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Aomine

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Lately, my depression has reached dangerous levels. I'm sad and depressed all day, I pitty myself. Here I am at my twenties, almost done with college and I can shamely admit; I've never had a real relationship. I've never had a girlfriend. I'm broken inside ever since a couple years ago. That was the last time I've ever truly experienced love or a crush, those butterflies in your stomach and the anxiety, I was young, naive I blew it and confessed my love too early so that I'd be completely crushed in return with a simple 'no.' My emotions have been crippled ever since, I've never had luck with girls I could get their numbers but I could never get past that, I'll always end up friendzoned or simply rejected. All I want is just to feel.. loved, cared about. I just want simple things, I just want someone to go out with, hold hands, call my own, exchange love texts and the silly emojis and most importantly one who wouldn't let me go. Even a hug would be very exciting right now. Anyone, anyone at all would fit... I'm not picky at all anymore. Nothing has ever worked out for me and now I don't know what to do anymore. I used to be able to only need myself but now I can't bare it anymore. And I'm very very depressed. I pitty myself to sleep which is the worst part of it all.. I've tried everything...



I need help. Please.
 
Aomine said:
I used to be able to only need myself but now I can't bare it anymore.

Yeah, I feel the same way about that.

I'm sorry you're going through this... it seems impossible to get past it, I know. Right now I can't give you advice for I'm in the same position as you, but I really do hope things get better and you find a glimpse of hope out there.
 
I made it all the way to 33 before I found myself in my first relationship, so don't give up. It might be a long wait for some of us, but usually someone will turn up eventually. Keep the hope alive. In the meanwhile, give yourself as much love as you can. Do something every day that cheers you up a bit, if it's reading a book, watching a show, cooking a nice meal, ordering takeout, going for a run - anything at all that you find some enjoyment in.
 
Thank you for the kind advices and comments, I'll try to implement them. <3
 
It sounds like you need some to start developing sources to build up your self esteem with? Are there areas that you feel inadequate in that you could start to implement changes around? Over the last four months I've been engaged in a blitzkrieg against the causes of insecurity in my life and it has really started to make a difference. What would like to see change?
 
Tuathaniel said:
I made it all the way to 33 before I found myself in my first relationship, so don't give up. It might be a long wait for some of us, but usually someone will turn up eventually. Keep the hope alive. In the meanwhile, give yourself as much love as you can. Do something every day that cheers you up a bit, if it's reading a book, watching a show, cooking a nice meal, ordering takeout, going for a run - anything at all that you find some enjoyment in.

I was also around 33 when I found my first and last relationship. She ended up killing herself and now I'm too old to find anyone else.
Life is cruel.
 
Paraiyar said:
It sounds like you need some to start developing sources to build up your self esteem with? Are there areas that you feel inadequate in that you could start to implement changes around? Over the last four months I've been engaged in a blitzkrieg against the causes of insecurity in my life and it has really started to make a difference. What would like to see change?

I guess I can start by working on my physical aspect, it's the only thing I can think of right now that I'm insecure about and I can actually change. Thanks for the tip, I'll try to find a gym.

blackdot said:
I was also around 33 when I found my first and last relationship. She ended up killing herself and now I'm too old to find anyone else.
Life is cruel.

That's even more sadder than me man, I am sorry for your loss really, it's just ******* aweful. I can't imagine what you're going through.
 
Not a good idea to talk about the "friendzone". There’s a growing section of the social media landscape where you’d be taken apart for using that word, where overzealous culture warriors will accuse you of being some weazily, creepy Nice Guy who pretends to be a close friend to women only to hit on them from that proximity.

I know what you probably mean; these women remained superficially friendly, just out of politeness, after you expressed interest towards them. Nevertheless, just some advice.

I'm 37 and never had a girlfriend, so I can't really help you.
 
ardour said:
Not a good idea to talk about the "friendzone". There’s a growing section of the social media landscape where you’d be taken apart for using that word, where overzealous culture warriors will accuse you of being some weazily, creepy Nice Guy who pretends to be a close friend to women only to hit on them from that proximity.

I know what you probably mean; these women remained superficially friendly, just out of politeness, after you expressed interest towards them. Nevertheless, just some advice.

I'm 37 and never had a girlfriend, so I can't really help you.

That's true, people can be judgemental about the whole friendzone thing. But it's kinda of a thing, isn't it?!
 
ardour said:
I'm 37 and never had a girlfriend, so I can't really help you.

I hope you won't find this abrasive or triggering in any way. I honestly don't know if what I'm about to say can be colored black, white, or gray. I don't think the color matters, coz it's intended to be neutral.

