool and the official name would only be used for well.. official purposes.

Do you mind telling me what your name is? Because it's had such an effect on your life I don't understand what it could be.
 
Droopy said:
Pennywise said:
TheRealCallie said:
No, using another name for yourself isn't illegal. Think of it as a nickname. Do you have a middle name? If so, how do you feel about that?

You can change your outlook on life whenever you are ready to, but be careful you don't just pretend to be someone else. That could cause problems later down the road for any relationship you might have. It kind of sounds like you want to live a double life, though. One person for the people that already know you and one person for new people. If you want to change, it has to be in every relationship, past, present or future or it'll never work.
Talk to the people you know, tell them you are planning to change things.

Actually i dont want to live a double life, but maybe that is what might happen for a while until i completly achieve to change and achieve to have a real group of friends. When i came back to the place where i'am living now, i was in a very hard situation in my life and that kinda brought some bad vibes and i cannot get rid of them, i met all the people i know actually at that time and they have the idea that i'am a negative/depressive person and when everyone see you that way it is kinda impossible to feel different. That is why i want to change, also i hate who i'am, the person i have to act everyday to fit in society, i want to be somebody else but i will not change completly, just start a new life and be a better version of myself if possible.
Also i think the nickname might be a good option for now, if i get everyone used to call me by that a name i like it would be cool and the official name would only be used for well.. official purposes.

Do you mind telling me what your name is? Because it's had such an effect on your life I don't understand what it could be.

No, it is not the name, it is more my identity, the name is just a part of it. Changing name is symbolic way to cut with my past life and be someone else that would be more related to who i really want to be.
 
I think you need to think this through. You can pack up and move and reinvent yourself. You can reinvent yourself right where you are. You say you haven't found a group to fit in with, then expand your base. You don't have to move to do that. There are literally tens of thousands of people all around that you haven't yet met. There are some close neighboring communities, etc.
As for changing your name, that could seriously hamper you in finding a job . Maybe you don't need a job now, but that would be very hard to explain. Like it or not, changing your name would make most people think you are hiding some serious problem. And, even when you meet new people under your new name, someone is eventually going to find out. That won't play out well. You have perfectly fine reasons to change your name but most people aren't going to see that. That's just my opinion.
If you want to shorten your name, or use your middle name or something like that, then i dont' see a problem. But, think about it.
 
Pennywise said:
Droopy said:
Pennywise said:
TheRealCallie said:
No, using another name for yourself isn't illegal. Think of it as a nickname. Do you have a middle name? If so, how do you feel about that?

You can change your outlook on life whenever you are ready to, but be careful you don't just pretend to be someone else. That could cause problems later down the road for any relationship you might have. It kind of sounds like you want to live a double life, though. One person for the people that already know you and one person for new people. If you want to change, it has to be in every relationship, past, present or future or it'll never work.
Talk to the people you know, tell them you are planning to change things.

Actually i dont want to live a double life, but maybe that is what might happen for a while until i completly achieve to change and achieve to have a real group of friends. When i came back to the place where i'am living now, i was in a very hard situation in my life and that kinda brought some bad vibes and i cannot get rid of them, i met all the people i know actually at that time and they have the idea that i'am a negative/depressive person and when everyone see you that way it is kinda impossible to feel different. That is why i want to change, also i hate who i'am, the person i have to act everyday to fit in society, i want to be somebody else but i will not change completly, just start a new life and be a better version of myself if possible.
Also i think the nickname might be a good option for now, if i get everyone used to call me by that a name i like it would be cool and the official name would only be used for well.. official purposes.

Do you mind telling me what your name is? Because it's had such an effect on your life I don't understand what it could be.

No, it is not the name, it is more my identity, the name is just a part of it. Changing name is symbolic way to cut with my past life and be someone else that would be more related to who i really want to be.

Your identity? Now this changes a lot. Sorry for some dumb reason I thought this was "Changing name".

This reminds me of something I had to learn. You can never regain innocence. But you can always be better. You know what you don't want to become, so you learn from your past experiences and use that lesson to forge yourself into something different.

