I guess this is where i will breifly talk about myself. I've always been a pretty reclusive intreverted person. I'd rather hang out with a few friends than go out to a party with a bunch of people I don't know kind of person.
Throughout my life I've always had a couple good friends, and of course my family by my side. I've always had a few relationships in high school but nothing serious at all. After high school, I moved out on my own, and moved away to a big city to get away from the small boring city I grew up in.
When I was about 21 I met a girl at a concert, we fell in love. I will spare you all the details, but it was like it was taken from a movie or a romance novel. We couldn't believe it, we were so happy. She actually lived out of town, and for the next year I'd travel to see her, or she'd come to see me every 3-4 weeks. A year of doing that, I ended up packing up everything I could fit in a suitcase, I left everything behind and moved to be with her.
4.5 years pass, we had talks of marriage, we went house shopping together. We bought a puppy (lol). We spent everyday together. We didn't have much in the way of friends, we had each other, and never really bothered to make new friends. Anyhow, I start working night shift, she worked days. I guess it kind of took it's toll, and after awhile we started drifting a part, just not spending as much time together as we used to, but I thought it was temporary, and I always felt the love was still there. One weekend, she tells me she is going to a festival out of town with a good female friend of hers which turns out to be a lie. She went to visit a guy she had been talking to online during the evenings I wasn't around. I find out about it, at first she denies it, then says they're just friends, he means nothing to her, ect. Lots of tears, lots of apologies, but in the end she moves back home with her parents and we break up. About 6 months after that, she is still indecisive about which relationship she wants to pursue, and I give up on trying to mend things, take my self respect and look to the future. However I am very sad about this, as I feel we would've had a very happy life together. I was shellshocked, never in a million years would I have expected something like this to happen.
Now I am in my mid-twenties. I've never felt so alone in my life. I have no family here, but I stay here because my work is here. I don't have any real friends. I make a good wage, I am in terrific shape healthwise. However, besides going to the store, the gym, and work ( I work with a buncha old guys lol) I don't really interact with people my age, and am not the type of person to approach people i don't know. I have tried the online dating, but it seems most people on those sites are really desperate and will settle for anyone, or they just want a provider. I WANT LOVE. When I met my ex I had nothing, I knew the love was genuine, it was great. I don't feel that same chemistry with anyone I meet now. I've met about 5 girls since then, and they all wanted relationships with me, but I just couldn't commit to anything more than a friendship. I'm afraid I will never find love again, and I will end up "settling" for someone because I don't want to be alone, and I hope to have a familiy some day.
I have the same routine every day. Work, home, walk the dog, go to the gym/pool, have dinner, repeat. arg!
How did my world get turned upside down? Will I ever be happy again? I would be lying if I said there were nights I went to bed and wished I wouldn't wake up in the morning.
Sorry if this post seems too emo, but I thought this was the forum to let it out. haha.
:shy:
