I feel like one of my "best friends" used me?

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Gemmy

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My "best friend" Michael and I have been friends since 2008 though we haven't been as close since graduating back in 2012. I have a child now and I'm working on a career all the while being in school full time and working full time. We don't talk as much as we used to but we talk here and there. A few days ago, I called him to see how he was doing and everything seemed fine. The next morning while on my way to work, I get a text from him asking is there any way I could give him $350 because he and his mom were getting ready to get kicked out of their house. As I said before, we haven't talked a lot in a while and I've never given anyone outside of immediate family that much money. I'm also saving for a car and my own place and really don't have the means to just give away my money. I talked to him and asked him if there was any way I could just give him something just to help as 350 dollars is a lot of money. He basically brushed off the other offerings and was saying they needed it urgently. As bad as I did not want to, I ended up giving him the $350.

I talked to some mutual friends and close co-workers about the situation and they all agreed that what he did was fake as he hasn't been talking to me and basically called for his benefit. There have been times in the past where I needed help from him and all he could give me was excuses. Should I be done with him for using me?

He and his mom also talked crap about me when they found out I was pregnant with my daughter 3 years ago. I just wanted to help but now I feel stupid and I really feel like he used me. I feel very betrayed. I thought he would see that I have my own struggles and that he should've appreciated whatever amount I gave him. This is not the first time he's walked on me.  I'm seriously ready to cut him off. It's not like I have a lot of friends anyway.
 
Well, if he was about to be evicted, he likely asked a lot of people. I don't think there's any way to tell if he's using you, based on that situation, because if he really was about to be evicted...well, desperate time, desperate measures and all that, right? And if you were his last hope, something isn't really better than nothing in this situation, because he would have to give his landlord or whoever ALL of the money. Does that make sense or did I explain it wrong? lol

You didn't HAVE to give him the money, you could have said no if you didn't feel comfortable with it. I don't think you should feel stupid at all about it. But, you should never be afraid to say no and stick to it if you don't feel comfortable with something. But yeah, if you feel that's what he's doing and don't see any redeeming qualities, I would say it's time to cut him off....but please get your money back before you do.
 
Thank you for the advice. It's actually not his place, it is his moms. Michael  is 24 going on 25 and can work full time but refuses to. He has no responsibilities. Like, he literally plays pokemon all day and spends his money on things that are not helping him when he could be using the money to help his mom. I just feel like someone should not reach out to you only when they need something because like I said before, he has not talked to me in awhile and I'm usually the one reaching out. I have a child and it's hard taking care of her and I alone. I cannot really afford to be giving away large amounts of money, especially when I'm not responsible for their rent and he's bad mouthed me a lot.
 
Gemmy said:
Thank you for the advice. It's actually not his place, it is his moms. Michael  is 24 going on 25 and can work full time but refuses to. He has no responsibilities. Like, he literally plays pokemon all day and spends his money on things that are not helping him when he could be using the money to help his mom. I just feel like someone should not reach out to you only when they need something because like I said before, he has not talked to me in awhile and I'm usually the one reaching out. I have a child and it's hard taking care of her and I alone. I cannot really afford to be giving away large amounts of money, especially when I'm not responsible for their rent and he's bad mouthed me a lot.
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Oh well, yeah, if he refuses to get a job, then I would have definitely told him no.  If there's no reason he can't have a job, he should have one, even if it's a shitty job, to help contribute, whether he's on his own or living with someone else. 

I understand entirely about the single mom thing.  I have two of my own, so I know how hard it can be.  I won't say i know exactly what he's doing and why, but it doesn't sound like he appreciates you all that much.
 
If you really didn't have the means to lend him the money, I'm sure he would have understood. I think that was all your choice in loaning him the money. However, I don't think it was right him and his mother talked badly about you. Whether you have a child or not is your business. I don't think he used you, but I wouldn't blame anyone if they did see it that way. I don't know if he asked you because he thought he could count on you to pull through for him or what, but don't allow anyone guilt you into doing something, especially if you can't really do it.

But honestly, now you know his colors, and now you know that if he were to ever come to you again, he might act the same way.
 
How many hours did u work to earn $350? Let your user friend get off his own arse and do the same. Wow.
 
Well, the fact that you are calling him a "best friend" in quotations says it all right there. He's not really a friend, much less a best friend, is he? Don't try to convince yourself otherwise.
In my experience, when I've found out that someone was talking crap about me, like Michael and his mom were with you, I've left them behind as they don't deserve another minute of my time.
In terms of friends, you can do far better than that.
 
When did you lend the money & has he payed anything back, or has he told you when he can pay you back?

The reason I ask is because in your shoe's I would keep in touch with the aim of getting the money back, but I would not consider him a friend any more.
 
Sorry for the extremely late reply. I kinda went MIA and forgot I made this post. To update, I have since cut Michael off. Right before I did, he asked me for $350 again and I simply told him no. It made me very upset that he would ask me again knowing I have a child. He tried to tell me he'd pay me right back but I just told him no. I did not hear from him until he wanted something. I'm not dealing with him anymore.
 
Gemmy said:
Sorry for the extremely late reply. I kinda went MIA and forgot I made this post. To update, I have since cut Michael off. Right before I did, he asked me for $350 again and I simply told him no. It made me very upset that he would ask me again knowing I have a child. He tried to tell me he'd pay me right back but I just told him no. I did not hear from him until he wanted something. I'm not dealing with him anymore.
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The more you posted about him the more he sounded like he was lying. So I think you made the right choice by cutting him off, you don't need that in your life. The fact that you called him clearly triggered something in his mind to exploit you... or it seems to me at least. But don't get me wrong, this wasn't your fault; and I wouldn't feel stupid, either. That's like saying all kind people who give others the benefit of the doubt are stupid, but it's sad that there are people who eploit this.
 
9006 said:
Gemmy said:
Sorry for the extremely late reply. I kinda went MIA and forgot I made this post. To update, I have since cut Michael off. Right before I did, he asked me for $350 again and I simply told him no. It made me very upset that he would ask me again knowing I have a child. He tried to tell me he'd pay me right back but I just told him no. I did not hear from him until he wanted something. I'm not dealing with him anymore.
Click to expand...

The more you posted about him the more he sounded like he was lying. So I think you made the right choice by cutting him off, you don't need that in your life. The fact that you called him clearly triggered something in his mind to exploit you... or it seems to me at least. But don't get me wrong, this wasn't your fault; and I wouldn't feel stupid, either. That's like saying all kind people who give others the benefit of the doubt are stupid, but it's sad that there are people who eploit this.

Funny how you didn't hear from him till he wanted something. You have done the right thing Gemmy.
Click to expand...
 

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