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Being told I look like somone else seems to upset me
#11
(10-29-2016, 12:52 AM)Restless soul Wrote: So I have had this issue for some time. I am a guy if you do not know. I created and and replied in many threads.

So my Issue is and as I think it definitely relates to poor self -esteem. and poor self image. Is that whenever someone would say you look like so and so. Be it someone famous. And recently a friend. An immediate sense of dread would come over me. I start to not feel like myself.  I start questioning my looks. If someone says I look like someone I
Never heard of I would be affraid to look them up in the chance they are ugly or I wouldn't think they look anything like me . People even have told me I am a good looking guy. And I look younger than I do. And positive things like that.
But as soon as I hear I look like someone I don't think I look remotely like. I throws me into some takespin. I just would rather not hear it ever. I used to hate hearing I looked like my brothers but this is more logical to me and one brother is even comsidered handsome. So that is not as odd. I am wondering if anyone else has similar issues. Any experts or someone with some insight into what would cause this intense reaction each time I get this

Thanks.

I can relate. I've had exactly the same experience. I am often compared to one particular actor (whom I can't stand), and have been compared to some singer from the 50s. I look like neither, of course.

My analysis of what happens to us when we hear such a remark is - we lose our sense of identity and originality. It's like telling you you don't exist ... your only purpose for being here is to mirror someone else out there. In other words, when people see you, they see that celebrity or whoever, they don't see you. Does that sound familiar ... not being seen ? It's similar to going to a party and being the wallflower.

And, if you're already lonely and yearning for connection, it sure doesn't help.

I'm right with you, Restless Soul. You're not nuts.
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#12
I used to get told that I looked like one of my brothers

NOW I can some times see my Dad when I look in the mirror
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#13
Yes - that is more normal and common. And also
Used to bother be when compared to one of my brothers. But
Not as much as being compared to others
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#14
(11-02-2016, 06:24 AM)Somnambulist Wrote:
(10-29-2016, 12:52 AM)Restless soul Wrote: So I have had this issue for some time. I am a guy if you do not know. I created and and replied in many threads.

So my Issue is and as I think it definitely relates to poor self -esteem. and poor self image. Is that whenever someone would say you look like so and so. Be it someone famous. And recently a friend. An immediate sense of dread would come over me. I start to not feel like myself.  I start questioning my looks. If someone says I look like someone I
Never heard of I would be affraid to look them up in the chance they are ugly or I wouldn't think they look anything like me . People even have told me I am a good looking guy. And I look younger than I do. And positive things like that.
But as soon as I hear I look like someone I don't think I look remotely like. I throws me into some takespin. I just would rather not hear it ever. I used to hate hearing I looked like my brothers but this is more logical to me and one brother is even comsidered handsome. So that is not as odd. I am wondering if anyone else has similar issues. Any experts or someone with some insight into what would cause this intense reaction each time I get this

Thanks.

I can relate. I've had exactly the same experience. I am often compared to one particular actor (whom I can't stand), and have been compared to some singer from the 50s. I look like neither, of course.

My analysis of what happens to us when we hear such a remark is - we lose our sense of identity and originality. It's like telling you you don't exist ... your only purpose for being here is to mirror someone else out there. In other words, when people see you, they see that celebrity or whoever, they don't see you. Does that sound familiar ... not being seen ? It's similar to going to a party and being the wallflower.

And, if you're already lonely and yearning for connection, it sure doesn't help.

I'm right with you, Restless Soul. You're not nuts.
Yes, exactly. Does it get you down or depressed? Do you ask others that thought you dont look like him to get reassured? To balance out the ones who think you look like him? Curious how you deal. And literally just before i typed this some guy mistook me for someone else. Someone he knows. A bit annoying
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#15
(11-02-2016, 11:00 AM)Restless soul Wrote:
(11-02-2016, 06:24 AM)Somnambulist Wrote:
(10-29-2016, 12:52 AM)Restless soul Wrote: So I have had this issue for some time. I am a guy if you do not know. I created and and replied in many threads.

