TheAnxiousPain
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- Joined
- Oct 10, 2016
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As I stated in my previous threads I am dealing with a very toxic family. I have been thru hell and back with them. I been dealing with depression, and anxiety. I recently text a cousin of mine my feelings and how i feel about her and the family and the message was punchy because it was expression but it was not nasty or disrespectful and i had good things to say but also the truth. She got everyone involved in a group message and hell broke lose. Afterwards, I felt like honeysuckle... my brother said some hurtful things and made me feel small. I got over it, and thought i was okay, and back to "normal". I been working 13 hours a day, 7 days a week ... this overtime pay is really nice. I have anxious thoughts at work but i keep working so that i can save a big amount of money before relocating.
Things was going mellow up until yesterday, when I got off work, I come home (moms house) and my brother was there, he was cool and nice for a little while until my mom told him that i had a new job, and he saw my college package from a college in NYC. He brought up my childhood and how I have never had any friends, he asked me why am I buying new clothes for and asked me why do I want to be pretty? He told me thatiI wasn't being myself because all of sudden I'm working and want to be "somebody". He repeatedly ask me... Who is going to love you? By this time my siser and he friend walk in and they are just looking and he compared me to her and said how I will never be anything like her, and that made her feel good cause she looked at me and grinned.
I just didn't say nothing. I sat there defenseless and believed it. I waS numb and embarrassed and this is far from the first time he done this. I got this done to me my whole life. I feel like this is a sign telling me to stop working and stop thinking about my future... No point of making friends or living my life or feeling good. Who will like me with all of this?
Things was going mellow up until yesterday, when I got off work, I come home (moms house) and my brother was there, he was cool and nice for a little while until my mom told him that i had a new job, and he saw my college package from a college in NYC. He brought up my childhood and how I have never had any friends, he asked me why am I buying new clothes for and asked me why do I want to be pretty? He told me thatiI wasn't being myself because all of sudden I'm working and want to be "somebody". He repeatedly ask me... Who is going to love you? By this time my siser and he friend walk in and they are just looking and he compared me to her and said how I will never be anything like her, and that made her feel good cause she looked at me and grinned.
I just didn't say nothing. I sat there defenseless and believed it. I waS numb and embarrassed and this is far from the first time he done this. I got this done to me my whole life. I feel like this is a sign telling me to stop working and stop thinking about my future... No point of making friends or living my life or feeling good. Who will like me with all of this?