Now I don't feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I don't feel like my life isn't going to go on because I'm not innocent anymore. I'm going to be a better person. People might not know who I was, or what kind of person I used to be. But it's not important. You are who you are now. That's what people know you for.


Sorry that made no sense and probably has no relevance to this post.
 
Pennywise said:
Droopy said:
Pennywise said:
TheRealCallie said:
No, using another name for yourself isn't illegal. Think of it as a nickname. Do you have a middle name? If so, how do you feel about that?

You can change your outlook on life whenever you are ready to, but be careful you don't just pretend to be someone else. That could cause problems later down the road for any relationship you might have. It kind of sounds like you want to live a double life, though. One person for the people that already know you and one person for new people. If you want to change, it has to be in every relationship, past, present or future or it'll never work.
Talk to the people you know, tell them you are planning to change things.

Actually i dont want to live a double life, but maybe that is what might happen for a while until i completly achieve to change and achieve to have a real group of friends. When i came back to the place where i'am living now, i was in a very hard situation in my life and that kinda brought some bad vibes and i cannot get rid of them, i met all the people i know actually at that time and they have the idea that i'am a negative/depressive person and when everyone see you that way it is kinda impossible to feel different. That is why i want to change, also i hate who i'am, the person i have to act everyday to fit in society, i want to be somebody else but i will not change completly, just start a new life and be a better version of myself if possible.
Also i think the nickname might be a good option for now, if i get everyone used to call me by that a name i like it would be cool and the official name would only be used for well.. official purposes.

Do you mind telling me what your name is? Because it's had such an effect on your life I don't understand what it could be.

No, it is not the name, it is more my identity, the name is just a part of it. Changing name is symbolic way to cut with my past life and be someone else that would be more related to who i really want to be.

Well there is a saying. Change your location and change your luck. I can totally see how that can work for me. I feel like my location has become some sort of maze i cannot escape. Same old same old. That just keeps me locked in. But its a maze with a lot of bad energy..old tired energy..so..like if I got out of that environment..well who knows?
 
Thanks everybody for the answers, i have a question about nicknames, can i use it directly pretending it is my name or will i look weird using it? Should i tell that it is a nickname when i use it? Because sometimes people do use nicknames but i dont know if it is regarded as strange or that maybe people will end up supicious if i use a name that is not my official one.

I'am talking in the case i met someone new, can i for example introduce myself using a nickname? Maybe it could be done in some situations only? The problem i think is that the person may end up being closer later and they will find out i didnt used my "true" name and that can make the situation awkward i think. What is your opinion?
 
Pennywise said:
Thanks everybody for the answers, i have a question about nicknames, can i use it directly pretending it is my name or will i look weird using it? Should i tell that it is a nickname when i use it? Because sometimes people do use nicknames but i dont know if it is regarded as strange or that maybe people will end up supicious if i use a name that is not my official one.

I'am talking in the case i met someone new, can i for example introduce myself using a nickname? Maybe it could be done in some situations only? The problem i think is that the person may end up being closer later and they will find out i didnt used my "true" name and that can make the situation awkward i think. What is your opinion?

When it comes to stuff like work and papers, contracts, bills etc obviously you need to sign and list your real name. But when talking with friends you can exchange your nickname instead and never tell them your real name, however it would be better to tell them if you do bond with them in the long term, unless it's really horrible on you because it does show as a sign of trust. No matter what your name is, when it comes to friends, if you meet a quality life long buddy you may find yourself having to.

But really, no reason you can't like sign formal papers with your realm name and when communicating with people even for bills, customer service, accounting etc telling them your nickname instead. Sorry hope you get waht i mean
 
Droopy said:
Pennywise said:
Thanks everybody for the answers, i have a question about nicknames, can i use it directly pretending it is my name or will i look weird using it? Should i tell that it is a nickname when i use it? Because sometimes people do use nicknames but i dont know if it is regarded as strange or that maybe people will end up supicious if i use a name that is not my official one.

