All I ever wanted ...

... was to share my life with an amazing woman who would

- spend every waking moment of every day with me without giving me the obligatory "space" lecture
- talk with me about anything and everything, never checking the time (very important)
- share a bottle of dark red on the beach, and fall asleep under a blanket under the stars
- rough it with me in the wilderness for a few days, away from "civilization"
- see me through all the ups and downs of the roller coaster
- constitute a justification for 9 to 5

And I always knew this, even as a child, and through all those tough years building up a "career". I just wish I had done more to bring about the change I needed.

Instead, I ended up with a bunch of women who just didn't realize what/who they had till they lost it/him.

If I sound a bit dramatic, blame the wine.

I have no idea what "constitute a justification for 9 to 5" means but I understand you on the rest.

Wayfarer said:

I have no idea what "constitute a justification for 9 to 5" means but I understand you on the rest.

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A lot of Americans (and perhaps people the world over) go to work from 9 am to 5 pm (i.e. 9 to 5), then come back home, eat dinner, clean up, go to bed, and wake up just to do that same honeysuckle again the next day, Monday thru Friday. And they're perfectly content with it.

Me, I was never content with that boring as fresia routine. I needed a reason, i.e., a justification for performing that boring routine. And only one thing, ever, would constitute a worthy enough justification for going on living like that - I needed something (someone) to come home to, at 5 pm ... the amazing woman I described. She would give me the reason to go on until 9 am the following morning and repeat that otherwise meaningless routine.

Somnambulist said:

- spend every waking moment of every day with me without giving me the obligatory "space" lecture
- talk with me about anything and everything, never checking the time (very important)

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Those requirements seem a touch grandiose to me, so I will chalk it up to the wine, lol. Even when someone is deeply, passionately, can't-breathe-without-you in love, he/she will still need space away from that person sometimes. That's human nature. Was there a particular event that prompted that 'lecture' in a past relationship?

Somnambulist said:

- share a bottle of dark red on the beach, and fall asleep under a blanket under the stars
- rough it with me in the wilderness for a few days, away from "civilization"
- see me through all the ups and downs of the roller coaster

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I see nothing unreasonable in wanting these things, especially #3 - that should be a given, in my opinion.

Somnambulist said:

- constitute a justification for 9 to 5

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I don't entirely understand this statement. Are you saying that you need to be in a stable relationship in order to keep a steady job?

MissGuided said:

I don't entirely understand this statement. Are you saying that you need to be in a stable relationship in order to keep a steady job?

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Not in order to keep a steady job, but in order to justify keeping it. It's hard to explain, but I'm an idealist. I question why I'm alive, each day. What provides meaning to my life is an important question to me.

And, getting up to go to work the next day doesn't provide any meaning whatsoever to be alive this day.

Hope this makes sense. Most people I've explained this to couldn't understand.

What gives your life meaning ? Is it work ? If so, well, Hallelujah. If not (like for most people), then, you need something else in life to give it meaning. For me, that something else is a companion. Plain and simple.

MissGuided said:

Even when someone is deeply, passionately, can't-breathe-without-you in love, he/she will still need space away from that person sometimes. That's human nature.

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Wrong, that's not human nature. That's Hollywood telling people they need to pretend to be "independent". Human nature says that we're social animals.

If you don't believe me, ask the Neanderthals.

Somnambulist said:

Wrong, that's not human nature. That's Hollywood telling people they need to be "independent". Human nature says that we're social animals.

If you don't believe me, ask the Neanderthals.

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Not a matter of whether I believe you or not. If I were in that situation and I felt I could barely walk into another room for some 'space' without offending the other person, I wouldn't be in that relationship anymore. But, that's just me.

I do hope you find what you are looking for. Good luck.

MissGuided said:

I do hope you find what you are looking for. Good luck.

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I won't, but thanks. I didn't say what I'm looking for is easy to find. I only said this is what I need.

P.S. I'm right next to the Pacific Ocean. I need some sleep. I'll catch you later.

I would agreed with MissGuided on this.

I completely understand and relate to your points, as said before. Don't worry, we aren't *completely* alone in our thinking, albeit our 'personality' for lack of a better word is extremely rare. We've both seen a few threads here of people who seem much the same as well, so try to take comfort and even hope in that, because one of those people may end up being your forever girl. You just never know.

