Triggered by coworkers bragging about ghosting people...lots of triggers...

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IceCastles

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I've been triggered for the past while because my coworkers have been talking casually about ghosting certain "friends". They are more than glad to tell me why but IMO the reasons are not substantive enough to me. One coworker has been friends with someone since jr high and feels that the friend doesn't fit into her new life anymore (she's in a relationship, that friend is not etc.). So she's just going to ghost her. 

When I asked if there was something wrong that she did or maybe they can talk; coworker said it's not worth it. She's got plenty of other friends.

This triggered me because I'm that person that gets ghosted all of the time. The worst part is that ghosters do not make it clear that they don't want to be your friend. What they do essentially is that they "fade away". So they'll answer 75% of your texts...then 50%...then less and less. I was epically ghosted by a girl and stood up like 7 times. She would become very friendly and then disappear. Repeat and repeat. I was confused at the time, but now I realize her whole plan was to ghost me all along. Whereas I simply believed her endless reasons of "last-minute conflicts" coming up. I become very angry when I think of her because I now realize that she's become good friends with a popular girl that hates me (I didn't do anything...I've been super nice etc but she says I'm too weird and purposely would exclude me from everything or ask people to stay away from me or badmouth me. Btw, this "friend" of mine did not even defend me but instead just listened to the badmouthing).

This is such a trigger for me because I've been abandoned by so many people all of my life. I'm overlooked and excluded. At 18 I started working very hard and now I'm almost 30 and nothing has changed. 



***Warning: Possible trigger for some readers...***
By a miracle I met my hubby...but if I hadn't, I think I would have offed myself. I was truly in a dark and horrible abusive place and had suicidal thoughts all of the time. Even though I have him I still have this longing for friends that I've had all of my life. :(



I've tried so many different methods...really putting in heavy efforts and also drawing back etc. I feel like...I don't think I'll ever have true friends. Are people so fake? Or am I soooo unlikeable and simply don't interest people enough to share a friendship? :(
 
People are cowards. Afraid of being uncomfortable and shying away from confrontation. Sadly its normal to "ghost" folks nowadays. Just a bunch of fake fucks.
 
Hey Kamya.
I hate people too.
I hate confrontation too but if this is how these people handle issues...how will they handle work? Family issues? etc. They can't just "ghost" every issue or every relationship like that. It's so irresponsible.

Also, said coworker was busying showing off all her pics with her countless other friends. It's so unfair how these popular folks take others for granted.
It just pisses me off. I also struggle with reading between the lines (hence how I got stood up 7+ times and kept thinking this "friend" was a friend). I feel so embarrassed and foolish. She's probably laughing her ass off.
 
kamya said:
People are cowards. Afraid of being uncomfortable and shying away from confrontation. Sadly its normal to "ghost" folks nowadays. Just a bunch of fake fucks.

+1
The nice thing about getting older (I mean 40+ ) is that it's so much easier to spot the fakes and weed them out. Who needs 1,000 "friends" on social media? I certainly don't. Someone who ghosts you wasn't your friend to begin with, sorry to say.
I have a few close friends and life is so much better that way.
 
Ditching someone for being single... yeah I'm triggered by this superficial joke of person. Consider whether you want anything more to do with these coworkers.
And no there's probably nothing wrong with you, a lot of people are just like this.
 
Actually at work it's difficult to keep a good relation with colleagues, when you talk to them sincerely always they find weak sides to use them against you, and tell others all your intimity. They always find something, analyse you as a laboratory rat, and if you are naive, they will try to show you off as the criticism focus at work place.
 
People really do suck. I've been ghosted by so many "friends" over the past couple of years. Yet when I do run into them on the very rare occasion, they're all smiling and hugging and "it's SO good to see you again, it's been ages!" Yeah, it's been ages because I no longer fit into your new clique of friends and you couldn't care less about me, you fake *****.
 
Have you done any individual counseling for the issues you mention in your original post?
 
kvolm...I've tried it before but it didn't help. Drs say it's a chemical imbalance; but for me I had legit reasons to be depressed especially being in a bad situation surrounded by bad people. Honestly, I believe just plying meds onto people doesn't fix the problem...many people would not be depressed if their situation improves.

