keep meeting new girls - ending failing, no response to text, no follow up with me

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GrayAndLonesome

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Hey fellow ALL people. It's been a while since I last came here to post.

Well, I'm down and depressed because finding a girlfriend has been a challenge for me for the last five months.

I recently moved to another state, far away from home, for a job opportunity.

I was paired up with a girl back in August, with a lady who knows the girl, from one of her friends. Well, if you've read that old thread of mine, she ended up telling me "hey, I'm in interested" in her text message.

Fast forward to about a month ago in mid October, where my mom asked one of her friends here in my area to pair me up with a single girl. That lady happened to know a girl who lives about 20 miles away from me. However, her English skill is not good because she's from Korea. The lady gave me her phone number and we've chatted one the phone, although my Korean language skill is not fluent. To make a long story short, we met up at a coffee shop, chatted for two hours, and then parted ways. I then sent her a text message thanking her for meeting up with me. She responded thanks as well. Three days later, I sent her a message asking how her day was, and bam, no response at all from her! I then called up my mother, who then called the other lady who paired me up with the girl, asking her why she was not responding to my text messages. about six hours later, the girl responds to my text message and told me that she is busy with school her church, etc. A week later, I sent her a text message, and no response. I then assume that she was not interested in me.

I also visited home last month, where my mother also happened to find another girl there for me. This was one of her hair salon clients. I was gung-ho and quite happy that she found someone for me. On the day that we were supposed to meet up with the girl, she did not show up at the promised time. My mom then called the girl up and the girl said that she was sorry and was on her way. This was already 20 minutes past the scheduled/promised time. I was really pissed off, and my opinion of the girl plumetted, because if she was responsible, she would have showed up on time. When the girl came into my mom's shop, she apologized, but to me, I wasn't buying it. She also didn't seem like a talkative person, rather, more the shy person, who didn't even bat an eye at me. Mom told us to go have coffee. So we both walked to a nearby coffee shop to chat for only an hour. The girl then told me that she had to go to meet up with her friend to go to a night concert. She didn't seem too interested in me, and neither was I. So another failure incident with that girl.

Fast forward to now, I have signed up for internet dating sites, such as Match.com and Asianfriendfinder. I have been using match.com for about three weeks. No luck at all. Plus there is a lot of discrimination on dating site, which is why my chances of finding a girl is very very slim.

I only met one girl from Match.com, and she was "thick" and her face was bigger than her snapshop that she had in her profile picture. Asianfriendfinder was full of scam artists from Nigeria, sending me messages, and I could tell they were scam. Even one of them called me on my cell phone, only to have my caller ID tell me the phone number is from Nigeria. LOL! I just recently cancelled my subscription with them.


I don't know guys............ I think I have bad luck, or some kind of honeysuckle written on my forehead, or there must be a bad-luck dating bubble surrounding me, because a lot of my friends, cousins, and sister are married. My sister already popped out her 2nd child this past July.

My friend bryce just had his first child in May.

Me? Sh-t! I'm still single, and really really getting upset.
 
I don't think you have bad luck, I think you have a shitty attitude that sabotages for you. You've been ranting in several posts now about being "discriminated" against on dating sites because you're not white or black, and yet in the very same posts , you're obsessing over a girl who replied to you who was a larger size than you expected.

Looks like you need to calm down, and take a look at how you present yourself on those dating sites. Because if it's anything like the impression you've given here, I can understand the lack of response and the "thick" girl not responding to your message anymore.
 
Tuathaniel said:
I don't think you have bad luck, I think you have a shitty attitude that sabotages for you. You've been ranting in several posts now about being "discriminated" against on dating sites because you're not white or black, and yet in the very same posts , you're obsessing over a girl who replied to you who was a larger size than you expected.

Looks like you need to calm down, and take a look at how you present yourself on those dating sites. Because if it's anything like the impression you've given here, I can understand the lack of response and the "thick" girl not responding to your message anymore.

LOL, wow, so I have read what you have posted earlier, and now you edit what you've said, huh?

You said that the first girl I've met read my shallowness. Such bullshit assumption on your part.

I said that I was shocked that she was thicker than what her profile photo showed. However, I still liked her personality and her views in life. Hence, this is why we set up a second date for a dinner two weeks ago. okay? Because if she thought I was shallow, then we wouldn't have met up again.

However, I was late to that date, due to traffic, and she decided to pay for her own dinner. Little did I know that this was a sign that she wanted to end this,....at least that's what I assume.