I live in Australia yes, but I come from the UK. I met my husband online on a site very similar to this, and moved here entirely for him. The internet is a great blessing in that respect. Although, even having that huge ocean available it still took years to find him. Believe me, I know how easy it is to say chin up when you yourself have someone and are happy, because I was in the darkest pit before meeting my husband; struggling to get through each minute let alone each day. But, what we need is something incredibly rare but also so wonderful once you do find it, and once you have it you'll realize how worth it the wait was, no matter how hard the struggle. Perhaps work and store away money with faith that one day it can be used for that special person, and that you are simply waiting for her to show up. 

Somnambulist said:

Not in order to keep a steady job, but in order to justify keeping it. It's hard to explain, but I'm an idealist. I question why I'm alive, each day. What provides meaning to my life is an important question to me.

And, getting up to go to work the next day doesn't provide any meaning whatsoever to be alive this day.

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To me, the things that 'provide meaning' are vastly different than my traditional 9-5 job. I go to work each day out of necessity, because I have become attached to things like electricity, food and the occasional pedicure.

My job isn't necessarily 'fulfilling' and doesn't answer the question of life. But, I'm good at it, make a decent salary and it doesn't make me want to strangle my co-workers (mostly).

Maybe you could explore a career that allows you to express yourself, that you would enjoy going to, that gives you some sense of purpose? There's no rule that says you need a 'traditional' job. I believe the career and girl of your dreams quests are really two separate goals. I don't think one should dictate the result of the other.

We're all different, so you just have to find what works....for you.

Somnambulist said:

MissGuided said:

Even when someone is deeply, passionately, can't-breathe-without-you in love, he/she will still need space away from that person sometimes. That's human nature.

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Wrong, that's not human nature. That's Hollywood telling people they need to pretend to be "independent". Human nature says that we're social animals.

If you don't believe me, ask the Neanderthals.

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I also agree with everything MissGuided said. 

But one thing.  It is NOT Hollywood telling people they need to do anything.  Is it Hollywood that makes you annoyed when people do something you don't like (as an example for me...chewing with your mouth open) 
It doesn't matter who you are or how well you mesh, put more than one person together for "every waking moment" and they WILL, at some point, get annoyed by the other person and need some space.  Nothing Hollywood about that, it's, as MissGuided said, human nature.

MissGuided said:

Somnambulist said:

- spend every waking moment of every day with me without giving me the obligatory "space" lecture
- talk with me about anything and everything, never checking the time (very important)

Click to expand...

Those requirements seem a touch grandiose to me, so I will chalk it up to the wine, lol. Even when someone is deeply, passionately, can't-breathe-without-you in love, he/she will still need space away from that person sometimes. That's human nature. Was there a particular event that prompted that 'lecture' in a past relationship?

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I would have to agree with this. Even if you loved and cared about someone, live together, are best friends, maybe have some kids, you just don't spend every waking moment with each other. That's not the real world. It's not realistic, and it's not what happens. I personally don't agree with the whole "I need some space" thing, because to me, that just means either someone's not sure they want a relationship or they don't want to actually be in one and won't tell you. That's just what I personally think. Not saying it's true for everyone who says it.

But you don't spend all your time together. I see nothing wrong with spending time apart, maybe enjoy a book by yourself or a cup of tea by yourself. Quiet time to yourself never really hurt anyone. It's really about minding if someone's there. If you find yourself annoyed with someone's presence, then perhaps it's time to think things over.

Somnambulist said:

MissGuided said:

I don't entirely understand this statement. Are you saying that you need to be in a stable relationship in order to keep a steady job?

Click to expand...

Not in order to keep a steady job, but in order to justify keeping it. It's hard to explain, but I'm an idealist. I question why I'm alive, each day. What provides meaning to my life is an important question to me.

And, getting up to go to work the next day doesn't provide any meaning whatsoever to be alive this day.

Hope this makes sense. Most people I've explained this to couldn't understand.

What gives your life meaning ? Is it work ? If so, well, Hallelujah. If not (like for most people), then, you need something else in life to give it meaning. For me, that something else is a companion. Plain and simple.

