EveWasFramed
Well-known member
Does anyone here either have, or know someone who has, just a few of the symptoms and which ones are they? How do they affect you (or the person you know who has them)?
Thank you!
Thank you!
SofiasMami said:Years ago when I was a mental health caseworker, I had a few clients with Borderline Personality Disorder. They weren't my favorite, I will just say that.
Are you dealing with someone who has BPD?
SofiasMami said:Manipulation was a huge problem and lots of drama. Inappropriate relationships with poor boundaries. Self harm. Drama was like a homing beacon for the clients I worked with. One had some legal problems and was violent. It can quite a complex disorder.
The clients I worked with were also in psychiatric treatment and on medications.
TheRealCallie said:The only BPD I know is a song. Sorry.
[youtube]qgOimPY3E0s[/youtube]
ABrokenMan said:Hi Eve,
My last three relationships = 2 borderlines (one I bailed on, the other bailed on me) and one narcissist. After all that, I'm done. They all literally destroyed me, and changed me, not for the better, unfortunately. I see 'bad' things and emotions in myself that are not what I was. i used to forgive, take the high road. No more. i used to freely trust. No more.
There is not one stereotype of of someone who suffers from BPD. The patterns run across a spectrum, some have a lot of traits (repeated cheating, lying, physical outbursts, hot and cold emotions in the relationship). But, myself, having suffered the fallout from my borderline ex's actions (things i have posted on ALL in the past), I've learned quite a bit about how to spot the behaviors and also how to cope - mainly, by setting firm boundaries.
Borderlines have very little empathy. They just can't do it. It's all about self preservation and survival since they cannot face whatever trauma they suffered as a infant or young child. treatment often fails because getting better involves learning to cope, and they prefer to just roll on as they've always done, regardless of who they hurt. Because they see nothing wrong with their actions. Mine used to brush everything bad / negative / hurtful aside by saying "It takes two to tango".
They want love, but can't give it freely. They do, however, REQUIRE attention and validation. Not from one person, but from MANY. That's why one partner can't ever satisfy their needs and wants. My ex was constantly on her phone, texting away.
this behavior is huge, as well - for them, feelings = facts. Reality for them is 100% feelings. not facts. They lie, project, gaslight, and, the worst, paint you black (cut you off from their life at the slightest whim) in an instant without any regard or care for the feelings of the partner that they hurt.
Personality disorders, IMO are not mental illnesses, but learned behavior to cope. That's why many of them often have addictions. My ex is hypersexual (any guy,no matter who he might be, is in her sights for sex) and an alcoholic. She's very high functioning borderline; you'd never know it. she's got a great job, charming, social. She framed everything so that I would see her and I as 'true love. Truthfully in hindsight, she had me marked as an additional male orbiter for her roster of willing guys because I was alone and without a girlfriend for quite some time.
The rollercoaster ride one embarks upon when involved with a borderline is well documented by us nons (non BPD people), all of whom suffer the same outcome - they are literally left in the cold with their feelings, while the borderline partner simply and seemingly overnight moves down the aisle of romance with another partner, as if you never even existed in their life. You are casually discarded like a used up paper plate, tossed in the garbage can. That's how I still feel, three years later.
I've not had very many relationships in my life. Maybe that's why borderline girls / ladies made a beeline for me. I'm an easy target. I was honest, true (never cheat) a gentlemen, and I'd do anything to make her happy. They used me until they got what they wanted. Me, I was just one person in a mu,ti triangle and i never even knew until feelings had been cultivated and invested. The one thing that keeps rolling about in my mind was the day my ex and I had our first casual date. She said, "I hate a liar" at one point in our conversation. She also said she wasn't a cheater. Both of those statements proved over time to be painfully untrue.
ABrokenMan said:My last three relationships = 2 borderlines (one I bailed on, the other bailed on me) and one narcissist. After all that, I'm done. They all literally destroyed me, and changed me, not for the better, unfortunately. I see 'bad' things and emotions in myself that are not what I was. i used to forgive, take the high road. No more. i used to freely trust. No more. [/unquote]
Same, but Im getting better. Time does heal but it takes a long long time. Im over 5 years and still recovering.
My x said he hated lyers too but he was one good lyer and he said he hated cheaters too but he was one good cheater.
And the funniest part was that throughout the whole relationship he accused me of cheating and lying almost all the time. I actually never lied once or cheated once and never even gave him reason to believe so. He was paranoid. And now because he abused me so badly, I feel like he somehow made me just like him.
Mistrustful, negative and paranoid... but again... its getting better. The sun sometimes shines now days.
I always wonder if someone did it to him and made him that way or if he was just that way already.
ABrokenMan said:My congrats, breakingthegirl, for getting and sticking with treatment to help you cope. I wish my ex would at least try.
I never stated all borderlines are a one size fits all, noted right near the onset of my post.
I can only relay what transpired in my relationships. My experiences with a BPD partner(s).
I had no idea what BPD was when I met both girls. i knew what bipolar disorder was; my most recent ex (who is the person I sort of outline in my previous post) considered herself to be that; however, her actions were more closely aligned to someone with BPD. She did not experience mood swings. She was / is impulsive, something that would eventually cause depressive bouts or feelings of deep seated guilt. To avoid feeling that way whenever possible, she would abandon anyone who she felt who might abandon her first. Or, she'd just get "bored" with someone. I think I fell into the latter category.
Man, I thought I found that "one" after decades of searching. It wasn't a whirlwind romance between us, but the textbook case of what most people believe - you find true love when you are not out seeking it. It transpired from many months of friendship, and took root, without hardly any effort at all. It was so natural, so unforced..i never felt clingy, or wary of what she might be doing whenever I wasn't around (boy, did i really have no idea) and she accepted me for who I am, as I did her. Things were fantastic. i put a deposit on an engagement ring. I was going to propose to her on her birthday. It never got to that only a couple of weeks before I was going to enact . the demise of our relationship seemed beyond that of surreal - "How could all this have happened?"
I've learned that I'm co-dependent (childhood issues / trauma); had I been a healthy, and aware of BPD, i would have never allowed myself to be manipulated or lied to repeatedly. i would have understood from the get-go that BPD people are hard-wired a certain way and have to learn to cope, they cannot truly be cured. And that is no slight on anyone with BPD. Therefore, I would have set firm boundaries, and if she couldn't handle that, then I would have removed myself from the relationship.
Instead, I thought I could be "that guy" who finally understood her unlike all of the other guys who ended up hurting her in the past. I thought she needed someone to stand by her. She always apologized and made me feel as if i was her stronghold. someone she needed. all of this was true at that time / moment. But such moments are fleeting.
Do I regret getting involved? No. After the anger and hurt subsides, I do realize both of my former ex-ladies are capable of loving, but not in the same way or degree that I can. i do care about them. Neither will speak to me anymore; I've tried to initiate contact, but I am painted black - a "trigger" as breakingthegirl notes, someone whose memory brings on negative feelings.
I have compassion for / toward anyone with a personality disorder. I just cannot handle getting involved in a romantic relationship with a girl / lady who has one. Again, no slight to BPD ladies on this forum, that's just my preference.
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