So my Issue is and as I think it definitely relates to poor self -esteem. and poor self image. Is that whenever someone would say you look like so and so. Be it someone famous. And recently a friend. An immediate sense of dread would come over me. I start to not feel like myself.  I start questioning my looks. If someone says I look like someone I
Never heard of I would be affraid to look them up in the chance they are ugly or I wouldn't think they look anything like me . People even have told me I am a good looking guy. And I look younger than I do. And positive things like that.
But as soon as I hear I look like someone I don't think I look remotely like. I throws me into some takespin. I just would rather not hear it ever. I used to hate hearing I looked like my brothers but this is more logical to me and one brother is even comsidered handsome. So that is not as odd. I am wondering if anyone else has similar issues. Any experts or someone with some insight into what would cause this intense reaction each time I get this

Thanks.

I can relate. I've had exactly the same experience. I am often compared to one particular actor (whom I can't stand), and have been compared to some singer from the 50s. I look like neither, of course.

My analysis of what happens to us when we hear such a remark is - we lose our sense of identity and originality. It's like telling you you don't exist ... your only purpose for being here is to mirror someone else out there. In other words, when people see you, they see that celebrity or whoever, they don't see you. Does that sound familiar ... not being seen ? It's similar to going to a party and being the wallflower.

And, if you're already lonely and yearning for connection, it sure doesn't help.

I'm right with you, Restless Soul. You're not nuts.
Yes, exactly. Does it get you down or depressed? Do you ask others that thought you dont look like him to get reassured? To balance out the ones who think you look like him? Curious how you deal. And literally just before i typed this some guy mistook me for someone else. Someone he knows. A bit annoying

Yes, it does hurt, when the person I'm compared to is not very good looking in my opinion. No, I don't bother asking others, for fear that they might say, "Welllllllll, yeah you do look like him !".

I deal with it the same way I deal with all the hurt this world throws at me - I swallow it, I internalize it and wait for the day when all I've swallowed will cause me to explode.

However, now on the other side of the coin, I have also told people (mostly women I liked) that they look like others. I told one hot redhead that she reminded me of Jessica Chastain. And, it was with good intentions, of course (it was also what I perceived to be somewhat true). So, that might give you comfort - knowing that the person telling you you look like XYZ is actually complimenting you. Or not.
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#16
It seems around here a lot of people feel they are not attractive and it seems they feel it might effect them as far as being successful in life
If you take a look to Hollywood. .. there are some very successful actors or actresses that are far from being models
I have yet to see any person share a picture of themselves that I would consider unattractive
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#17
(11-02-2016, 11:26 AM)Somnambulist Wrote:
(11-02-2016, 11:00 AM)Restless soul Wrote:
(11-02-2016, 06:24 AM)Somnambulist Wrote:
(10-29-2016, 12:52 AM)Restless soul Wrote: So I have had this issue for some time. I am a guy if you do not know. I created and and replied in many threads.

So my Issue is and as I think it definitely relates to poor self -esteem. and poor self image. Is that whenever someone would say you look like so and so. Be it someone famous. And recently a friend. An immediate sense of dread would come over me. I start to not feel like myself.  I start questioning my looks. If someone says I look like someone I
Never heard of I would be affraid to look them up in the chance they are ugly or I wouldn't think they look anything like me . People even have told me I am a good looking guy. And I look younger than I do. And positive things like that.
But as soon as I hear I look like someone I don't think I look remotely like. I throws me into some takespin. I just would rather not hear it ever. I used to hate hearing I looked like my brothers but this is more logical to me and one brother is even comsidered handsome. So that is not as odd. I am wondering if anyone else has similar issues. Any experts or someone with some insight into what would cause this intense reaction each time I get this

Thanks.

I can relate. I've had exactly the same experience. I am often compared to one particular actor (whom I can't stand), and have been compared to some singer from the 50s. I look like neither, of course.

My analysis of what happens to us when we hear such a remark is - we lose our sense of identity and originality. It's like telling you you don't exist ... your only purpose for being here is to mirror someone else out there. In other words, when people see you, they see that celebrity or whoever, they don't see you. Does that sound familiar ... not being seen ? It's similar to going to a party and being the wallflower.

And, if you're already lonely and yearning for connection, it sure doesn't help.

