im giving up....again

As I stated in my previous threads I am dealing with a very toxic family. I have been thru hell and back with them. I been dealing with depression,  and anxiety. I recently text a cousin of mine my feelings and how i feel about her and the family and the message was punchy because it was expression but it was not nasty or disrespectful and i had good things to say but also the truth. She got everyone involved in a group message and hell broke lose. Afterwards, I felt like honeysuckle... my brother said some hurtful things and made me feel small. I got over it, and thought i was okay, and back to "normal". I been working 13 hours a day, 7 days a week ... this overtime pay is really nice. I have anxious thoughts at work but i keep working so that i can save a big  amount of money before relocating.

Things was going mellow up until yesterday, when I got off work, I come home (moms house) and my brother was there, he was cool and nice for a little while until my mom told him that i had a new job, and he saw my college package from a college in NYC. He brought up my childhood and how I have never had any friends, he asked me why am I buying new clothes for and asked me why do I want to be pretty? He told me thatiI wasn't being myself because all of sudden I'm working and want to be "somebody". He repeatedly ask me... Who is going to love you? By this time my siser and he friend walk in and they are just looking and he compared me to her and said how I will never be anything like her, and that made her feel good cause she looked at me and grinned.

I just didn't say nothing. I sat there defenseless and believed it. I waS numb and embarrassed and this is far from the first time he done this. I got this done to me my whole life. I feel like this is a sign telling me to stop working and stop thinking about my future... No point of making friends or living my life or feeling good. Who will like me with all of this?

What the actual? You had some serious bad luck with where you happened to drop into the world X_X This is going to sound harsh, but leave them all behind. I bet you're great at your work, and no matter what life is going to be unfair, which is really irritating and wrong. Maybe your brother is just jealous. He seems to be really bad at being nice at the very least. Had it been me, I'd have been so mad with him. I hope you have other, nice people in your life! And how on earth could the other two that arrived just blatantly ignore what was going on? I truly hope you can get away from that pesky place. Or that the bad people do.
If I offend you by talking like this about your relatives, please pardon me, I just got pissed by them having the guts to act like that. I think you're a good person, solely based on the fact that you were not the one saying that to someone else. I want it all to be fixed so that you can feel better! I wish I could share some energy, say something to help. You rock, always remember that!

There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling right now, it's very appropriate to how the situation is being handled by your family.

I've been in a similar situation myself, except that due to the enocomic crisis in my country I can't find work right now to be able to reach my dreams, so I depend on those who never treat me nicely. What I want is to go to the US, get out of this country and search for a better way to go to college/better opportunities... That means I would need a great amount of money to get things in order, wich is something I know for a fact that in this particular moment I could ask for and if my parents were a little bit understanding or thoughtful they would help me with... unfortunately, due to selfish reasons one is filling the other's head, saying it's always a waste of money to help me out or "invest" on me. That I also wouldn't be able to do anything for myself and that I should stay and help them through their stuff...
My whole life was basically put on hold to help my family, many times. Twice because of health issues of family members I stopped going to school (once high school, once college) and had to be home to basically work as a full time nurse.
My dream is still something I want to achieve, something I'm going to work for and without their help it'll probably take a few years... but I still need to try. The thought of living on my own/away from my family makes me want to go even more, because I know that here I'll always be put in last place and my needs are never fulfilled. My parents say really bad things to me, and although I have a brother that is more understanding he lives far away and have his own life, so he's not around as much to be of help.
Even my doctor told me that I could call my family out to talk to him and have a "family meeting" so everything could be put on the table (he's not a therapist, that's why it's really sweet that he offered that), but being afraid of what my family would talk about me or how they would react to the whole situation made me realize that I could never bring them there...

You'll be better off, don't give up. You'll find a lot of mean people on this earth, but not being your family anything they can say to you would hurt a lot less... and you can also find a lot of good people, that'll help you see the good in yourself. You seem like you're doing everything you can to be able to relocate and start your own life, continue doing that, rise above all of those mean things and prove, not to them, but to yourself that you're worth it. That you deserve to be happy.

I hope everything turns out better, I know how painful that situation can be, specially coming from people who are "supposed" to love you.

DON'T LET THEM GET YOU DOWN!!!

I had a family member that told me that I would be depressed and miserable all of my life; no one will like me; I can never be happy etc. I realize now that she is toxic and trying to push me down to make herself feel better. I recently cut her out and I'm doing so much better. My life is not perfect but it's 100x better without her in it!!!

Your family are idiots and you need to live on your own. They will continue to rip away your self esteem and ruin everything for you. They want to see you fail from the sounds of it. Even though it's scary to be alone and away from family (especially when you have no one else); it will be much better to be independent. You have one life to live and you don't need to hang around nasty toxic individuals that rip you apart.

It is sick that they ripped you apart in front your sis and she's a nasty piece of work for smiling too. If I had overheard that conversation I would have told them off! It's NOT the truth and they're just being nasty, nasty people! I am offended for you!

You are worth soooo much more and you can succeed!! (hugs) Please keep us updated of your journey to success and positivity!!!