NEVER did I tell her that she was obese or thicker. You're just grasping at straws to cut me down.

And you think I need to work on how I present myself on those dating sites? I fill in all of the responses well as well as my hobbies. If I were to change my profile picture to a white male, for example, guarantee that I would get more responses.

You don't know how I feel, so I don't think you should criticize me and jump to conclusions!
 
I'm not trying to cut you down, and trying to give you some ideas about what might be the problem if nobody ever responds to your dating profile. However, if you're dead set on putting yourself in the victim booth, blame "bad luck" or "racism" and not take any responsibility for what happens, then so be it. It won't improve anything, though.

Also, if you don't want people to jump to conclusions, advice or criticize based on what you write in your posts, you should either not post, or be more detailed and specific. Nobody's psychic, and we can't respond to thoughts and feelings you don't put out there.
 
Tuathaniel said:
I'm not trying to cut you down, and trying to give you some ideas about what might be the problem if nobody ever responds to your dating profile. However, if you're dead set on putting yourself in the victim booth, blame "bad luck" or "racism" and not take any responsibility for what happens, then so be it. It won't improve anything, though.

Also, if you don't want people to jump to conclusions, advice or criticize based on what you write in your posts, you should either not post, or be more detailed and specific. Nobody's psychic, and we can't respond to thoughts and feelings you don't put out there.

I never said nobody responded to my messages on dating website. I got three responses. But that is out of the 60 or 70-something messages I have already sent out since starting online dating in middle of October.

I don't know what else I can do to improve my profile. It is what it is. I will not bullshit and lie in my dating profile that I can do woodwork for my hobby, when that's not true. I only like simple things like outdoor hiking, jogging, traveling, etc.

I hate to put myself in the victim booth, but it's true. Asian males are heavily discriminated against in online dating, and even non-online dating because of how poorly the media portrays us. that's a fact which you can Google search online.
 
What about the messages you send out? You say you've sent 60-70 messages in the past month. That's a lot. Do you construct a thoughtful, considerate message every time (if so, I'm impressed), or do you just copy paste some random bullshit? Because let me assure you; women can smell copy pasted mass messages from a mile away, and we are not impressed by them.

Back when I was on a dating site, I would get messages that consisted of just one line, barely even a sentence. Things like "Hey, hows it goin?" or just "Hi" or some boring, standard comment about liking my picture. I never replied to any of those messages (I didn't even look at their pictures or profiles), and I know most girls don't. Basically, if the messages didn't look like some effort had been put into it, showing that the guy had actually read my profile and wrote me because he thought we could be a good match, I'd ignore it. Now, I don't know what kind of messages you've been sending, but if they fall into the category I just described, you might want to consider a more personal and thoughtful approach. Pointing out something you have in common, for instance, is positive. People like having things in common, and it creates a good starting point for a conversation.

The lack of Asian representation in media and culture is something I've noticed myself, and that's something that really needs to change. On that we can agree. However, claiming that all women are brainwashed by media to discriminate against Asian men seems kinda arrogant and resentful. We are thinking beings with the ability to form opinions of our own, you know. There can be a number of reasons you've gotten so few responses, and I honestly think that nothing will improve by clinging to the race discrimination excuse. Whether or not that actually is the reason (though we've already heard from a white guy who hasn't gotten any replies at all, so there's not really any valid data to support that claim), is irrelevant. Because if that were the reason, there wouldn't really be anything you could do about it anyway. So instead, try to look for other potential issues, and focus on improving those instead. 

(And again, just to be clear, I'm not trying to cut you down. Believe it or not, I'm trying to help, and I apologize for my bluntness and harshness. Norwegians are rude and cold people.)
 
Tuathaniel said:
What about the messages you send out? You say you've sent 60-70 messages in the past month. That's a lot. Do you construct a thoughtful, considerate message every time (if so, I'm impressed), or do you just copy paste some random bullshit? Because let me assure you; women can smell copy pasted mass messages from a mile away, and we are not impressed by them.

Back when I was on a dating site, I would get messages that consisted of just one line, barely even a sentence. Things like "Hey, hows it goin?" or just "Hi" or some boring, standard comment about liking my picture. I never replied to any of those messages (I didn't even look at their pictures or profiles), and I know most girls don't. Basically, if the messages didn't look like some effort had been put into it, showing that the guy had actually read my profile and wrote me because he thought we could be a good match, I'd ignore it. Now, I don't know what kind of messages you've been sending, but if they fall into the category I just described, you might want to consider a more personal and thoughtful approach. Pointing out something you have in common, for instance, is positive. People like having things in common, and it creates a good starting point for a conversation.

