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Gorbachov

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Hello my fellow lonely traveler. Have you ever felt the devilish desire to bring pain among those who brought it upon you in the first place? Sometimes even to people who are not unfair directly to you. To say that the world is not fair would be an understatement but sometimes it really gets to me.
Usually i am quite forgiving and i let go of things rather quickly but i guess we can only take so much. Some particular events, some i have mentioned on this forum, have really distressed me and shaken me out of my old self. If you have dealt with this - how do you handle this properly? I realize i probably will never go back to my old mentality but i atleast hope i can gather some pieces of what's left of it.
I don't expect an A-Z instruction, i just want you to elaborate.
 
Yes, I definitely have wished pain onto others who hurt me before but also onto innocent people whose behavior merely annoyed me. I have also had my share of violent dreams (and daydreams) and I didn't even feel guilty about them by then. When you're repeatedly disappointed, put down or betrayed you can easily get the impression the world is just plain bad and full of terrible people and that the best thing would be to just to get rid of a whole chunk of them.

The simplest solution was to remind myself that things have the potential to get better - so do other people - and that I can look for good things elsewhere in the meantime. Though you might have to withdraw from your current environment for that purpose. But you can't change the whole **** world and some things are just lost and unsalvageable. Otherwise I keep telling myself that if I acted out my resentment in the real world instead of in my dreams (or in art and video games), it would just make the world an even worse place and that's in nobody's interest. And I'd rather be productive and in balance.

It's true that you probably won't go back to your old mentality. I couldn't do so either, but I reformed myself. It's not healthy to be constantly resentful, but you can't be too forgiving either or people just steamroll over you. That's just character development. You have values that are worth defending after all.
 
Yes, I understand exactly what you described and have experienced the same sinister intentions myself. But, I have a mighty strong conscience and would never even come remotely close to hurting someone intentionally.

It's NOT easy to forgive, but I try to remind myself of one of my favorite quotes (taken from the Bible), and when I do, I usually feel better right away - "Forgive them for they know not what they do", which simply means that no human in his/her right mind would hurt another.

I'm also a huge idealist and non-conformist, so I disagree with people more than I breathe Oxygen. And, I believe that the world has been infected with stupidity. That makes it easier for me to deal with the pain that others have brought over me. They don't have a ******* clue what they do.

I've figured out that it takes a certain level of intelligence and even courage, to suffer in this world, because you need that to question the status quo and to see it as insane. If you're just a sheep, well, you happily bend over and take it up the ass.

You might see this as a somewhat narcissistic viewpoint, and maybe it is, but it works quite well for me.
 
I don't think there is anything existentially wrong with having feelings of hate for those who wronged you, and if someone wronged you in such a vile and inhuman way, I would think it only normal to have wishes of retribution.

I'm very thankfull that for me it has never come tothe point where I felt the situation had to be dealt with, I once was very close though when my sister was with an abusive boyfriend that she only just escaped with her sanity intact, bank account plundered and not a dime left, his next plan was for her to make some money by means of the oldest profession...we got her out before that could happen thankfully, but if we didn't i'm quite positive matters would have escalated quickly and I don't know how that would have ended

However when it comes to minor annoyances I would suggest finding an outlet for your anger, you can debate all you want wether or not you should feel like that for whatever reason,walking around with that isn't healty for you physically and mentally so you shouldn't keepit locked in!
 
I've definitely felt this way before. There are more than a few people that sometimes I think I'd like to get even with. But I don't act on it for a number of reasons. One, it would be almost impossible to get away with it, so all I'd likely succeed in doing is throwing my own life away. Two, even if I could get away with it, it won't actually solve anything. Attacking my childhood bullies won't magically turn me into a confident person. Committing a violent act against a rich guy isn't going to solve my money problems, nor would the same act against a hyper-macho guy do anything for my romantic problems. Hurting or killing someone isn't going to improve my standing with women. It wouldn't make me more interesting or fun to be with or make up for my lack of substance. It would just cement me once and for all as a loser, like all the shooters on the news. Nobody thinks they are heroes, they didn't get what they wanted in the end, and society got the last laugh over them forever. When I get angry, I remind myself that violence is giving in to frustration and admitting defeat instead of actually doing the work to be a better version of myself, solve my problems, and get what I want out of life. I remind myself that if I snap and hurt someone, then I will definitely lose for good. But as long as I keep trying, maybe there's a chance that things will work out someday. I'd like to think I'm smart enough to know that violence isn't the answer.

