Another rude craigslist reply -Well you guys ne the judge

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Restless soul

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Anyway, I can't believe I am writing another post related to my looks. Or just being insecure.  But I am glad I have this place to vent and get feedback.

So here is what happpend in a nutshell. I Send someone a photo which I think is ok. Yes, I am not smiling. Yes, I look too serious. But her reply was something like. " you look scary"
" you should send smiles" first of all tell someone they look scary? How is that not being rude? And she was condescending in the way she said show it to others. See what they say. Wtf? I never do that. If I dont  like someones photo I don't highly critique it. Especially when I do not know them from adam.

Any thoughts? Agree? Do I need a thicker skin ( duh )
But all replies welcome
 
Well, you could say she was being honest or rude... sometimes those lines cross. I don't get the point of smiling in pictures unless it's real, so I don't know.

Guess we'll have to check out that photo :D (I'm just kidding, don't do things that make you uncomfortable)
 
DarkSelene said:
Well, you could say she was being honest or rude... sometimes those lines cross. I don't get the point of smiling in pictures unless it's real, so I don't know.

Guess we'll have to check out that photo :D (I'm just kidding, don't do things that make you uncomfortable)

Hi selene, thanks. Yes. Umm I agree. Most my photos are selfies. And when I did smile I just hated it. More so than a serious look. And that is most likely why. I Just can't really fake a smile. I Mean I can. Just not a selfie.
 
Honest or rude. It was not cool. Why cant people think and choose thier words before typing!?
 
I get how what she was saying could seem rude and hurtful but do you think it was possible that it was her way of playfully teasing you and she didn't mean to come across as so condescending?

I do think you might be letting it get to you a little bit too much, it's not like she called you ugly, maybe she just thinks you look nicer when you smile.
 
Paraiyar said:
I get how what she was saying could seem rude and hurtful but do you think it was possible that it was her way of playfully teasing you and she didn't mean to come across as so condescending?

I do think you might be letting it get to you a little bit too much, it's not like she called you ugly, maybe she just thinks you look nicer when you smile.

Yes and no. But I am usually good at picking up someones true intentions. Due to negative past experiences.  So I knew she was trying to be more negative and condescending. And breaking my balls. Because when I asked her for her photo she said no, unless It was of me smiling. So being conditional like that. Truth is I should have a photo smiling.  I don't have a single one. Just hate how it makes me look
 
You see paraiyar. If she was truely being playful and or helpful.
She would have said something along the lines like
" hey nice photo. But you should smile more i bet its nice.
Who the fresia says you look scary to someone they just met?
Would you ever say that as a reaction to a girl who sent you a photo. Whether you thought she was scary or not?
I hope not
 
A thick skin is helpful - like the skin of 1,000 elephants.
With that said, though, I think she was incredibly rude. Would she say that to you if you were face to face - "you look scary"? Probably not - because it's a rude thing to say.

I've tried online dating and thankfully most guys were mature and polite (except for the ones that messaged "Hey sexxy" and dick pics but that's a different thread maybe.)
If you are polite and not rude - more power to you. I think you're far more likely to meet someone nice that way. Just ignore the bad ones, there are better women out there.
 
SofiasMami said:
A thick skin is helpful - like the skin of 1,000 elephants.
With that said, though, I think she was incredibly rude. Would she say that to you if you were face to face - "you look scary"? Probably not - because it's a rude thing to say.

I've tried online dating and thankfully most guys were mature and polite (except for the ones that messaged "Hey sexxy" and dick pics but that's a different thread maybe.)
If you are polite and not rude - more power to you. I think you're far more likely to meet someone nice that way. Just ignore the bad ones, there are better women out there.
And that us precisely why I think that matching apps i.e tinder and the likes really solves that problem in many ways. Because, hey if you already matched you know you are already off to a good start.  I mean it takes the chance of someone responding in a hurtful manner out of the scenerio
 
Restless soul said:
You see paraiyar. If she was truely being playful and or helpful.
She would have said something along the lines like
" hey nice photo. But you should smile more i bet its nice.
Who the fresia says you look scary to someone they just met?
Would you ever say that as a reaction to a girl who sent you a photo. Whether you thought she was scary or not?
I hope not

You're right about that.
 
And no. She wouldnt say it to my face. Because I would make her look like a fool. And b. I don't look scary..
 