I'm right with you, Restless Soul. You're not nuts.
Yes, exactly. Does it get you down or depressed? Do you ask others that thought you dont look like him to get reassured? To balance out the ones who think you look like him? Curious how you deal. And literally just before i typed this some guy mistook me for someone else. Someone he knows. A bit annoying

Yes, it does hurt, when the person I'm compared to is not very good looking in my opinion. No, I don't bother asking others, for fear that they might say, "Welllllllll, yeah you do look like him !".

I deal with it the same way I deal with all the hurt this world throws at me - I swallow it, I internalize it and wait for the day when all I've swallowed will cause me to explode.

However, now on the other side of the coin, I have also told people (mostly women I liked) that they look like others. I told one hot redhead that she reminded me of Jessica Chastain. And, it was with good intentions, of course (it was also what I perceived to be somewhat true). So, that might give you comfort - knowing that the person telling you you look like XYZ is actually complimenting you. Or not.
Thanks for your reply. I am so fragile with my self- image. And senstive. So even like earlier tonight when someone mistakes me for soemone I have not even seen my mind goes all over wondering what he might look like. And ssince I know how I react I would not tell someone aa girl or guy that they resemble ssomeone famous unless I really knew that the rest of the population really considerd that person attractive. And even then I might not tell them.  

What does this type of problem I have sound like to you? And how to get over it?
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#18
(11-02-2016, 11:38 AM)Restless soul Wrote: Thanks for your reply. I am so fragile with my self- image. And senstive. So even like earlier tonight when someone mistakes me for soemone I have not even seen my mind goes all over wondering what he might look like. And ssince I know how I react I would not tell someone aa girl or guy that they resemble ssomeone famous unless I really knew that the rest of the population really considerd that person attractive. And even then I might not tell them.  

What does this type of problem I have sound like to you? And how to get over it?

Well, I think it's just an insecurity about your looks. This world dictates what one must have in order to be considered "successful". Then, the public swallows and takes that message to heart, and expects everyone to conform to those standards. How can one not be insecure ? By not buying into what society expects of us.

Is it realistic for everyone in the world to be a model ? Is it even important ? Imagine you go to Times Square and it looks like a friggin Miss Universe (or Mr. Universe) show. If it's not realistic, it must be bull$#!t.

This is kind of a contradiction in what I'm saying. but one thing that has helped me TREMENDOUSLY with self-image is bodybuilding/weightlifting ... the benefits of which far transcend "looking good for the women". I told myself that I was going to get big and muscular, and I worked hard at it, and saw great results. It was just my way of building confidence in my physical self. Of course, it also helped me with anxiety, depression, insomnia, etc, etc, etc.

It's not necessary that you do the same, but it can help a lot of insecure men. The more important thing, I think, is to ignore the powerful propaganda thrown at us everywhere.
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#19
I am sure I can benefit from bodybuilding, since I am very slim. Not skinny but slim. A bit of muscle can't hurt. I Don't think it is a cure for the particular issue here. Again, I don't think I am not bad looking. Just way to self consious if my looks. You can think you are ok looking but still be self-conscious and let any comment someone says get to to you. Good bad and indifferent. The proof of that is, you can literally have a girl or guy say you are nice looking, but the minute someone says, you look like ot remind me of such and such. The postive goes out the window. Almost like you or someone said. Identity is lost. You think you don't  look like you anymore. I know. Sounds very sick.

I had severe acne for example up until my 20s. Still have it a bit. I am sure that plays a big part. I know it does
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#20
That really pisses me off. To be honest, any comments on my looks piss me off because I wish people would stop focusing on my looks. I've been told I'm ugly all of my life; now I'm being told I look tired almost everyday; and when people tell me I look like someone...I pretend I don't know because I'm hoping they'll drop it. Then they repeat and emphasize etc about how much I look like that person. It's like...f!!! DROP IT!

As if some of us aren't vulnerable enough with our self-image. I imagine that they do it to start a conversation but even "outcasts" such as myself wouldn't compare a person's looks to someone else in case they could get offended (e.g. they think that comparison is bad). You'd think these "regular" folks would know that.

I TOTALLY understand you. I just people would stop yapping on about looks and start seeing us for who we are.
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