I was 23 when I first experienced any kind of intimacy. Ten years later, I have only been in one relationship of any significant length. And, I feel completely starved of intimacy. To the point that I feel like I'm dying from that deprivation.

I cannot begin to imagine how I would feel at 37 without ever having had a girlfriend.

Moreover, I don't know if I should feel better or worse, knowing about your situation. Better because, despite my utter failure in my love life, I at least had some fleeting experiences ? Or worse, because it's further evidence that this problem is actually quite widespread and there are so many of us suffering from the same problem ?
 
Somnambulist said:
ardour said:
I'm 37 and never had a girlfriend, so I can't really help you.

I hope you won't find this abrasive or triggering in any way. I honestly don't know if what I'm about to say can be colored black, white, or gray. I don't think the color matters, coz it's intended to be neutral.

I was 23 when I first experienced any kind of intimacy. Ten years later, I have only been in one relationship of any significant length. And, I feel completely starved of intimacy. To the point that I feel like I'm dying from that deprivation.

I cannot begin to imagine how I would feel at 37 without ever having had a girlfriend.

Moreover, I don't know if I should feel better or worse, knowing about your situation. Better because, despite my utter failure in my love life, I at least had some fleeting experiences ? Or worse, because it's further evidence that this problem is actually quite widespread and there are so many of us suffering from the same problem ?

Do you feel like you fell in love or had feelings for people you knew weren't good for you?
 
DarkSelene said:
Somnambulist said:
ardour said:
I'm 37 and never had a girlfriend, so I can't really help you.

I hope you won't find this abrasive or triggering in any way. I honestly don't know if what I'm about to say can be colored black, white, or gray. I don't think the color matters, coz it's intended to be neutral.

I was 23 when I first experienced any kind of intimacy. Ten years later, I have only been in one relationship of any significant length. And, I feel completely starved of intimacy. To the point that I feel like I'm dying from that deprivation.

I cannot begin to imagine how I would feel at 37 without ever having had a girlfriend.

Moreover, I don't know if I should feel better or worse, knowing about your situation. Better because, despite my utter failure in my love life, I at least had some fleeting experiences ? Or worse, because it's further evidence that this problem is actually quite widespread and there are so many of us suffering from the same problem ?

Do you feel like you fell in love or had feelings for people you knew weren't good for you?

I definitely was in love, with many of the women I dated. I fall in love easily because I look right through people's facades and see their humanness, and their hidden gems. I find something beautiful in pretty much everyone who gives me the time of day. It's a blessing and a curse.

I don't know what "good for me" means ... honestly. What criteria are there to make that judgment ? There were women who didn't care about me, yes. And, that didn't (and won't ever) stop me from loving them.

According to Eckhart Tolle (and consequently, according to me), love is a feeling of oneness with another, a recognition of self in another, that has nothing to do with who they are or how they treat you. In other words, love is, unequivocally and always unconditional. So, the expression "unconditional love" is actually redundant :)
 
Somnambulist said:
I definitely was in love, with many of the women I dated. I fall in love easily because I look right through people's facades and see their humanness, and their hidden gems. I find something beautiful in pretty much everyone who gives me the time of day. It's a blessing and a curse.

I don't know what "good for me" means ... honestly. What criteria are there to make that judgment ? There were women who didn't care about me, yes. And, that didn't (and won't ever) stop me from loving them.

According to Eckhart Tolle (and consequently, according to me), love is a feeling of oneness with another, a recognition of self in another, that has nothing to do with who they are or how they treat you. In other words, love is, unequivocally and always unconditional. So, the expression "unconditional love" is actually redundant :)

That is very beautiful indeed, and I feel like you in the way you find something beautiful in everyone. Thank you for your input.

I ask because I feel like some times I forget my better judgement, any kind of rationality, and give myself wholly to the other person when they not always want/appreciate that, so I guess that's what I meant about the "wrong person for you" but I see your point, I just don't know what to make of it all... specially after being hurt, feels like there's a sense to be more guarded or to even give up on the kind of intimacy that my heart feels so deprived of.
 
DarkSelene said:
Somnambulist said:
 

I definitely was in love, with many of the women I dated. I fall in love easily because I look right through people's facades and see their humanness, and their hidden gems. I find something beautiful in pretty much everyone who gives me the time of day. It's a blessing and a curse.

I don't know what "good for me" means ... honestly. What criteria are there to make that judgment ? There were women who didn't care about me, yes. And, that didn't (and won't ever) stop me from loving them.