Restless soul said:
You see paraiyar. If she was truely being playful and or helpful.
She would have said something along the lines like
" hey nice photo. But you should smile more i bet its nice.
Who the fresia says you look scary to someone they just met?
Would you ever say that as a reaction to a girl who sent you a photo. Whether you thought she was scary or not?
I hope not

Depends if I could make it obvious that I was joking or not.
 
Restless soul said:
Anyway, I can't believe I am writing another post related to my looks. Or just being insecure.  But I am glad I have this place to vent and get feedback.

So here is what happpend in a nutshell. I Send someone a photo which I think is ok. Yes, I am not smiling. Yes, I look too serious. But her reply was something like. " you look scary"
" you should send smiles" first of all tell someone they look scary? How is that not being rude? And she was condescending in the way she said show it to others. See what they say. Wtf? I never do that. If I dont  like someones photo I don't highly critique it. Especially when I do not know them from adam.

Any thoughts? Agree? Do I need a thicker skin ( duh )
But all replies welcome

It's not about having a thicker skin ... you can't magically grow thicker skin.

Try to look at it slightly differently ... her comment was just noise generated by someone's brain. Do we really need to take others' opinions that seriously ? How important is this person's comment to you ?

When a 5 yr old tells you, "You're a poopoohead !", do you take that seriously ?

Who cares what this chick thinks about your photo or about ***anything*** ?

What do they say ? Opinions are like a$$ho!!es ... everybody's got one.

BTW, I fully agree with you and DarkSelene about smiles in pictures ... I almost NEVER smile in pictures, unless it just happens automatically.
 
Restless soul said:
So here is what happpend in a nutshell. I Send someone a photo which I think is ok. Yes, I am not smiling. Yes, I look too serious. But her reply was something like. " you look scary"
" you should send smiles" first of all tell someone they look scary? How is that not being rude? And she was condescending in the way she said show it to others. See what they say. Wtf? I never do that. If I dont  like someones photo I don't highly critique it. Especially when I do not know them from adam.

Any thoughts? Agree? Do I need a thicker skin ( duh )
But all replies welcome


It was rude and there was no way you deserved that. Just because you were not smiling you're scary? Some people can't stand having their picture taken and some people follow the camera around every chance they get.

I don't know if you need a thicker skin but I do know you need to find someone else to show your photo to besides this girl.
 
BeyondShy said:
Restless soul said:
So here is what happpend in a nutshell. I Send someone a photo which I think is ok. Yes, I am not smiling. Yes, I look too serious. But her reply was something like. " you look scary"
" you should send smiles" first of all tell someone they look scary? How is that not being rude? And she was condescending in the way she said show it to others. See what they say. Wtf? I never do that. If I dont  like someones photo I don't highly critique it. Especially when I do not know them from adam.

Any thoughts? Agree? Do I need a thicker skin ( duh )
But all replies welcome


It was rude and there was no way you deserved that. Just because you were not smiling you're scary? Some people can't stand having their picture taken and some people follow the camera around every chance they get.

I don't know if you need a thicker skin but I do know you need to find someone else to show your photo to besides this girl.

Thanks for seeing it as I do. I think people do it for a power trip. Make someone feel bad. When they know that person can't see them.
 
Just to follow up. I don't like my photo taken. But this was a selfie i took espeacially for a dating app. This person obviously was cl.
But, yeah. Hate smiling and photos. The rare times i looked good smiling was rare and years ago.
 
Restless soul said:
Just to follow up. I don't like my photo taken. But this was a selfie i took espeacially for a dating app. This person obviously was cl.
But, yeah. Hate smiling and photos. The rare times i looked good smiling was rare and years ago.

Don't beat yourself up over it, call her a b*** privately (in your head haha) and move on. Other people will surely appreciate your picture more :)
 
I am not. Because on the dating app. I match with plenty of people with that pic. Some said they think I should smile. But I also assume they like my photos anyway.
 
Don't get me wrong. Regardles of how many matches. Still affects my self-esteem when someone says something like that.
 
Restless soul said:
Don't get me wrong. Regardles of how many matches. Still affects my self-esteem when someone says something like that.

What matters is if you're happy with yourself, if you can see any beauty in you. Of course those comments sting, but shouldn't be a big deal, don't let it affect you too much. That's all just superficial matter anyways, looks are not as important as people are conditioned to think.
 

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