Messed Up a Very Important Date (Friends' Wedding)

So, as the title says, I messed up royally. I was invited to a wedding between two of my friends, who have been nothing but awesome to me over the years, sharing in laughs, inviting me to things, going out of their way for me. They invited me to their wedding, which I had sworn was next Saturday, October 8th.

It was yesterday. I just saw the pictures on Facebook and I felt like such a jerk.

I didn't go, so certain that it was the 8th. I'd been saying the 8th all month. I don't know how I got the wrong date so stuck in my head, especially since in the invitation, there were three separate items that all said October 2. But I stayed in yesterday thinking it was still a week off - and too busy thinking of my problems and feeling sorry for myself to double-check the invitation.

To make matters worse, I didn't go to the bachelor party, which I was also invited to, because I couldn't afford it.

I feel like this easily ranks among the biggest mistakes I've ever made, and the dumbest things I've ever done. Any time this past month I could have checked the invitation and gotten it right. I simply got the dates mixed up. I feel so stupid and a terrible friend, and I have no idea how I can make it up to my friends who were so nice to invite me even though I hadn't seen them since the week of New Year's in 2015. I don't want to just say nothing, and I know I need to acknowledge my mistake as quickly as possible. But everything I can think of to say sounds so lame. I have no excuse and I know it. I feel terrible - this was a landmark occasion for them, and I must have made them feel like an option. I know I would be hurt. I don't know what to do.

I feel like this deserves an in-person apology, but my friends live a fair ways away and I can't just walk or bike over. All I really have is online communication through Facebook, but I feel that to apologize to them there would make an already-lame mistake that much worse.

What should I do to try and make things right, as best I can? What would any of you do? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

So was the wedding far away too?

I think they'll understand if you just explain it to them. Perhaps if they aren't on a honeymoon, you can still go visit them this weekend and make amends. But, I would still tell them over Facebook if that's your only option and tell them you would like to come visit this weekend. Perhaps a phone call would be better than FB though.

TheRealCallie said:

So was the wedding far away too?

I think they'll understand if you just explain it to them. Perhaps if they aren't on a honeymoon, you can still go visit them this weekend and make amends. But, I would still tell them over Facebook if that's your only option and tell them you would like to come visit this weekend. Perhaps a phone call would be better than FB though.

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My friends don't live in my town, but the wedding was in the area and I could have gotten to it. But I didn't think to check, because I was completely certain that it was next Saturday.

As it is today, FB is my only means of communication. I understand how a phone would be better and in person would be best, but it's all I have at the moment.

I feel terrible, they must have felt like I treated them like an afterthought. I'm very ashamed.

Okay, I mean absolutely no offense to you in any way (I would say this to anyone, even my best friend).....but, I don't think their priority on their wedding day was you. I mean, I'm sure they noticed, likely after the fact, but I very highly doubt, if they are your friends, that they think any ill of you for not being there.

They'll understand. If you got them a gift, send it to them in the mail or figure out how to travel to see them sometime soon to give it to them yourself. Yes, you messed up the date, but I really don't think it's as bad as you're thinking it is.

TheRealCallie said:

Okay, I mean absolutely no offense to you in any way (I would say this to anyone, even my best friend).....but, I don't think their priority on their wedding day was you. I mean, I'm sure they noticed, likely after the fact, but I very highly doubt, if they are your friends, that they think any ill of you for not being there.

They'll understand. If you got them a gift, send it to them in the mail or figure out how to travel to see them sometime soon to give it to them yourself. Yes, you messed up the date, but I really don't think it's as bad as you're thinking it is.

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I didn't take any offense. I don't think they were sitting around waiting for me to arrive either. It was just really nice of them to invite me, I feel like they have always gone out of their way to include me in things, even when it's inconvenient or unnecessary. I do count them as true friends. I didn't want them to think I was too cool for them or something, like I couldn't be bothered to attend their special day. It was an accident, a very dumb one and I should have known better but an accident nonetheless.

What should I say to them? Like I said, everything I can think of sounds weak, and it is but I have to say something.

Tell them the truth. It's usually always the best thing to do for anything. Tell them what you said in here.

I would sit down and write them a letter and explain to them that you honestly got the dates mixed up and that you feel really bad about it. Tell them exactly what you said in your post here.

Letters make a better impression than e-mails or Facebook posts. It shows you really took the time to communicate with them. Good luck.

TheRealCallie said:

Tell them the truth. It's usually always the best thing to do for anything. Tell them what you said in here.

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Yeah, I think I'll just do that. There really isn't anything else I can say. I just hope Facebook chat isn't too disrespectful, since it's the only option I have.

BeyondShy said:

I would sit down and write them a letter and explain to them that you honestly got the dates mixed up and that you feel really bad about it. Tell them exactly what you said in your post here.

Letters make a better impression than e-mails or Facebook posts. It shows you really took the time to communicate with them. Good luck.

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I see what you mean about the letter showing more thought, but it also takes more time for it to arrive. With online communication, I can acknowledge my mistake right away.