Like Rodent said, it's not healthy to be constantly resentful, and I've burnt myself out on this many times. It's exhausting. So I try to remind myself of the good things in my life and keep trying to figure it all out.
 
TheSkaFish said:
I've definitely felt this way before. There are more than a few people that sometimes I think I'd like to get even with. But I don't act on it for a number of reasons. One, it would be almost impossible to get away with it, so all I'd likely succeed in doing is throwing my own life away. Two, even if I could get away with it, it won't actually solve anything. Attacking my childhood bullies won't magically turn me into a confident person. Committing a violent act against a rich guy isn't going to solve my money problems, nor would the same act against a hyper-macho guy do anything for my romantic problems. Hurting or killing someone isn't going to improve my standing with women. It wouldn't make me more interesting or fun to be with or make up for my lack of substance. It would just cement me once and for all as a loser, like all the shooters on the news. Nobody thinks they are heroes, they didn't get what they wanted in the end, and society got the last laugh over them forever. When I get angry, I remind myself that violence is giving in to frustration and admitting defeat instead of actually doing the work to be a better version of myself, solve my problems, and get what I want out of life. I remind myself that if I snap and hurt someone, then I will definitely lose for good. But as long as I keep trying, maybe there's a chance that things will work out someday. I'd like to think I'm smart enough to know that violence isn't the answer.

Like Rodent said, it's not healthy to be constantly resentful, and I've burnt myself out on this many times. It's exhausting. So I try to remind myself of the good things in my life and keep trying to figure it all out.

Unrelated: I think this post is proof you don't lack substance at all.
 
DarkSelene said:
TheSkaFish said:
I've definitely felt this way before.  There are more than a few people that sometimes I think I'd like to get even with.  But I don't act on it for a number of reasons.  One, it would be almost impossible to get away with it, so all I'd likely succeed in doing is throwing my own life away.  Two, even if I could get away with it, it won't actually solve anything.  Attacking my childhood bullies won't magically turn me into a confident person.  Committing a violent act against a rich guy isn't going to solve my money problems, nor would the same act against a hyper-macho guy do anything for my romantic problems.  Hurting or killing someone isn't going to improve my standing with women.  It wouldn't make me more interesting or fun to be with or make up for my lack of substance.  It would just cement me once and for all as a loser, like all the shooters on the news.  Nobody thinks they are heroes, they didn't get what they wanted in the end, and society got the last laugh over them forever.  When I get angry, I remind myself that violence is giving in to frustration and admitting defeat instead of actually doing the work to be a better version of myself, solve my problems, and get what I want out of life.  I remind myself that if I snap and hurt someone, then I will definitely lose for good.  But as long as I keep trying, maybe there's a chance that things will work out someday.  I'd like to think I'm smart enough to know that violence isn't the answer.

Like Rodent said, it's not healthy to be constantly resentful, and I've burnt myself out on this many times.  It's exhausting.  So I try to remind myself of the good things in my life and keep trying to figure it all out.

Unrelated: I think this post is proof you don't lack substance at all.


I meant it more like, I lack depth of character though.  Girls that I liked have noticed me initially and I've been able to talk to them, but I have a hard time maintaining it and taking it to the level I want, getting them to see me as a potential romantic partner.  There's not enough "oomph" to me, so to speak.  I don't think that I'm going for the wrong girls either.  I just have a hard time making a romantic connection, and I think it's because of a combination of low self-esteem/self-image/confidence, issues with anger and complaining, and because I don't have a clear identity.  I spent a long time feeling lost in life, not knowing who I am.  I think I haven't developed a well-rounded and compelling enough personality because I haven't done enough, haven't pursued enough interests or gained enough knowledge and skills because I didn't know what I wanted yet and I thought I lacked the talent to do anything.  