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Maybe you can become some type of neo-socialist.  Always seemed like the old soclialists would sit in a cafe, all day long, smoking cheap cigars and drinking coffee *mmm, espresso with a bit of cream and sugar* or wine and discussing class struggle.  Then you can sell your outlook/thoughts/ideas to a media outlet.  That would be cool.

Thanks for the replies, everyone. You've given me a lot of good responses. I was just rambling.

beautiful loser said:

Maybe you can become some type of neo-socialist.  Always seemed like the old soclialists would sit in a cafe, all day long, smoking cheap cigars and drinking coffee *mmm, espresso with a bit of cream and sugar* or wine and discussing class struggle.  Then you can sell your outlook/thoughts/ideas to a media outlet.  That would be cool.

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Hi there, I'm sure we're all on this site for good reasons. And, I'm also sure that we don't intend to hurt each other with careless/callous remarks, although we end up doing so sometimes (I've done it once so far).

So, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and pretend like your comments about me becoming a "neo-socialist" and selling ideas were NOT intended to be hurtful/thoughtless.

Sticking to the facts (not character judgments) about what you said, 1 - I didn't find any of it funny, 2 - It wasn't helpful in any way, and 3 - It was quite hurtful to me and conveyed the message that whatever I said was meaningless/worthless, so as only to be sold to the media.

Cheers.

MissGuided said:

Somnambulist said:

- spend every waking moment of every day with me without giving me the obligatory "space" lecture
- talk with me about anything and everything, never checking the time (very important)

Click to expand...

Those requirements seem a touch grandiose to me, so I will chalk it up to the wine, lol. Even when someone is deeply, passionately, can't-breathe-without-you in love, he/she will still need space away from that person sometimes. That's human nature. Was there a particular event that prompted that 'lecture' in a past relationship?

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If we put the matter of "having space" on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 with high preference of alone time and 10 with less, someone on a degree of 3 and someone on a degree of 7 won't be comfortable with each others. 3 would find relationship suffocating while 7 would find it distant. I should point out that even 1 would interact with the partner because interaction and communication is need for a relationship to work out, and 10 wouldn't be able to realistically spend whole day together with partner without any need to be on his/her own in order to do some personal stuff.

There is no right and wrong in this because it's just a matter of preference. Maybe an extrovert leans more on higher numbers on that scale and would be more satisfied with a large amount of time spend with the other person.

I myself, personally, if am sitting with someone that I care about a lot in the same room, both of us doing our own stuff, whether it be reading a book or using our laptops for instance, I get a heart-warming. But if it consistently continues for too long, I would start questioning on my mind what kind of relationship it is that we both barely talk to each others. There is different degrees that different people would prefer and I hope there is a point of compromise that partners can reach.

About second line, in my opinion we say statements like "I want to share everything in my life with someone" in a simplistic way because we want to spare getting into detail. I don't think there be a one-on-one matching state when it comes to interests and what we enjoy talking about. But again mutual compromises are good. If I love her, I don't see why I won't spend some of my time to explore together what interests her even if I have never tried it out or have never found the activity interesting. I would be even curious to know what new interests she would bring to our life. If there aren't much difference in what we are passionate about, then we would pursue common ones together. However, I don't think too much difference would work out either.

Somnambulist said:

Not in order to keep a steady job, but in order to justify keeping it. It's hard to explain, but I'm an idealist. I question why I'm alive, each day. What provides meaning to my life is an important question to me.

And, getting up to go to work the next day doesn't provide any meaning whatsoever to be alive this day.

Hope this makes sense. Most people I've explained this to couldn't understand.

What gives your life meaning ? Is it work ? If so, well, Hallelujah. If not (like for most people), then, you need something else in life to give it meaning. For me, that something else is a companion. Plain and simple.

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I get your point Somnambulist. We all have our own personal "meaning of life" and goals that keeps us taking on hardships and necessary task of working which is also needed to be done so we can survive and continue living on. Surviving is the reason that obligates it but we may have our personal propelling motivation for it as well. For some of us, our work and greatest desires in life align with each others. For the rest of us, whose desires are not in the area of our career, we accept the obligatory requirement of having the career for money and necessities. But I think it becomes a state of doing our job stoically and rejoicing in the fact that other goals and desires of our life has been fulfilled.

MissGuided said:

I believe the career and girl of your dreams quests are really two separate goals.