According to Eckhart Tolle (and consequently, according to me), love is a feeling of oneness with another, a recognition of self in another, that has nothing to do with who they are or how they treat you. In other words, love is, unequivocally and always unconditional. So, the expression "unconditional love" is actually redundant :)

That is very beautiful indeed, and I feel like you in the way you find something beautiful in everyone. Thank you for your input.

I ask because I feel like some times I forget my better judgement, any kind of rationality, and give myself wholly to the other person when they not always want/appreciate that, so I guess that's what I meant about the "wrong person for you" but I see your point, I just don't know what to make of it all... specially after being hurt, feels like there's a sense to be more guarded or to even give up on the kind of intimacy that my heart feels so deprived of.

Here's what I think ... people like us, who give ourselves wholly, are among the minority. Most people are trained and taught to hold back (i.e., my definition of a grossly misunderstood and misused word - "insecurity"), and they will play that game no matter what or whom they encounter.

Most people really don't know what it's all about. They don't stop to think about what they're doing. Work all day, drink and fresia all night., repeat. These are people who, of course, have that humanness deep within them, but it gets covered up by every wrong thing they learn in this world ... they don't think for themselves anymore, they are puppets in a sense. And, the deeper that facade, the harder it is to get through to them. Almost like they're conditioned robots. People are like objects to them ... cars take us places, toothbrushes clean our teeth, people satisfy our (whatever) needs, and that's it. The moment you stop being useful to them, they will replace you with a better newer model :)

People just don't get us because we're different. Because they can't begin to comprehend the complexity of our emotions and our desires. They project their fears onto us ... "I need some space. You're moving too fast." and call us "insecure" or "clingy" or whatever the urban dictionary or Hollywood can dig up.

Perhaps, you and I just think for ourselves more. We are in touch with that humanness more. We haven't been fully corrupted by the world yet. We believe in that pure and simple idea of love and connection, with less constraints or rules or criteria.

That's my take on it, anyway.
 
These comments are deep, beautiful and meaningful. But to be honest, I've lost the meaning and the feeling of love completely. I don't see other people's souls or whatever, I don't go crazy over someone. I might think she's very pretty and very cute and I would like to be in a relation with her ( I'm talking in general here ) but I wouldn't say I love. Truth be told be told I don't care anymore, all this deprevation that lasted years has made those feelings bottled down so deep in a sealed barrel and thrown deep at the ocean. I don't feel, I don't relate to anyone. All I can feel anymore is sadness and depression. I joke around with my friends and have a good laugh here and there but I don't necesserly feel 'happy'. I'm just lost and confused as fresia so I'm sorry if none of this makes sense?
 
Makes perfect sense. Once you've closed yourself off to the possibility of love existing in your life, it's replaced with numbness, eventually you just forget how to feel it. Or even want to.
 
Yukongirl said:
Makes perfect sense. Once you've closed yourself off to the possibility of love existing in your life, it's replaced with numbness, eventually you just forget how to feel it. Or even want to.

Exactly! I'm already at that stage of complete numbness and forgetting how to feel anything. I want to experience love sometime, but sometimes I don't really want to at all. Will it ever get 'fixed' ? Is there hope?
 
Aomine said:
Yukongirl said:
Makes perfect sense. Once you've closed yourself off to the possibility of love existing in your life, it's replaced with numbness, eventually you just forget how to feel it. Or even want to.

Exactly! I'm already at that stage of complete numbness and forgetting how to feel anything. I want to experience love sometime, but sometimes I don't really want to at all. Will it ever get 'fixed' ? Is there hope?

I've been asking myself that for a while......
 
All of you need to be medicated.

At some point, you need to hit the "be happy" button over the "pine for kids" one.

A strong intellect is needed to see things for what they are. 80% of people are pretty dumb though, so instead they need to follow another path to happiness. Of course, dumb people are dumb, so they will refuse to go because "dumb."
 
Aomine said:
These comments are deep, beautiful and meaningful. But to be honest, I've lost the meaning and the feeling of love completely. I don't see other people's souls or whatever, I don't go crazy over someone. I might think she's very pretty and very cute and I would like to be in a relation with her ( I'm talking in general here ) but I wouldn't say I love. Truth be told be told I don't care anymore, all this deprevation that lasted years has made those feelings bottled down so deep in a sealed barrel and thrown deep at the ocean. I don't feel, I don't relate to anyone. All I can feel anymore is sadness and depression. I joke around with my friends and have a good laugh here and there but I don't necesserly feel 'happy'. I'm just lost and confused as fresia so I'm sorry if none of this makes sense?

Yeah, it makes sense. I'm not convinced that you have to feel like this forever though. I think things would probably change if you started working really hard on life goals.
 

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