Do you want to get married?

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Prodigy

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The idea of marriage just scares me so much.

I find myself easily annoyed by people all the time. I don't show it on the outside, but this is how I often felt deep down.
I'm currently living together with my parents and brother, and I constantly find myself annoyed by them. The same thing goes for my coworkers in my workplace, I constantly feel anxious around them and I'm unable to be myself around them.

I see everyone else around me getting married, and my mom is also urging me to get married, but idk if marriage is for me. I'm not sure if I'm able to tolerate living together in the same space with people without getting annoyed by them.

Does anyone else feel the same way too?
 
I already am married. So I suppose I did want to get married. However, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to get married. A lot of people just see it as a piece of paper or a burden or a waste of time.

You won't ever live with someone and not be annoyed by them, at least a little bit. Nothing wrong with that either, just depends on how you deal with the annoyances. No one is perfect, so everyone will, at some point, annoy you.
 
Prodigy said:
I find myself easily annoyed by people all the time.

This is probably the phrase I say the most.

I don't want to get married and prefer long distance relationships because people normally don't give me enough space when I'm in a "normal" relationship, that annoys me. What also annoys me is that no one seems to be able to understand that even if you do have a parter, you're still an individual, a separate person... not just a part of a couple.
Of course, if I do find someone that I love, that can respect me and the moments I want my own space, I'll have no problems at all living in the same house with them. People do say I'm easy to deal with because I mostly keep to myself, so.. idk, I have no idea. I don't want to get married though and think wedding ceremonies are stupid and a waste of money.
 
No, I have been opposed to marriage for years. I always found the idea of being legally bound to another person in that manner very constricting. Now I hope it is never brought up by the family later on...but who am I kidding, of course it will be. My older brother has been dealing with it for a while ever since he got a solid girlfriend. Although voicing my opposition to the concept of marriage will be much easier to communicate than my complete opposition to romantic relationships as a hardline loner.
 
No. I desire close companionship, but marriage sounds like too much of a burden. Even if I did, there are more pressing issues for me to address before that becomes a possibility.
 
I have been married, and that did not work. That hasn't put me off marriage though. I am a romantic and think it is an important moment in committing the union, the intensity of commiting to the person you feel so much love for. That is just my feelings on it.

Now the longer I have been alone and older I get, I might find it difficult to live with someone. Purely down to I don't want to feel bad or waste time and argue over silly chores or mess or who hasn't done this. Then on the downside, not feeling the warmth of another person beside you in bed, sharing the drudgery of running a house. Maybe someone could convince me otherwise, who knows.

I really like the idea of having a committed companion. Live seperately although plenty of sleepovers would be a must ;). Sharing everything else.
 
Rodent said:
Although voicing my opposition to the concept of marriage will be much easier to communicate than my complete opposition to romantic relationships as a hardline loner.

Don't worry about family, they tend to think they know you better than yourself (also what you need) and they're usually very wrong -- in my experience. They'll survive the blow. haha 
Loner, is that for general disinterest in people?
 
Commitment doesn't scare me like it does alot of people. The thing that frightens me is that all it takes is one bad day for everything to go absolutely haywire, that other person could just suddenly lose interest in you and you are just left hanging. Although they say they will fight through the difficult times often they'd rather just take the easy route.
I'm quite torn on this question - part of me wants to say yes but the other half realizes that it's a horrible idea.
 
Gorbachov said:
Commitment doesn't scare me like it does alot of people. The thing that frightens me is that all it takes is one bad day for everything to go absolutely haywire, that other person could just suddenly lose interest in you and you are just left hanging. Although they say they will fight through the difficult times often they'd rather just take the easy route.
I'm quite torn on this question - part of me wants to say yes but the other half realizes that it's a horrible idea.

Communication and honesty, look for that and you'll be ok. Also, paying attention to the red flags along the way, a lot of people say they're honest and say they'll communicate and it doesn't happen for a variety of reasons which I particularly don't understand.
 
DarkSelene said:
Don't worry about family, they tend to think they know you better than yourself (also what you need) and they're usually very wrong -- in my experience. They'll survive the blow. haha 
Loner, is that for general disinterest in people?

