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alwaysanon

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I cannot believe that next week will be my 25th birthday and the only person I have to spend it with are my fiancee and my mom.  I have never had a friend and at this point I have no idea how to go about making friends.  It is a foreign concept to me.  I am always friendly to everyone...especially when I was in college.  Every semester in college went the same- 1st day of school mostly no one knew each other in any of my classes but by week 3 it seemed everyone had an "unassigned assigned" seat near people they'd befriended.  I don't know how any of this happened because during class everyone was quiet and listening to the professor.  I never saw people chatting, so I have no clue how I just faded into the background.  At first I was looking to make close friends but near the end of college I just wanted situational friends, just someone to talk to.  But I couldn't even do that despite me trying to talk to people.  I literally had no one to sit with at graduation, which sucked.  And now I have no one to ask to be part of my bridal party- not only do I not have friends but I don't have siblings or cousins- life is ridiculously lonely.

I finished grad school back in May and have been working at my job for 6 months, unfortunately it is not the type of job that gives me access to co-workers, just clients who it would be unethical to befriend.  My fiancee and I have been together for 4 years (just celebrated our anniversary) and he has a solid group of 5 guy friends that he's known since forever and he is not looking for new friends.  He is okay with not being super social, he's a homebody. There is a 15 year age difference between us, so it's not like I have anything in common with his friends.  I have tried hanging out with them a few times and it's always just awkward because we literally have no common interests besides knowing my fiancee.

I belong to 2 fitness clubs and I always sign up for random events like cooking classes, hiking groups, etc. but it's like no one is interested in talking to me. I can't figure out why.

I don't want to go into married life without a support network.  I know these things take time to build and it honestly feels like it's too late for me.  My fiancee and I do want to start a family soon after we get married and I just don't see that being a good idea without a solid support network. 

How can I make some friends at this point in my life?
 
There's no easy fix, so I don't mean the following advice to come off as condescending or anything. Maybe you've tried this already.

But have you tried being more forward? Invite people to your home? Take initiative for something instead of just attending events others where others set the stage for how social or reserved people are supposed to be

Lower your standards? Maybe the people you try to befriend are all "interesting, cool and busy". Give gray/uninteresting people a chance. They will appreciate your advances more, and may be quite nice to hang around once you get to know them.

Also I personally think the chat room in here is quite nice. You should give it a try if just talking to people online would be of any interest to you.
 
OldYoung has some good points. I'd also suggest meetups, that way you can find a group of people that have similar interests. Most of the work is done for you with Meetups, you just have to go and meet people.
 
alwaysanon said:
I cannot believe that next week will be my 25th birthday and the only person I have to spend it with are my fiancee and my mom.  I have never had a friend and at this point I have no idea how to go about making friends.  It is a foreign concept to me.  I am always friendly to everyone...especially when I was in college.  Every semester in college went the same- 1st day of school mostly no one knew each other in any of my classes but by week 3 it seemed everyone had an "unassigned assigned" seat near people they'd befriended.  I don't know how any of this happened because during class everyone was quiet and listening to the professor.  I never saw people chatting, so I have no clue how I just faded into the background.  At first I was looking to make close friends but near the end of college I just wanted situational friends, just someone to talk to.  But I couldn't even do that despite me trying to talk to people.  I literally had no one to sit with at graduation, which sucked.  And now I have no one to ask to be part of my bridal party- not only do I not have friends but I don't have siblings or cousins- life is ridiculously lonely.

I finished grad school back in May and have been working at my job for 6 months, unfortunately it is not the type of job that gives me access to co-workers, just clients who it would be unethical to befriend.  My fiancee and I have been together for 4 years (just celebrated our anniversary) and he has a solid group of 5 guy friends that he's known since forever and he is not looking for new friends.  He is okay with not being super social, he's a homebody. There is a 15 year age difference between us, so it's not like I have anything in common with his friends.  I have tried hanging out with them a few times and it's always just awkward because we literally have no common interests besides knowing my fiancee.

I belong to 2 fitness clubs and I always sign up for random events like cooking classes, hiking groups, etc. but it's like no one is interested in talking to me. I can't figure out why.

I don't want to go into married life without a support network.  I know these things take time to build and it honestly feels like it's too late for me.  My fiancee and I do want to start a family soon after we get married and I just don't see that being a good idea without a solid support network. 

