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Rach72

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Jan 28, 2016
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Location
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Hello
 
I’m typing this just as a way to let off some steam really.
I’m a 44 year old female.
I would love to meet someone and have a long, loving relationship but it seems very unlikely that it will ever happen, for various reasons.
I’ve had Panic Disorder and Anxiety Disorder since I was 20 years old and for the last 8 years or so I’ve had agoraphobia (although the agoraphobia has improved over the last year). I can now go out but I get more panicky the further away from home I get, so I don’t travel too far from home.
I’m unemployed because of my anxiety problems and I rarely go out to socialise anymore.
 
And on top of all that, I’m gay. I really, really wish I wasn’t. I’m still in the closet because I’m too scared to tell my family about my sexuality. I think my Mother would freak out, she’s made many derogatory comments about gay people in the past. It would make my anxiety so much worse if she reacted badly and I don’t think I could cope with that.  
I’m sure if I met the right person and had their support, I would be brave enough to tell my family the truth about my sexuality, but for now, I keep quiet.
There are so many barriers preventing me from ever meeting someone special, particularly my mental health problems, and as time passes by, I feel my chances of ever finding someone to love are slipping away.
I’m terrified of getting old and being alone.
 
I feel so scared and lonely sometimes.
 
Welcome to A Lonely Life Forum Rach72. This online community may help with your feeling alone....it can help with the letting of steam thing too. So the agoraphobia has improved over the last year eh? Well done! Phobias can be successfully overcome.....being able to go outside and function away from home would be a good goal. All due respect, but I'm thinking that you've got a lot of issues to resolve and in practical terms, you probably need to ID one of them to fix....really fix it....and then move on to the next one.

For what it may be worth, I personally know that anxiety is one of the most painful of the mental health problems to have. But it's a doable thing to cope with. I know that 'cause I've done it and so can you.
 
Sorry to hear about your issue's, anxiety is something that has caused me problems, so the first point that comes to mind is the question of whether you're having councelling, or have considered councelling, to help work through your issue's?

Another point is your physical health, regular exercise can lessen mental health problems.
 
I was also wondering if you're currently receiving treatment or therapy. Anyway, it would probably be best for you to tackle the anxiety first, then address coming out to your family.  Coming out of the closet isn't a race or something that has a limit, so don't think you're doing anything wrong by not telling your mother yet.
 
Hello,

Thanks for your replies. Yes, I am receiving treatment. I've been on various anti-anxiety medications over the years, I've had counselling and also Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). They all helped a little but not enough. I am going to give CBT another go.
I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, which means I often feel very anxious even when there isn't a specific trigger. I can literally feel fine one minute and the next minute I could have a full blown panic attack for no obvious reason. 
It's the fear of not knowing when it is going to strike that is the problem, that's why I became agoraphobic as I was so afraid of having a panic attack whilst out in public, so I avoided going out.
But, like I said in my earlier post, my agoraphobia has improved over the last year.
I will keep battling on and hope that I can get this anxiety under control, then I'll tackle the rest of my issues.

Thanks again for replying to me.
 
Hi, Rach72

I’m a 26 year old female, also struggling with anxiety and feelings of isolation. Hope you feel better soon.

Rach72 said:
Hello
 
I’m typing this just as a way to let off some steam really.
I’m a 44 year old female.
I would love to meet someone and have a long, loving relationship but it seems very unlikely that it will ever happen, for various reasons.
I’ve had Panic Disorder and Anxiety Disorder since I was 20 years old and for the last 8 years or so I’ve had agoraphobia (although the agoraphobia has improved over the last year). I can now go out but I get more panicky the further away from home I get, so I don’t travel too far from home.
I’m unemployed because of my anxiety problems and I rarely go out to socialise anymore.
 
And on top of all that, I’m gay. I really, really wish I wasn’t. I’m still in the closet because I’m too scared to tell my family about my sexuality. I think my Mother would freak out, she’s made many derogatory comments about gay people in the past. It would make my anxiety so much worse if she reacted badly and I don’t think I could cope with that.  
I’m sure if I met the right person and had their support, I would be brave enough to tell my family the truth about my sexuality, but for now, I keep quiet.
There are so many barriers preventing me from ever meeting someone special, particularly my mental health problems, and as time passes by, I feel my chances of ever finding someone to love are slipping away.
I’m terrified of getting old and being alone.
 
I feel so scared and lonely sometimes.
 