Ghosting meaning...here's an interesting (and for me, a painful read)...
http://www.sheknows.com/living/articles/1118729/ghosted-by-a-friend
 
kamya said:
People are cowards. Afraid of being uncomfortable and shying away from confrontation. Sadly its normal to "ghost" folks nowadays. Just a bunch of fake fucks.

This, really.

But also these people sound like idiots anyway who only give a honeysuckle about social reputation portraying some tough "higher-class" personality that works well with similar minded people. While the rest of us have to learn to deal with such petty people and avoid them like honeysuckle in a field only to cumminate when ABSOLUTELY necessary.

It's happened to me as well, including people I've known practically all my life, but this accounts for nothing to them. It's important that you accept this happens.
 
When I first saw the topic I thought ghosting was a term for killing people.... That said I can tell you that I've been mass ghosted on two occasions by those I thought were my friends, it has left me with serious trust issues that have stopped me from making any new friends in over 20 years now.

So yeah this kinda triggers me to... True friends would take a single friend out and have him/her not feel like a 3rd or 5th wheel.
 
MisterLonely said:
I can tell you that I've been mass ghosted on two occasions by those I thought were my friends, it has left me with serious trust issues that have stopped me from making any new friends in over 20 years now.

I'm sorry to hear that, ML. That really sucks. I'm with you on #TeamSeriousTrustIssues, for what it's worth. You're not alone. I've been ghosted by multiple "friends" for years - so much that I've started thinking that there might be something wrong with me.
 
IceCastles said:
kvolm...I've tried it before but it didn't help. Drs say it's a chemical imbalance; but for me I had legit reasons to be depressed especially being in a bad situation surrounded by bad people. Honestly, I believe just plying meds onto people doesn't fix the problem...many people would not be depressed if their situation improves.

Ghosting meaning...here's an interesting (and for me, a painful read)...
http://www.sheknows.com/living/articles/1118729/ghosted-by-a-friend

I absolutely agree with you that meds should not be a generic answer.  But if there is a chemical imbalance that can be aided by a medication in addition to the counseling portion and as you accurately say, improvement in the life situation, do you find that to be a reasonable solution?
 
Tuathaniel said:
MisterLonely said:
I can tell you that I've been mass ghosted on two occasions by those I thought were my friends, it has left me with serious trust issues that have stopped me from making any new friends in over 20 years now.

I'm sorry to hear that, ML. That really sucks. I'm with you on #TeamSeriousTrustIssues, for what it's worth. You're not alone. I've been ghosted by multiple "friends" for years - so much that I've started thinking that there might be something wrong with me.

I thought that the second time it happend also, took me a while to get to the point where I realize it's not my fault, hope you were able to do the same !
 
Ever experienced that someone who's been ghosting you for a while, suddenly gets in touch and wants to hang out? How do you respond to that?

A friend ("friend") who's mostly been ignoring me since August, and who verbally attacked me last month because I expressed hurt feelings about having been excluded from an event, suddenly messaged me last night and asked if I would like some company on Sunday.

My first gut feeling is no, I don't want her company. I'm pretty sure she only asked me because none of the people she usually spends her time with are busy. I feel like a backup solution, and I hate feeling like that. At the same time, I don't really have a lot of friends, so I also feel like I should be happy with whatever I get.

I ended up replying yes, I could have time for a visit for an hour or two, but I'm still feeling conflicted about this. Also because I have no idea how to behave around her anymore, with all these hurt and bitter feelings towards her. I fear it'll be a couple of very awkward hours, with fake smiles and pretend niceness. And after how she responded last night I shared how I felt about something, I really don't feel comfortable being honest with her again. 

What would you do?
 
No. Don't spend time with people who've abused or disregarded you in the past. Ghosting works both ways.

I'm so antisocial, I just ghost myself preemptively!
 
There is nothing wrong with having friends who are on the periphery. OR someone you only do certain things with. Or maybe this person is also your backup plan. So, if you realize this person is just a sometimes friend or not going to be your best friend then you can choose to spend time with them or not.
 

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