If Facebook is your only option for communication, get on and send them a message (today). Since you sound truly sorry, apologize. Personally, I would also send your friends a heartfelt gift and a note - it's not too late.
Was it a big wedding? Like over 50-75 people? You weren't a groomsman, no? It's possible they barely noticed your absence with all the wedding day jitters and groomsmen, bridesmaids, friends and family to entertain that day.
People make mistakes and maybe in a few years, you'll be laughing about blanking on your friends' wedding date.

Can I ask what made you think it was nearly a week later? Did you read or hear anything that put in your mind the 8th instead of the 2nd?

Hi,

I would let them know as soon as possible, how sorry you are and truthfully what happened. Then follow up with a lovely heartfelt card and present within your price range, maybe with some extra thought put into it, like personised or those things you can make with the grid ref of the wedding their name and wedding date. You can buy of make yourself getting ideas off the internet. They might really appreciate something with so much thought and care put into it.

SofiasMami said:

If Facebook is your only option for communication, get on and send them a message (today). Since you sound truly sorry, apologize. Personally, I would also send your friends a heartfelt gift and a note - it's not too late.
Was it a big wedding? Like over 50-75 people? You weren't a groomsman, no? It's possible they barely noticed your absence with all the wedding day jitters and groomsmen, bridesmaids, friends and family to entertain that day.
People make mistakes and maybe in a few years, you'll be laughing about blanking on your friends' wedding date.

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There were a fair number of people there, but I don't think it was huge, and while I wasn't a groomsman I do believe my absence was noticed. I am indeed truly sorry about it. I hope they will understand that it was a horrible mistake on my part, but I have been afraid of what they will say. I really hope they let me make it up somehow.

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VanillaCreme said:

Can I ask what made you think it was nearly a week later? Did you read or hear anything that put in your mind the 8th instead of the 2nd?

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Sure, it was just a simple error on my part. I don't know how I got it so stuck in my head either, as usually weddings come shortly after the bachelor/bachelorette parties. But I was so sure that it was the 8th that I didn't think to check the invitation. Also, the 8th is a Saturday, which to me made more sense than the 2nd which was a Sunday.

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Serenia said:

Hi,

I would let them know as soon as possible, how sorry you are and truthfully what happened. Then follow up with a lovely heartfelt card and present within your price range, maybe with some extra thought put into it, like personised or those things you can make with the grid ref of the wedding their name and wedding date. You can buy of make yourself getting ideas off the internet. They might really appreciate something with so much thought and care put into it.

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Thanks Serenia, that sounds like a wonderful idea. I know I need to do something special, to show them i'm sorry and that I care. I just hope i'll get to redeem myself soon.

Message sent. Nervously awaiting reply, afraid I will get a harsh but well-deserved cold shoulder.

TheSkaFish said:

Message sent. Nervously awaiting reply, afraid I will get a harsh but well-deserved cold shoulder.

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I hope not. It is not like you did it on purpose and you didn't care about it or their feelings. I am very sure you expressed that to them in the message that you sent them.

BeyondShy said:

TheSkaFish said:

Message sent. Nervously awaiting reply, afraid I will get a harsh but well-deserved cold shoulder.

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I hope not. It is not like you did it on purpose and you didn't care about it or their feelings. I am very sure you expressed that to them in the message that you sent them.

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Right. I know I wouldn't think someone had any malice or bad intent for not showing up. It's a shame you missed it, but I'm sure they're okay with it. Perhaps you can look at any registries they may have and purchase something, or even go out somewhere and get something you think is nice. I don't know what your budget or anything is, but nice gifts don't have to be expensive.

BeyondShy said:

I hope not. It is not like you did it on purpose and you didn't care about it or their feelings. I am very sure you expressed that to them in the message that you sent them.

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I did, I apologized thoroughly. I just hope they realized it was sincere and didn't think it was fake. I felt very bad about it, and still do today. In fact, I've been afraid to log on to Facebook. If they are angry or if they don't reply at all, I'd feel horrible that my stupid mistake caused me to alienate my friends.

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VanillaCreme said:

Right. I know I wouldn't think someone had any malice or bad intent for not showing up. It's a shame you missed it, but I'm sure they're okay with it. Perhaps you can look at any registries they may have and purchase something, or even go out somewhere and get something you think is nice. I don't know what your budget or anything is, but nice gifts don't have to be expensive.

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I hope they won't think it was malicious either. I just feel bad because I told them I would go, and I didn't. I'm just really afraid they will think I felt they weren't important enough or something, which is not true but my mistake was so dumb, they had the correct date down on 3 different things.

In my apology to them I told them I would like to make it up to them somehow if at all possible, so I hope they will agree to it. I'll have to look and see if there's a gift they didn't already get.

Like I said, I've been so afraid of what they might say or not say that I haven't logged in to Facebook all day. I guess I will have to face the music sooner or later.

Hey Ska,

Please don't worry about them not replying straight away, as Newlyweds they may be on honeymoon and if not have a few things to sort out and possibly be preoccupied.

Just concentrate on other things for now, which I know is hard when you feel bad about something.

^ Thanks for the reassuring message as always, Serenia

I eventually worked up the nerve to check my Facebook, and to my relief, my friends weren't mad at all. They knew it was an accident. Now I'm just bummed I didn't get a chance to celebrate with everyone. Hopefully there will be another time soon. I would still like to do something special for them, when I get the chance.