I'am talking in the case i met someone new, can i for example introduce myself using a nickname? Maybe it could be done in some situations only? The problem i think is that the person may end up being closer later and they will find out i didnt used my "true" name and that can make the situation awkward i think. What is your opinion?

When it comes to stuff like work and papers, contracts, bills etc obviously you need to sign and list your real name. But when talking with friends you can exchange your nickname instead and never tell them your real name, however it would be better to tell them if you do bond with them in the long term, unless it's really horrible on you because it does show as a sign of trust. No matter what your name is, when it comes to friends, if you meet a quality life long buddy you may find yourself having to.

But really, no reason you can't like sign formal papers with your realm name and when communicating with people even for bills, customer service, accounting etc telling them your nickname instead. Sorry hope you get waht i mean

Thanks for the advices, i will try to take in consideration. I'am actually trying to create a new social circle i might try the nickname with them(once i found a way to meet new people and not being alone).
If i get your last sentence right i can use my nickname also to communicate with people working in official situations, i just have to use my "real" name to sign formal stuff, i that right?
 
Pennywise said:
Droopy said:
Pennywise said:
Thanks everybody for the answers, i have a question about nicknames, can i use it directly pretending it is my name or will i look weird using it? Should i tell that it is a nickname when i use it? Because sometimes people do use nicknames but i dont know if it is regarded as strange or that maybe people will end up supicious if i use a name that is not my official one.

I'am talking in the case i met someone new, can i for example introduce myself using a nickname? Maybe it could be done in some situations only? The problem i think is that the person may end up being closer later and they will find out i didnt used my "true" name and that can make the situation awkward i think. What is your opinion?

When it comes to stuff like work and papers, contracts, bills etc obviously you need to sign and list your real name. But when talking with friends you can exchange your nickname instead and never tell them your real name, however it would be better to tell them if you do bond with them in the long term, unless it's really horrible on you because it does show as a sign of trust. No matter what your name is, when it comes to friends, if you meet a quality life long buddy you may find yourself having to.

But really, no reason you can't like sign formal papers with your realm name and when communicating with people even for bills, customer service, accounting etc telling them your nickname instead. Sorry hope you get waht i mean

Thanks for the advices, i will try to take in consideration. I'am actually trying to create a new social circle i might try the nickname with them(once i found a way to meet new people and not being alone).
If i get your last sentence right i can use my nickname also to communicate with people working in official situations, i just have to use my "real" name to sign formal stuff, i that right?

You might want to be careful using your nickname with formal stuff. You can tell them what you prefer to be called and depending on the situation, they might add a name about it and call you that. But for signatures, you will have to sign your real name. For bills, you will have to use whatever name is on your bank accounts/credit cards.

As for social situations, yeah, don't bother with your real name, just use the name you want to be called. If you become close to them, you can always tell them your legal name and why you changed it, but you aren't obligated to.

Since the day my oldest son was born, he has not been called by his legal name. He has a nickname. Yes, for official/legal documents and situations, he has to use his real name. He knows his real names and people that are close to him know his real name. But they never call him by that name. He introduces himself by his nickname everywhere he goes, but for formal situations (college officials/new doctors), he has started to introduce himself by his real name but immediately tells them his prefers to be called by his nickname. It has worked out very well for him, so I don't see why it wouldn't work out for you in new situations. Obviously, it will be more difficult integrating it into the life you already have, but it's by no means impossible at all.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Pennywise said:
Droopy said:
Pennywise said:
Thanks everybody for the answers, i have a question about nicknames, can i use it directly pretending it is my name or will i look weird using it? Should i tell that it is a nickname when i use it? Because sometimes people do use nicknames but i dont know if it is regarded as strange or that maybe people will end up supicious if i use a name that is not my official one.

I'am talking in the case i met someone new, can i for example introduce myself using a nickname? Maybe it could be done in some situations only? The problem i think is that the person may end up being closer later and they will find out i didnt used my "true" name and that can make the situation awkward i think. What is your opinion?