How can I make some friends at this point in my life?
Whooa, I had to stop reading after you said my finance. Hello??? That is a great start. And a step in the right direction. Better than most
 
Restless soul said:
Whooa, I had to stop reading after you said. Means my finance. Hello??? That is a great start. And a step in the right direction. Better than most

Um, yeah, a fiance isn't the type of support network the OP is looking for.  That is totally different.  Friends are completely separate from family and spouses.
You can't just adopt the fiance's friends either, because those are HIS/HER friends and people need friends of their own to go out and do things with. 
So this isn't a matter of "you have more than most."  EVERYONE has their own problems, just because someone has a fiance doesn't mean they are better off than the next person.
 
I was being a bit tounge and cheek. But if the guy is able to have a healthy relationship to have a finance, then the chances of making a friend or two should be within in reach. So I wish him luck. All I can do
 
TheRealCallie said:
OldYoung has some good points.  I'd also suggest meetups, that way you can find a group of people that have similar interests.  Most of the work is done for you with Meetups, you just have to go and meet people.

I have tried 3 different Meet-ups in my area and I didn't like the experience because people brought their friends and just talked to them. I thought the point was to meet new people? It was very disappointing. Idk if anyone else has experienced this.
 
Paraiyar said:
I'm the opposite in that I have friends but can't seem to get a partner.

I've never had trouble finding a romantic partner, but have never been able to make a friend. Either situation is sub-optimal.
 
Restless soul said:
alwaysanon said:
I cannot believe that next week will be my 25th birthday and the only person I have to spend it with are my fiancee and my mom.  I have never had a friend and at this point I have no idea how to go about making friends.  It is a foreign concept to me.  I am always friendly to everyone...especially when I was in college.  Every semester in college went the same- 1st day of school mostly no one knew each other in any of my classes but by week 3 it seemed everyone had an "unassigned assigned" seat near people they'd befriended.  I don't know how any of this happened because during class everyone was quiet and listening to the professor.  I never saw people chatting, so I have no clue how I just faded into the background.  At first I was looking to make close friends but near the end of college I just wanted situational friends, just someone to talk to.  But I couldn't even do that despite me trying to talk to people.  I literally had no one to sit with at graduation, which sucked.  And now I have no one to ask to be part of my bridal party- not only do I not have friends but I don't have siblings or cousins- life is ridiculously lonely.

I finished grad school back in May and have been working at my job for 6 months, unfortunately it is not the type of job that gives me access to co-workers, just clients who it would be unethical to befriend.  My fiancee and I have been together for 4 years (just celebrated our anniversary) and he has a solid group of 5 guy friends that he's known since forever and he is not looking for new friends.  He is okay with not being super social, he's a homebody. There is a 15 year age difference between us, so it's not like I have anything in common with his friends.  I have tried hanging out with them a few times and it's always just awkward because we literally have no common interests besides knowing my fiancee.

I belong to 2 fitness clubs and I always sign up for random events like cooking classes, hiking groups, etc. but it's like no one is interested in talking to me. I can't figure out why.

I don't want to go into married life without a support network.  I know these things take time to build and it honestly feels like it's too late for me.  My fiancee and I do want to start a family soon after we get married and I just don't see that being a good idea without a solid support network. 

How can I make some friends at this point in my life?
Whooa, I had to stop reading after you said my finance. Hello??? That is a great start. And a step in the right direction. Better than most
Having a fiancee has nothing to do with having friends of my own.  That's very insensitive to say that I'm "better off than most."
 
Restless soul said:
I was being a bit tounge and cheek. But if the guy is able to have a healthy relationship to have a finance, then the chances of making a friend or two should be within in reach. So I wish him luck. All I can do

For the record, I'm a girl, not a guy.
 
If have a situation. There is this guy i just meet and i have the impression that he understands me too well like he's in my head, he has the same values as me. The problem is i don't find him attrative. I know that when you like someone it's something you overcome cause love make you see beauty where you havin't look before but im worried that im starting to be superficial. Ive always said that the exterieur didint count but perhaps im wrong. Because of that i don't want to see him scared that i might disapoint him. Im scared that i won't feel anything and might mislead him but it's only the first time we see each other. Im not in any hurry so taking im my time. Im very conflictated at the moment, im not sure what to think.
 
@van0994,

Attraction comes in many forms, physical attraction is important, people call it being superficial, but that doesn't change the fact, your either attracted to him/her or not.

However, it is also something that changes what you find attractive now might not be what you find attractive a year from now, if youlike this person then meet up with him, just be clear that it's not a date if you don't want it to be.

Success!
 

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