Anyway.  I don't want to side-track too much from the OP's topic either, but thanks for the compliment in any case.
 
I'm afraid I relate to this too well, Gorbachov. I recently made a thread describing in detail the things I went through that pertain to what you mention here and am trying to find ways to deal with anger and hatred towards the world. I often feel the desire to punish people even when they don't intentionally hurt me, because it just seems like the world knows what I want and likes to mock me with it. I feel insulted and violated, and the thought of causing physical harm to someone is always so tempting. But like TheSkaFish said, I know that it won't solve anything. The only thing that's kept me from acting on it is that I'm not very smart or resourceful and I would get in trouble with the law with no chance of escaping. All we can really do in this depraved world is to be the best we can be, and never stop forgiving.
 
Yeah, I frequently experience the same thing. How do I deal with it? Laziness. I will always be too lazy to actually follow up on any of these urges, so I just patiently wait for them to pass. Because they do pass after a while. At least until someone or something prods them again. Repeat cycle.
 
Me too. I manage my urges for revenge by keeping it quite clear to myself that the sinister intentions only ever take place in my own imagination. OK, inside my head is private property, what I think in there is nobody's business but my own. If it's unhealthy to fantasize criminal mayhem, well that's on me and nobody else. However, it's essential that I clearly differentiate between make-believe and reality. Some maniacs blur the two and go on a rampage. Very bad.
 
Tuathaniel said:
Yeah, I frequently experience the same thing. How do I deal with it? Laziness. I will always be too lazy to actually follow up on any of these urges, so I just patiently wait for them to pass. Because they do pass after a while. At least until someone or something prods them again. Repeat cycle.

For me it is quite the opposite. If i stay lazy, which i do nowadays unfortunately - my mind starts to wonder off on its own and that's when the heaviness starts to settle in.
 
Sometimes I think for the sake of your own sanity you should feel entirely justified in abandoning all thought contacted with those who have caused little other than damage to you....you award them a status of non existantance alive or dead and gradually your brain will cease to attempt to resolve the unresovable..
 
sothatwasmylife said:
Sometimes I think for the sake of your own sanity you should feel entirely justified in abandoning all thought connected with those who have caused little other than damage to you....you award them a status of non existantance alive or dead and gradually your brain will cease to attempt to resolve the unresovable..
 
I think that some experiences make a lasting impression and leave unresolved issues which can do a lot of damage: psychologically-speaking they're like traumas in the mind. 

So it's understandable that when someone leaves you feeling frustrated, angry and hurt you would want to exact revenge on them.

Especially so if the communication has gone bad and you're left feeling alone with all these thoughts, which do matter - they matter to yourself - so be very kind and gentle with yourself in order to heal.

If you cannot talk about it with whoever has made you feel this way then the situation is unresolvable and should be approached this way in order to let go of it and move on with your life.  No contact is probably best too.  There's something in my life that's going on right now so I speak from experience.  The situation got to the point where no contact works for me.  I just hope I don't ever have to interact with that person again since they're quite narcissistic and I think I'm rather co-dependent and I don't want to be used again.
 
Kianda said:
I think that some experiences make a lasting impression and leave unresolved issues which can do a lot of damage: psychologically-speaking they're like traumas in the mind. 

So it's understandable that when someone leaves you feeling frustrated, angry and hurt you would want to exact revenge on them.

Especially so if the communication has gone bad and you're left feeling alone with all these thoughts, which do matter - they matter to yourself - so be very kind and gentle with yourself in order to heal.

If you cannot talk about it with whoever has made you feel this way then the situation is unresolvable and should be approached this way in order to let go of it and move on with your life.  No contact is probably best too.  There's something in my life that's going on right now so I speak from experience.  The situation got to the point where no contact works for me.  I just hope I don't ever have to interact with that person again since they're quite narcissistic and I think I'm rather co-dependent and I don't want to be used again.
I've also chosen this route, only time will show how well it will work for me.
 

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