3 years since last post

It's been 3 years since I made a last post to this thread. 3 years ago I was 20 years old. I am nearly 23 years old and a lot of things has happened. It has been a crazy 3 years and I hope that I will be okay in the future years to come. 

I went to community college and obtain a useless piece of paper which got my credits to go to college, which I failed 80% of my subjects in college, I wasted 2 years of my life, spiralling into deep depression. 

Social life aspects didn't change much as I only made a few peers within my first year of my community college diploma and every one went there own ways. I was still a loner and it was so hard for me to socialise in college. 

I had a few bad insomnia trips and went psychotic and could not sleep well for 2 months, I remember during a peek I only had a few hours of sleep within only 4 days. I have been to psychologists and they were no help to me. 

I had a bad porn run addiction as it was my escape out of loneliness. I got into genital modifications to make up for the fact that I was small down stairs to give me a ego boost, which in the long run did nothing and caused a massive mess, scar tissue and trauma to my genitals. 

I lost my virginity to a escort and had spent thousands seeing 12+ women and visiting message parlours just trying to feel the warmth skin touch and company of women which just left me soul destructing filled with anger and deeper loneliness events. I have herpes and my genitals are all scared from all the infections and cysts.

I finally found a full time job but I can't get along with any one as my interest is far beyond most people and I am a bit weird, but I have managed to save a good half century figure. 

I have goten into the gym and other sports just to suppress my loneliness and give more of a ego boost to go out there and socialise with people but overall it has done nothing, due to injuries I have gone to junk food as it suppress part of my emotions and makes me feel better inside even tho my waist is getting bigger and bigger. 

I don't know how long I can handle living life in the state of mind as I have mentioned 3 years ago I have strong intrusive thoughts and OCD. It still lives in my mind. Those 3 years have messed my mind so much. 

Because of loneliness I just want to feel validated. 

Still no girl friend or any friends.

I am still trying to work on myself. 

Thank you for reading.

You've had some rotten luck and you made some bad choices too. Engaging in dialogs here might help you feel validated....a lot of us on this site are really glad there's an ALL, so you're not alone.