Hi Cubas,

Thanks for your message. I’m sorry to read that you’re also struggling with anxiety. I wish there was a magic pill that we could take that would make anxiety disappear forever. 
I hope you’re getting some help and support and hope that things get loads better for you soon x
 
Rach72 said:
Hi Cubas,

Thanks for your message. I’m sorry to read that you’re also struggling with anxiety. I wish there was a magic pill that we could take that would make anxiety disappear forever. 
I hope you’re getting some help and support and hope that things get loads better for you soon x

Thank you for your kind words! Your story really resonated with me, I know it gets really bad, sometimes I feel like the world is spiralling out of control. Anyway, I’ll try to see a therapist for the first time next week. :)
 
Cubas said:
Rach72 said:
Hi Cubas,

Thanks for your message. I’m sorry to read that you’re also struggling with anxiety. I wish there was a magic pill that we could take that would make anxiety disappear forever. 
I hope you’re getting some help and support and hope that things get loads better for you soon x

Thank you for your kind words! Your story really resonated with me, I know it gets really bad, sometimes I feel like the world is spiralling out of control. Anyway, I’ll try to see a therapist for the first time next week. :)

Good luck with the therapy, I hope it will help you a lot. Let us know how you get on.  :)
 
Rach72 said:
Cubas said:
Rach72 said:
Hi Cubas,

Thanks for your message. I’m sorry to read that you’re also struggling with anxiety. I wish there was a magic pill that we could take that would make anxiety disappear forever. 
I hope you’re getting some help and support and hope that things get loads better for you soon x

Thank you for your kind words! Your story really resonated with me, I know it gets really bad, sometimes I feel like the world is spiralling out of control. Anyway, I’ll try to see a therapist for the first time next week. :)

Good luck with the therapy, I hope it will help you a lot. Let us know how you get on.  :)

I’ll keep you on the loop. I’m nervous, I won’t lie. I’ve avoided therapy for years, simply out of fear, because it just feels like an extremely vulnerable position to be in, but now I feel like I don’t have much to lose, and certainly not a lot of pretence to maintain.
 
I’ll keep you on the loop. I’m nervous, I won’t lie. I’ve avoided therapy for years, simply out of fear, because it just feels like an extremely vulnerable position to be in, but now I feel like I don’t have much to lose, and certainly not a lot of pretence to maintain.

I totally understand how you feel, it can be quite daunting, especially if you’ve never had therapy before. But, you’re doing the right thing, as it could turn out to be a blessing for you. Therapy wasn’t that successful for me, but I think that was mostly my own fault because I was always so nervous, I couldn’t wait to get out of the psychiatrist’s office. I hated being psychoanalysed even though she was only trying to help me. I’m my own worst enemy at times.
Therapy does help a lot of people though, so it’s definitely worth giving it a go.
Good luck with it all, I’ll be thinking of you.
 
Rach72 said:
I’ll keep you on the loop. I’m nervous, I won’t lie. I’ve avoided therapy for years, simply out of fear, because it just feels like an extremely vulnerable position to be in, but now I feel like I don’t have much to lose, and certainly not a lot of pretence to maintain.

I totally understand how you feel, it can be quite daunting, especially if you’ve never had therapy before. But, you’re doing the right thing, as it could turn out to be a blessing for you. Therapy wasn’t that successful for me, but I think that was mostly my own fault because I was always so nervous, I couldn’t wait to get out of the psychiatrist’s office. I hated being psychoanalysed even though she was only trying to help me. I’m my own worst enemy at times.
Therapy does help a lot of people though, so it’s definitely worth giving it a go.
Good luck with it all, I’ll be thinking of you.

I'm sorry to hear that your experience wasn’t that good. I’m usually not a very good friend to myself either. Therapy will be a challenge for me for sure, as I tend to clam up when confronted about personal issues, so I don’t think I’ll be able to open up too fast. In my head, the idea of therapy kind of feels like taking old bandages out of a very bad wound, making it completely bare, just entirely exposed.
 
Cubas said:
I'm sorry to hear that your experience wasn’t that good. I’m usually not a very good friend to myself either. Therapy will be a challenge for me for sure, as I tend to clam up when confronted about personal issues, so I don’t think I’ll be able to open up too fast. In my head, the idea of therapy kind of feels like taking old bandages out of a very bad wound, making it completely bare, just entirely exposed.

Don't worry about opening up to the therapist too fast, take it at your own pace and do what feels comfortable for you. 
Sending you a virtual hug  :)
 
Rach72 said:
Cubas said:
I'm sorry to hear that your experience wasn’t that good. I’m usually not a very good friend to myself either. Therapy will be a challenge for me for sure, as I tend to clam up when confronted about personal issues, so I don’t think I’ll be able to open up too fast. In my head, the idea of therapy kind of feels like taking old bandages out of a very bad wound, making it completely bare, just entirely exposed.

Don't worry about opening up to the therapist too fast, take it at your own pace and do what feels comfortable for you. 
Sending you a virtual hug  :)
Yep, I’ll try to take it easy for the time being.

Sending a virtual hug right back your way! ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
 
So, I went to see the therapist like I said. She seems to be a kind and accessible woman. I did clam up at some moments, but I was able to tell her a lot already, I think, even though it makes me dizzy to consider the sheer amount of difficult things I still have to discuss. But right now I am not exactly embarrassed, I just feel a bit strange. It’s one thing to have these weird and uncomfortable feelings, it’s quite another to voice them to another human being.
 