When it comes to stuff like work and papers, contracts, bills etc obviously you need to sign and list your real name. But when talking with friends you can exchange your nickname instead and never tell them your real name, however it would be better to tell them if you do bond with them in the long term, unless it's really horrible on you because it does show as a sign of trust. No matter what your name is, when it comes to friends, if you meet a quality life long buddy you may find yourself having to.

But really, no reason you can't like sign formal papers with your realm name and when communicating with people even for bills, customer service, accounting etc telling them your nickname instead. Sorry hope you get waht i mean

Thanks for the advices, i will try to take in consideration. I'am actually trying to create a new social circle i might try the nickname with them(once i found a way to meet new people and not being alone).
If i get your last sentence right i can use my nickname also to communicate with people working in official situations, i just have to use my "real" name to sign formal stuff, i that right?

You might want to be careful using your nickname with formal stuff. You can tell them what you prefer to be called and depending on the situation, they might add a name about it and call you that. But for signatures, you will have to sign your real name. For bills, you will have to use whatever name is on your bank accounts/credit cards.

As for social situations, yeah, don't bother with your real name, just use the name you want to be called. If you become close to them, you can always tell them your legal name and why you changed it, but you aren't obligated to.

Since the day my oldest son was born, he has not been called by his legal name. He has a nickname. Yes, for official/legal documents and situations, he has to use his real name. He knows his real names and people that are close to him know his real name. But they never call him by that name. He introduces himself by his nickname everywhere he goes, but for formal situations (college officials/new doctors), he has started to introduce himself by his real name but immediately tells them his prefers to be called by his nickname. It has worked out very well for him, so I don't see why it wouldn't work out for you in new situations. Obviously, it will be more difficult integrating it into the life you already have, but it's by no means impossible at all.

Yeah this is what I tried to say but I have a tendency to ramble and drag my points out too much, making them less clear xD

Yeah, official, legal and important stuff just use the real name. Nick name everything else.
 
My oldest brother has gone by a nickname our father gave him the day he was born...everyone, everyone who has ever known him, knows him as "Skip". The legal name on his documents is something else. It's caused no problems at all. Skip he is in his everyday dealings and the other name is what he uses on paper. That might work for you if you wish it for your own reasons, Pennywise.

But if you're looking to leave your whole previous identity behind and choose to adopt a new one, does the old identity become a secret? Something to be kept hidden? If so, then secrets can become burdensome.....like keeping a lie functioning....it would take an expenditure of effort to keep the made-up story going, there would probably have to be more and more "explanations" to keep the hidden thing hidden. Might become tiring. What about reinventing yourself but not pretend the previous you never existed?

Hope that makes sense. The whole thing already seems kind of convoluted.
 
constant stranger said:
My oldest brother has gone by a nickname our father gave him the day he was born...everyone, everyone who has ever known him, knows him as "Skip". The legal name on his documents is something else. It's caused no problems at all. Skip he is in his everyday dealings and the other name is what he uses on paper. That might work for you if you wish it for your own reasons, Pennywise.

But if you're looking to leave your whole previous identity behind and choose to adopt a new one, does the old identity become a secret? Something to be kept hidden? If so, then secrets can become burdensome.....like keeping a lie functioning....it would take an expenditure of effort to keep the made-up story going, there would probably have to be more and more "explanations" to keep the hidden thing hidden. Might become tiring. What about reinventing yourself but not pretend the previous you never existed?

Hope that makes sense. The whole thing already seems kind of convoluted.

Thanks for all the answers, it really helps me :)
Yeah i dont attent to complety change how i'am like making the old me dissapear, i know i wont be someone else, but actually i suck, i'am 26 and never had a girlfriend, i do alot of sport but never accomplished nothing, i have many dreams but people around me see me as a looser, so i think moving forward and creating a new social circle is the only way to be able to advance in my life. When i meet new people i will try to make myself look better and positive so i might lie a little or hide how miserable i actually am, but i will not pretend the old me never existed.
 

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