It might not be that that they think they know better with regards to marriage - they might just not know any better. My family is by no means traditional, but marriage is very common among my wider family either way. Maybe because it's a somewhat rural area. The "other" blow would be much more harder if I was an only child, but I can rely on my brother to continue the family name. Yeah, I'm thinking rather sober about all of this...

I'm a loner insofar as being physically uncomfortable among other people and that I learned long ago that I'm just a chaotic collection of ideas and values myself (that don't really align with the majority). So I don't idealize people or interact with them just to satisfy some selfish need for "mingling", but when it seems like they have something interesting to talk about and think similarly about me.

(...and that can result in hours-long conversations with very few select individuals which I might even call friends.)
 
Rodent said:
It might not be that that they think they know better with regards to marriage - they might just not know any better. My family is by no means traditional, but marriage is very common among my wider family either way. Maybe because it's a somewhat rural area. The "other" blow would be much more harder if I was an only child, but I can rely on my brother to continue the family name. Yeah, I'm thinking rather sober about all of this...

That's funny, your situation is similar to mine in that regard. Although even my great grandparents were divorced, so I'm not sure anyone in my family actually believes in marriage anymore, no worries there. My mom do seem to want me to get some babies out of me, though, not gonna happen!

Rodent said:
I'm a loner insofar as being physically uncomfortable among other people and that I learned long ago that I'm just a chaotic collection of ideas and values myself (that don't really align with the majority). So I don't idealize people or interact with them just to satisfy some selfish need for "mingling", but when it seems like they have something interesting to talk about and think similarly about me.

(...and that can result in hours-long conversations with very few select individuals which I might even call friends.)

I see. Got curious there... you don't seem to be the type to see yourself as undeserving and that's generally the reason as to why I see people calling themselves loners.
I wouldn't give good advice on that, as I feel like a loner myself for similar reasons. Very hard finding people that interest me for long periods of time and too socially awkward to be amongst people in general.
(Also, I hate the fact that most people can't handle honesty -- I'm always perceived as rude)
 
DarkSelene said:
That's funny, your situation is similar to mine in that regard. Although even my great grandparents were divorced, so I'm not sure anyone in my family actually believes in marriage anymore, no worries there. My mom do seem to want me to get some babies out of me, though, not gonna happen!

See, there are no permanent divorcees in my family. Only an uncle of mine got divorced once but some years later he met someone new and got happily married again. Luckily there's no talk of grandkids on my end, but like I said before it might just be because of my brother. Or the obvious lack of wombs...

DarkSelene said:
I see. Got curious there... you don't seem to be the type to see yourself as undeserving and that's generally the reason as to why I see people calling themselves loners.
I wouldn't give good advice on that, as I feel like a loner myself for similar reasons. Very hard finding people that interest me for long periods of time and too socially awkward to be amongst people in general.
(Also, I hate the fact that most people can't handle honesty -- I'm always perceived as rude)

When I joined this place I was filled with tons of self-hatred which were reflected in my writings. Now I see myself as neither undeserving nor deserving of anything - unless I have earned it through merit. But I know my limitations and it would be foolish to not learn from the mistakes of the past, so I'm wary of new people and their motives which can be genuinely good, but still incompatible with mine.

I prefer honesty as well, but I've learned to not use the truth as a weapon. Cause sometimes it's very tempting to pull the "truth card" to hide moral superiority or the desire for revenge.

No harm in a genuinely honest exchange of ideas or experiences as long both parties play their cards openly.
 
Rodent said:
See, there are no permanent divorcees in my family. Only an uncle of mine got divorced once but some years later he met someone new and got happily married again. Luckily there's no talk of grandkids on my end, but like I said before it might just be because of my brother. Or the obvious lack of wombs...

My brother will be able to provide the marriage and kids, it's something I know he wants. He lives with someone that makes him very happy, so I see my mom's wishes in being a grandmother being achieved soon, maybe she'll forget about my womb then. hahaha

Rodent said:
When I joined this place I was filled with tons of self-hatred which were reflected in my writings. Now I see myself as neither undeserving nor deserving of anything - unless I have earned it through merit. But I know my limitations and it would be foolish to not learn from the mistakes of the past, so I'm wary of new people and their motives which can be genuinely good, but still incompatible with mine.

I prefer honesty as well, but I've learned to not use the truth as a weapon. Cause sometimes it's very tempting to pull the "truth card" to hide moral superiority or the desire for revenge.