Cubas said:
So, I went to see the therapist like I said. She seems to be a kind and accessible woman. I did clam up at some moments, but I was able to tell her a lot already, I think, even though it makes me dizzy to consider the sheer amount of difficult things I still have to discuss. But right now I am not exactly embarrassed, I just feel a bit strange. It’s one thing to have these weird and uncomfortable feelings, it’s quite another to voice them to another human being. 

Hey, well done for going to see the therapist, that’s a big step. :) 
It’s not easy to open up to another person, particularly a stranger, about very personal issues. I know it’s really early days, but I hope that it will help you so much. x
 
Rach72 said:
Cubas said:
So, I went to see the therapist like I said. She seems to be a kind and accessible woman. I did clam up at some moments, but I was able to tell her a lot already, I think, even though it makes me dizzy to consider the sheer amount of difficult things I still have to discuss. But right now I am not exactly embarrassed, I just feel a bit strange. It’s one thing to have these weird and uncomfortable feelings, it’s quite another to voice them to another human being. 

Hey, well done for going to see the therapist, that’s a big step. :) 
It’s not easy to open up to another person, particularly a stranger, about very personal issues. I know it’s really early days, but I hope that it will help you so much. x

I hope so too. I think it really depends on how much I am willing to be honest about my feelings, to give up the facade of being okay. Sometimes I think I need this pain I'm in, like that's the only thing that can get me out of this state of caring about the image I project, and get me to really be sincere about who I am and how I feel.

But what about you, how have you been feeling these days? Hopefully better?
 
Cubas said:
I hope so too. I think it really depends on how much I am willing to be honest about my feelings, to give up the facade of being okay. Sometimes I think I need this pain I'm in, like that's the only thing that can get me out of this state of caring about the image I project, and get me to really be sincere about who I am and how I feel.

But what about you, how have you been feeling these days? Hopefully better?

I’ve been ok for a few days, just had the odd moment here and there when I’ve felt a bit on edge. I go dizzy sometimes, that’s the hardest thing for me to deal with, it instantly makes me panic. I had an appointment in town the other day and as I was walking along the street I went dizzy and thought I was going to pass out. That’s what I hate the most, never knowing when it’s going to strike.
 
Rach72 said:
Cubas said:
I hope so too. I think it really depends on how much I am willing to be honest about my feelings, to give up the facade of being okay. Sometimes I think I need this pain I'm in, like that's the only thing that can get me out of this state of caring about the image I project, and get me to really be sincere about who I am and how I feel.

But what about you, how have you been feeling these days? Hopefully better?

I’ve been ok for a few days, just had the odd moment here and there when I’ve felt a bit on edge. I go dizzy sometimes, that’s the hardest thing for me to deal with, it instantly makes me panic. I had an appointment in town the other day and as I was walking along the street I went dizzy and thought I was going to pass out. That’s what I hate the most, never knowing when it’s going to strike.
One of the worst things about anxiety is that it’ll just come out of nowhere when you’re managing to have a reasonably normal day.

But, hey, you're fighting on, that's what matters : D

I have OCD, and one thing that it taught me is that courage is not so much a feeling, but a decision, and now I understand that I've got to make decisions every single day, placing reason above emotion, to be able to live a good life. 

And you're really brave, you know, for telling your story so openly, with so much candour. Being gay myself and fighting feelings of loneliness, fear, and anxiety, I know how hard it can be to talk about these issues. I do not only relate to your situation, I have great respect for your courage too.
 
Cubas said:
One of the worst things about anxiety is that it’ll just come out of nowhere when you’re managing to have a reasonably normal day.

But, hey, you're fighting on, that's what matters : D

I have OCD, and one thing that it taught me is that courage is not so much a feeling, but a decision, and now I understand that I've got to make decisions every single day, placing reason above emotion, to be able to live a good life. 

And you're really brave, you know, for telling your story so openly, with so much candour. Being gay myself and fighting feelings of loneliness, fear, and anxiety, I know how hard it can be to talk about these issues. I do not only relate to your situation, I have great respect for your courage too.

Yeah, anxiety that appears out of the blue, for no apparent reason, is just awful. It’s so hard to explain to other people as they always assume there must be a trigger for it, but often, in my case, there is no specific trigger.
 
As for me being brave, well, I guess it’s easy to be brave when you’re anonymous behind a computer screen. In reality, I’m not brave at all, that’s why I’ve hidden in the closet for so long.
Do me a favour, don’t be like me. You’re still young, you’re already doing the right thing by having therapy. Do whatever it takes to get your anxiety under control and then go out there, meet someone special and have a good life. I really do wish you all the best x
 

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