Is withdrawing from social stuff actually easier?

[font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]Can't really make friends because of my emotional baggage: [/font]
[font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]I don't really have any friends and with the friends I thought I had made I've realised they never really were friends and in fact I never really liked them at all. My issue that I think I 've always had is clinging onto a certain type of people and trying to befriend them because I know they're nice and they won't reject me. But in reality I don't like them at all, don't have fun with them or care about them. So basically they're not my friends. [/font][font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]I act a certan way around them and mirror their behaviour[/font][font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif] and sometimes even act like I'm interested in things I'm not interested in. [/font]
[font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]I always leave these people that I befriend with a bad impression of me because eventually I stop contacting them and act like they don't exist and then they see the real me, realise I was lying and really end up hating me. As per the usual I end up feeling shite about myself and think there's something wrong with me. [/font]
[font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]Maybe if I had been acting like my true self in the beginning then people wouldn't have ended up hurt. But the thing is, is that I don't think I will make friends with the kinds of people I vibe with. They tend to already have friends and I think they'll think I'm a loser. What to do, what to do? Can anyone relate? It's quite the dilemma but I 've been dealing with it for a while now so I'm kinda used to it. I want to fix it now![/font]

Saddo said:

[font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]Can't really make friends because of my emotional baggage: [/font]
[font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]I don't really have any friends and with the friends I thought I had made I've realised they never really were friends and in fact I never really liked them at all. My issue that I think I 've always had is clinging onto a certain type of people and trying to befriend them because I know they're nice and they won't reject me. But in reality I don't like them at all, don't have fun with them or care about them. So basically they're not my friends. [/font][font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]I act a certan way around them and mirror their behaviour[/font][font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif] and sometimes even act like I'm interested in things I'm not interested in. [/font]
[font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]I always leave these people that I befriend with a bad impression of me because eventually I stop contacting them and act like they don't exist and then they see the real me, realise I was lying and really end up hating me. As per the usual I end up feeling shite about myself and think there's something wrong with me. [/font]
[font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]Maybe if I had been acting like my true self in the beginning then people wouldn't have ended up hurt. But the thing is, is that I don't think I will make friends with the kinds of people I vibe with. They tend to already have friends and I think they'll think I'm a loser. What to do, what to do? Can anyone relate? It's quite the dilemma but I 've been dealing with it for a while now so I'm kinda used to it. I want to fix it now![/font]

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Where does this come from? Has someone you vibed with, as you put it, told you that they couldn't be friends because they already have friends or because they think you're a loser? I'm guessing not.
Your solution is within yourself. I could give a bunch of tips on making friends and just say "be yourself" but you'll have an easier time of it when you figure out why you have these thoughts about potential friends and start to think differently about yourself.

Well I guess I don't try to befriend people I actually like cause I'm afraid of what they'll think of me. No one has ever said they think I'm a loser but no one really seems to want to hang out with me. 
I always befriend people who are really nice and who seem lonely even though I don't like them. I guess I don't really show up to college enough to meet people either to be honest. One girl I did vibe with is no longer in my year anymore because I failed that year and have to repeat it so it's really annoying cause I don't see her anymore.
It's difficult because I know I would have a good social life now if I had made friends when I was younger. It's really hard trying to make your own group of friends when everyone seems to already have a good group of friends.

Saddo said:

[font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]Can't really make friends because of my emotional baggage: [/font]
[font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]I don't really have any friends and with the friends I thought I had made I've realised they never really were friends and in fact I never really liked them at all. My issue that I think I 've always had is clinging onto a certain type of people and trying to befriend them because I know they're nice and they won't reject me. But in reality I don't like them at all, don't have fun with them or care about them. So basically they're not my friends. [/font][font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif]I act a certan way around them and mirror their behaviour[/font][font=Calibri, Tahoma, Geneva, sans-serif] and sometimes even act like I'm interested in things I'm not interested in. [/font]

Click to expand...

 I am totally the same way.  I am a very friendly and kind person and if your nice to me, I will be nice to you. But then somehow they see this as friendship and then I am kind of trapped in this friendship that I never really asked for.  Then I accept their friendship and do stuff for them and then they betray me? I don't choose friends, they choose me and then I go along with it. 
I don't know what the answer is. Recently I withdrew from all these people. I became completely isolated and do you know where that left me... completely isolated. No one shead a tear I was gone.  I feel like now the best I can hope for is "friends" that I don't like and probably will betray me.

I've often found that I find friends when I'm not really looking for them; suddenly there's just these people that I click with and we start hanging out a lot. It can be someone I've recently met, or someone I've been acquainted with for years without really knowing them.

However, I also often find that those friends sooner or later turn on you, lose interest in you for someone better or just ghosts on you, and that hurts like hell. So all in all, I'd say it's easier to just withdraw from social stuff. (Though that is probably not the "right" answer. Having friends is awesome, if they're good ones.)

Saddo, it sounds like you've been choosing to act on a social formula that puts you in a comfort zone....but it's not a rewarding or satisfying arrangement that seems to end in failure.

Then there's the people you'd like to "vibe with" whom you think that they'll think that you're "a loser". You're in kind of a tough spot aren't you? Keep on doing what you're doing, going from one bad set of relationships and behaviors patterns after another or take a big risk and approach the people you want to vibe with.

Take the risk Saddo.

While I can't offer much other than the well written advice above. Maybe sometimes we feel a need to be accepted by those perceived to be our peers. Be self reliant, try to achieve worthwhile goals and you may win respect.

I can't promise friends, but do these people really live up to your exacting expectations anyway?

Sounds like TC (and the rest of the world) is an insecure narcissist. This is what happens when you stuff your head with virtual illusions.

Withdrawing from social stuff can sometimes make things easier if you can handle shutting everything down.

I know when it comes to stressful stuff this works. For example, right now with politics I have become very stressed so the medicine is to shut out all news stations, most internet message boards, and people in general. At work, i wear headphones and pump in industrial music to block out everyone's voices.

When it comes to shutting out all social for loneliness issues, it can also be done. Someone I went to college with did that. He moved back in with his parents and pretty much never leaves the house or communicates to people online. Other than his job (which is a family business), he just avoids everyone. he found that to be his solution.

It's probably easier, won't necessarily make life less painful though...

Hey Saddo,

You've already stated the best answer to your problem, you need to stop pretending to be someone else, and i know thats easier said then done! You are making friends with people you have nothing in common with and as you say yourself don't vibe with. You don't have to change who you are to make friends, as with everything in life you can choose to keepplaying it safe, or go for broke and in the process riskgetting hurt.

Just don't let a failure keep you down!