Do some people just go through life friendless? Unliked?

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IceCastles

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After trying for 10 years none of my friendships have stuck. Usually if I bump into them they are asking for coffee or to catch up. If I take it seriously and try to arrange something they are too busy. I've realized that "let's go for coffee" is just small talk.

Very disappointed and I've tried everything. There just isn't room for me in anyone's circle. I'm a stereotypical "good girl" and I guess I'm boring.

I'm lucky to have my daughter because she keeps me going. I know so many women sharing their interests with each other, bonding over motherhood, cooking or going out together. I've let some of them know my interest but I'm not "part of the group". I must look weird or have a dull personality.

It really sucks to be reminded of how I don't fit in as I near my 30s. I'm too old for this honeysuckle. I wish I wasn't so lonely for friends.
 
Also to note, many women I know are extremely cliquey and have tight-knit groups.

They also rant about how awful their friends treat them. I wouldn't treat them that way and would do my best to be a good friend, but there's no room for me in their life.

I'm very lucky to have a partner...I'm sure had I not met him I would've killed myself or be in a deeper depression especially with the abusive living situation I was in. He's incredibly popular and spends a lot of time with his friends. I can't help but feel a bit jealous to see how easy some people have it. I'm happy for him but it's just a reminder of how hard I have it when it comes to making friends.
 
It seems friends are like a chore now a days. I personally tried to keep my friends at a bare to none minimal. I always tend to find those fly by night friends that lead into nowhere that only leaves you at a stand still when in a need of a friend for a shoulder to cry on support etc.

I would stick behind family and your daughters seem to make your world brighter. Friends would only bring you down or you be just another third wheel to someone else and trust me you don't need that bullshit.

Plus, if you weed out the bullies and the haters on here, you will find great people on here who are really kind and choose to keep conversations in private and won't judge you. I made some great friendships with people on here who keep on a download here.
 
I've gone through life friendless. I don't know why and don't care to know.

At some point, there is not enough energy left to care why. I reached that point a long time ago.

I don't know what if any solution there is, but I assure you that you're one of many such unfortunate people.
 
Sometimes it feels like the rest of the world is off on meetings deciding which ones are "meant" to be excluded. I have thought, compared, guessed and much more what things I could have done differently from other people - there are a few things, but they are not enough for explanations in my world. I do not, most of the time, consider myself that socially blind. However, I still feel like it, since my results are so different from most other ones. I wish you all luck, IceCastles! ^_^
 
I've spent my 20's friendless. To me, my social life is dead, my love life has been dead, and there's no way either of them will ever come back as far as I'm concerned. I can't just go out and do things. It's not as easy as everyone else on here thinks it is. I pretty much never go out anymore. :(

It also isn't helping that most of the people that I talk to on here end up leaving. It almost makes me want to leave ALL myself. If I'm lonely on a loneliness forum, then I'll be lonely for the rest of my life. It was always meant to be that way. :(
 
I often want to do so much more than I can, on all levels. Log in here when I'm tired. Travel when I have no money. Meet friends when I have none. Go industrial dancing though I have no idea where. Save all animals from experiments when I cannot keep a daily rhythm intact. Get revenge on everything from bank owners to human traders, but once again, limitations. I could go out and do things, but I feel no point in doing it alone.
I do not intend to leave, but I might go MIA every now and then in the brutal catfights with life. *insert random dethklok joke*
 
Meaw said:
I often want to do so much more than I can, on all levels. Log in here when I'm tired. Travel when I have no money. Meet friends when I have none. Go industrial dancing though I have no idea where. Save all animals from experiments when I cannot keep a daily rhythm intact. Get revenge on everything from bank owners to human traders, but once again, limitations. I could go out and do things, but I feel no point in doing it alone.
I do not intend to leave, but I might go MIA every now and then in the brutal catfights with life. *insert random dethklok joke*

I can totally relate with what you've written. I have no real solution though.

Personally, I've decided I don't want to give up on myself.. believe in fatalism like "I'll always be alone".. I struggle every day in order to make even the tiniest difference in the way I act, or think.. and if I can't.. no problem.. I believe there's value even in just trying.

There has to be a reason why it's so difficult.. living life as everyone else can so easily do. I want to believe there has to be one.
 
I find it hard to keep friends the older I get. People don't want to deal with my austism and think its easy to switch it off. They have no idea how hard it is.

So I must accept I'll prob be alone for the rest of my life. Makes me extremely sad but hey I guess I'll have all the time in the world to do what I want.
 
niceguysfinishlast said:
I've spent my 20's friendless. To me, my social life is dead, my love life has been dead, and there's no way either of them will ever come back as far as I'm concerned. I can't just go out and do things. It's not as easy as everyone else on here thinks it is. I pretty much never go out anymore. :(

It also isn't helping that most of the people that I talk to on here end up leaving. It almost makes me want to leave ALL myself. If I'm lonely on a loneliness forum, then I'll be lonely for the rest of my life. It was always meant to be that way. :(

I can relate so much to this. I seem to attract "friends" who ALWAYS have a hidden agenda and once they got what they want from me, they leave me in the dust. It sucks because I'm always there for people and when i need someone there's noone.

I've accepted the fact that maybe there's just something wrong with me, that makes it easy for people to be around me temporarily. Suckie feeling but can' do much about it.

If you ever need someone to talk to I'd be more than happy to chat. We can be lonely together :cool:
 
My last two friends have been rubbish. One kept borrowing money till I said:"NO" and he has never seen again, Before that about 5 years ago I had a really close friend who turned out to be a convicted paedophile. I have never been lucky with friends and always spent my time own my own. I never was very good socially as a child and never went to any school discos or I was never allowed out to play. I lived in a rough housing estate In Glasgow and I guess my parents were worried I would turn out to be a drug dealer. So, socially I was a loaner and now I am in my 50's and things have not got better so yes I do believe that some people can go throughout life with no friends.
 