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And I agree with MissGuided. It's like, choose and pursue your career because you yourself do want it and if you meet the right woman who matches the other standards you have, the last line would be fulfilled for you automatically. No course of action in changing your career or anything is needed for it. If you are with the person you love, it will be a joy in your life whether you like your job or not.


Somnambulist, I do agree it is hard to explain this particular matter, therefore if there is any misunderstanding it's only because of complicated nature of what we're talking about. Let me know your thoughts on it.

First, I was joking, hence the emoticons. Second, my intent on this forum is to never intentionally hurt anyone's feelings.  If I do so, then I will rightfully apologize.  Lastly, for this one, I'm not going to, because I found parts of the topic absurd.

So, you are opposed to a boring as fresia, same old honeysuckle 9-5 job/routine?  But, if the right person came along you would "settle" for that boring as fresia, same old honeysuckle routine?

I would venture to say that 3/4, or more, of this forum has settled for what you would consider a boring as fresia, same old honeysuckle 9-5 routine that you find so appalling.  Elitist, much??  And guess what, we are doing this boring as fresia job without that person to be a crutch, shoulder to cry on or someone to be there when we need consoling.  Why?  We have bills to pay, kids to watch after and various wants/needs.  Debt doesn't give anyone a break.

Off topic, I may joke around a lot, but that's because I sometimes get tired of the "woe is me" posts.  Sure, that's what this forum is for, and we all have our issues,  but some people on here ***** about the same honeysuckle over and over, then they are given advice, then they say "fresia all" to anything that might work for them.

Now, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say you aren't one of them..you haven't been here long enough.  But, in this case, when I hear something that sounds so out of left field, somewhat demeaning to some, then yeah, I may crack a joke about it.  

And honestly, how can anyone saying anything helpful to such an odd thought...a companion will make you want to settle for a boring as fresia job??  Even with the greatest companion, that boring as fresia, miserable job will always be that way and may even get worse as you go along.  The best person in the world isn't going to take the daily stress away of a shitty job, especially when he/she won't be there when you have to clock in the next day.

P.S. - I would have posted sooner but I was at my boring as fresia, same old honeysuckle job.

I'd love a 9 to 5 job, reason being I work 8 to 5

But seriously, I do feel the standard 40 hour workweek is, well unhealthy to be honest, but sadly 85 percent of employment is in such a job, the majority of the remaining 15 percent is parttime work and only a small percentage is self employed and decide their own hours (full disclosure, i pulled those numbers out of my @$$ to make a simple point, don't look it up )

Other members have already replied about the "space" argument, so eventhough i fully agree with them i'll try to offer a different perspective to the same issue, it's a simple theory, but if your apart from a loved one doesn't that make the time you spend together more precious?
There is also joy in reunion, be it after a work related trip, living far apart and not being able to see eachother on a daily basis or any other long term seperation.

Beautiful Loser, we are told this as children - if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. You're tired of certain posts, are you? Then click the back button and forget about said thread. What you have to say helps nothing and no one.

I don't think anybody ever stopped to notice that Somnanbulist was never actually asking for advice nor help. He appeared to be simply sharing some feelings possibly hoping for some understanding from those that do relate to him. If you don't, it's probably best to move along. Use your world view to help those that are like yourself, otherwise explain your position politely or just leave.

You could say I'm quite a remarkable case in that I'm a very clingy person to my husband and he is equally so. And, contrary to what some have dictated as fact so far here, we do NOT get tired of being together unless a significant argument has occurred (even then, we miss and worry about one another). Otherwise no, I don't feel a want (or a need) to read a book by myself or anything in fact. I'm really not fussed whether some strangers on the internet accept that or not, but what I do want to stress is that if you disagree with someone, it's important to express so politely because you may be talking to someone who is on the edge because of their loneliness on certain issues. How many people have killed themselves because they felt so misunderstood and/or alone in life? We can't know because those people aren't with us anymore. What we can do is consider it and perhaps re-evaluate ourselves for the benefit of those we interact with in future. You never do know what the "last straw" was in peoples lives who decided their own fate. It could well have been something needlessly said by someone who crossed their path.

You, Beautiful Loser, admitted to entering this thread just because you saw it as absurd. That is needless and I'd say you rethink that argument of an apology.