No harm in a genuinely honest exchange of ideas or experiences as long both parties play their cards openly.

If you ask me, that's the best approach. Why would someone think they deserve something they didn't fight to achieve?! And the opposite of it comes down to feeling bad about oneself, I can't really talk about that using generalizations.
See, I like to figure people out, like puzzles, in a logical sense. Understanding their motives is part of it, but so I can do that I also need honesty and I'm not the kind of person that likes to guess/wonder what people are feeling/thinking. I'm straight forward about mine, but maybe I expect that too much from others... the game playing thing is something that bothers me deeply, and that's probably one of the reasons I have pulled the truth card for revenge in the past.
You're right about being wary, though, I should learn from that.
 
DarkSelene said:
If you ask me, that's the best approach. Why would someone think they deserve something they didn't fight to achieve?! And the opposite of it comes down to feeling bad about oneself, I can't really talk about that using generalizations.
See, I like to figure people out, like puzzles, in a logical sense. Understanding their motives is part of it, but so I can do that I also need honesty and I'm not the kind of person that likes to guess/wonder what people are feeling/thinking. I'm straight forward about mine, but maybe I expect that too much from others... the game playing thing is something that bothers me deeply, and that's probably one of the reasons I have pulled the truth card for revenge in the past.
You're right about being wary, though, I should learn from that.

(We're **** close to hijacking this thread, judging by how far we drifted away from marriage, so we better wrap this up for now...)

I'm a big proponent of observation because you can't always tell whether the things people are saying are truthful unless you consistently and carefully listen to them. But when you actually interact with a person, becoming emotionally invested is always a possibility and a hazard. Sometimes you'd rather avoid that. You can tell a lot more by their actions and the consequences of said actions.  Also because you may find that the potential that makes the other person act in a destructive and dangerous manner, does exist in you as well. I certainly see a lot of vile potential within me, so there's a point where I'll have to refrain from gazing into other people's abysses.

Generally I try to act honestly and consistently which does seem to make some people comfortable enough to open up by themselves. That's also preferable for me, because I don't ask a lot of questions - especially not the ones of the smalltalk kind. Because if a person does not trust my word, why would I use words to convince them of the opposite...
 
I've no problem with marriage. This isn't the Middle Ages or the Industrial Age, women are no longer chattel or forced domestic servants, men no longer workhorse providers. People generally take the formal recognition route because it's what they want. I realize a lot of people can't tolerate that degree of familiarity with someone... fine and understandable, but it's annoying when you hear people talking about others as if they were mindless sheep socialized by their parents/peers/society, as if being indifferent to the idea implies greater intelligence or emotional depth (not meant as an attack on you Rodent)

Maybe it's the lack of relationship experience speaking, but assuming they felt something similar and didn't just want the house I happen to have inherited, I would consider it.
 
I don't have the luxury of thinking about whether or not I want to get married. I have a chronic illness that will get worse with time. It's imperative that I marry. But I have nothing in common with anyone. The future seems bleak
 
Hopefully one day, yes.

To me marriage is a union where you ask to be blessed in the eyes of God. It is a ceremonial way to show Him and your friends & family ”This is the person I deeply love and I’m ready to spend rest of my life with.”

Also I hear there is cake involved.
 
To the OP, I say if you're not 100% sure, then maybe marriage isn't a good idea right now.

I, however, want to get married and have a strong belief in and desire for commitment. I could be a great husband if someone gave me the chance, but the reason I'm single is because everyone I was attracted to moved away and didn't care enough to wait for me or stay in contact with me. I'm the only one in my family who doesn't have a spouse or significant other, and they know about my frustration regarding this. If there's any chance of it happening to me, I should first improve relations with my family and let go of the past which will be very hard to do, along with the fact that the woman either needs to stay put, or keep in contact with me if she does move away. But even if she said yes, I couldn't handle the pomp and circumstance of a wedding and I don't want to have kids as I'm not fond of children, though my outlook could possibly change in either case.
 
i feel the same sometimes, family can be kind of annoying to live with. The good side you might not have to pay bills.
Marriage can be overrated if you chose the wrong person. But it would be nice to share with someone ideas, interest, hobbies, ect and live with them. Just at the right time.
 

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