I had a gang of friends when i was a kid. We used to roam the neighborhood together. Playing outside, playing sports, swimming in the creek, etc. Then when i was 12, my brother was tragically killed. Looking back, I think that caused me to become a much more serious, somber person. That I was confronted with this issue of death at a critical point in my life and it essentially changed my personality to think on serious issues. And, i really didn't have a big circle of friends in HS but i was very involved in sports, etc. I think that i stopped having Fun. Maybe i didn't think i deserved to have fun. Or maybe i began to view fun as something frivolous. I didn't intend to send that vibe but looking back i think it is very possible that was a turning point. And, then i spent the next several decades focusing on getting my degree, working, getting married, house and kids, etc. All of which i am very happy with. But, i would love to just have a group of girlfriends to call up and chatter with.
 
Difficult circumstances made me withdraw into my shell and become friendless and unliked (well perhaps not altogether unliked - at least not by everybody).  

The circumstances were beyond my control and I did the best I could to survive.

Nowadays my situation is different but I reserve the right to retreat into my shell at any given time ;)
 
Yeah, I've been pretty friendless for most of my life, with the exception of the short time that I was in the Army. There I had so many short-lived friendships. I would have these really quick and intense friendships with women, and even ended up moving in with one of them later on and having a romantic relationship, but that ended badly.

Other than that, I don't work or have any outside activities. I thought of even going to like a support group just to be around others, feel a false sense of kinship. Meh.

At least you have a partner, though, right?
 
Thread seems dead but my take on this is;

I see you are approaching 30. Out our age - I myself am 30 - it is incredibly difficult to make new friends. You will be trying to ''crack'' social circles where people have known each other since college/varsity or even since childhood. They have their connections, history and stories that you cannot relate to. I also think most people in their late 20s to early 30s are starting to become family-focused so there is little time to build new bonds with strange new people.

Example; Jim and John met at college, they've know each other since they were 18 and are best friends. They have their college stories, their 21st birthday tales, they were best men at one another's weddings, Jim's kids refer to John as their uncle as they are like family. You meet Jim when he is 28. There is no way you will ever connect with Jim the way John does. They may invite you out with them but you just won't ever have the connection they have. There will be times where you feel like you are the spare wheel.
 
TheStaggy said:
Thread seems dead but my take on this is;

I see you are approaching 30. Out our age - I myself am 30 - it is incredibly difficult to make new friends. You will be trying to ''crack'' social circles where people have known each other since college/varsity or even since childhood. They have their connections, history and stories that you cannot relate to. I also think most people in their late 20s to early 30s are starting to become family-focused so there is little time to build new bonds with strange new people.

Example; Jim and John met at college, they've know each other since they were 18 and are best friends. They have their college stories, their 21st birthday tales, they were best men at one another's weddings, Jim's kids refer to John as their uncle as they are like family. You meet Jim when he is 28. There is no way you will ever connect with Jim the way John does. They may invite you out with them but you just won't ever have the connection they have. There will be times where you feel like you are the spare wheel.

Yikes! As someone that doesn't have friends from a younger time, that was a painful read. The truth hurts and I do agree though. I wish to have fulfilling deep friendships but it seems most people either aren't interested in one or aren't interested in one with me.
 
Men are obsessed with women and women are obsessed with themselves. For the lucky few guys who realize there is more to life than sex, it can be hard to find intellectual connections because there are so few of us (I mean, just look at 90% of the posts on this site). Most guys I meet are hyper-competitive and turn everything into a power struggle because they aren't getting their fix. And good luck trying to be friends with a girl who doesn't want to have sex with you. Better just to chill with my cats.
 
Menorahman said:
Men are obsessed with women and women are obsessed with themselves. For the lucky few guys who realize there is more to life than sex, it can be hard to find intellectual connections because there are so few of us (I mean, just look at 90% of the posts on this site). Most guys I meet are hyper-competitive and turn everything into a power struggle because they aren't getting their fix. And good luck trying to be friends with a girl who doesn't want to have sex with you. Better just to chill with my cats.

This kind of gender bashing talk is discouraged here and not allowed. Don't do it again.
 
Sci-Fi said:
Menorahman said:
Men are obsessed with women and women are obsessed with themselves. For the lucky few guys who realize there is more to life than sex, it can be hard to find intellectual connections because there are so few of us (I mean, just look at 90% of the posts on this site). Most guys I meet are hyper-competitive and turn everything into a power struggle because they aren't getting their fix. And good luck trying to be friends with a girl who doesn't want to have sex with you. Better just to chill with my cats.

This kind of gender bashing talk is discouraged here and not allowed.  Don't do it again.

Strangely the second thread I've looked at between the same two people.  Menorhaman, Sci-Fi is giving you good advice here, please take it.
 
PS79 said:
Sci-Fi said:
Menorahman said:
Men are obsessed with women and women are obsessed with themselves. For the lucky few guys who realize there is more to life than sex, it can be hard to find intellectual connections because there are so few of us (I mean, just look at 90% of the posts on this site). Most guys I meet are hyper-competitive and turn everything into a power struggle because they aren't getting their fix. And good luck trying to be friends with a girl who doesn't want to have sex with you. Better just to chill with my cats.

This kind of gender bashing talk is discouraged here and not allowed.  Don't do it again.

Strangely the second thread I've looked at between the same two people.  Menorhaman, Sci-Fi is giving you good advice here, please take it.

Sci fi is really on to him
 

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