The lack of Asian representation in media and culture is something I've noticed myself, and that's something that really needs to change. On that we can agree. However, claiming that all women are brainwashed by media to discriminate against Asian men seems kinda arrogant and resentful. We are thinking beings with the ability to form opinions of our own, you know. There can be a number of reasons you've gotten so few responses, and I honestly think that nothing will improve by clinging to the race discrimination excuse. Whether or not that actually is the reason (though we've already heard from a white guy who hasn't gotten any replies at all, so there's not really any valid data to support that claim), is irrelevant. Because if that were the reason, there wouldn't really be anything you could do about it anyway. So instead, try to look for other potential issues, and focus on improving those instead. 

(And again, just to be clear, I'm not trying to cut you down. Believe it or not, I'm trying to help, and I apologize for my bluntness and harshness. Norwegians are rude and cold people.)
If we're talking about U.S media then the level of representation of Asians is probably not that far off relative to their population size to be honest.
 
GrayAndLonesome said:
Tuathaniel said:
I'm not trying to cut you down, and trying to give you some ideas about what might be the problem if nobody ever responds to your dating profile. However, if you're dead set on putting yourself in the victim booth, blame "bad luck" or "racism" and not take any responsibility for what happens, then so be it. It won't improve anything, though.

Also, if you don't want people to jump to conclusions, advice or criticize based on what you write in your posts, you should either not post, or be more detailed and specific. Nobody's psychic, and we can't respond to thoughts and feelings you don't put out there.

I never said nobody responded to my messages on dating website. I got three responses. But that is out of the 60 or 70-something messages I have already sent out since starting online dating in middle of October.

I don't know what else I can do to improve my profile. It is what it is. I will not bullshit and lie in my dating profile that I can do woodwork for my hobby, when that's not true. I only like simple things like outdoor hiking, jogging, traveling, etc.

I hate to put myself in the victim booth, but it's true. Asian males are heavily discriminated against in online dating, and even non-online dating because of how poorly the media portrays us. that's a fact which you can Google search online.
"My only luck was receiving a response from one female member. Well, I thought I was going to meet a nice chick and after exchanging email messages for a while, we finally decided on meeting up for coffee."
You wrote that last night. Does your above post mean you received two more replies? If so, I'd say you're doing pretty well as far as responses. Right? :)
 
Not really related but I made a bad impression today to two girls I just knew. FML.
 
GrayAndLonesome said:
I never said nobody responded to my messages on dating website. I got three responses. But that is out of the 60 or 70-something messages I have already sent out since starting online dating in middle of October.

I don't know what else I can do to improve my profile. It is what it is. I will not bullshit and lie in my dating profile that I can do woodwork for my hobby, when that's not true. I only like simple things like outdoor hiking, jogging, traveling, etc.

I hate to put myself in the victim booth, but it's true. Asian males are heavily discriminated against in online dating, and even non-online dating because of how poorly the media portrays us. that's a fact which you can Google search online.

Ok, so I hate to ask this obvious question - what about meeting women in the flesh ? How about expanding your horizons ?

What about things like Meetup ? Book clubs or other kinds of common interest groups ? Speed dating events ?

Are you interested in dating within your ethnic group ? I know for a fact that there are Asian singles groups in LA, for instance (just an example). What about where you live ?
 
Tuathaniel said:
What about the messages you send out? You say you've sent 60-70 messages in the past month. That's a lot. Do you construct a thoughtful, considerate message every time (if so, I'm impressed), or do you just copy paste some random bullshit? Because let me assure you; women can smell copy pasted mass messages from a mile away, and we are not impressed by them.

Back when I was on a dating site, I would get messages that consisted of just one line, barely even a sentence. Things like "Hey, hows it goin?" or just "Hi" or some boring, standard comment about liking my picture. I never replied to any of those messages (I didn't even look at their pictures or profiles), and I know most girls don't. Basically, if the messages didn't look like some effort had been put into it, showing that the guy had actually read my profile and wrote me because he thought we could be a good match, I'd ignore it. Now, I don't know what kind of messages you've been sending, but if they fall into the category I just described, you might want to consider a more personal and thoughtful approach. Pointing out something you have in common, for instance, is positive. People like having things in common, and it creates a good starting point for a conversation.

Yeah, I know what you mean when it comes to sending out messages on these dating sites.

In fact, it's funny, because when I first started internet dating (this was a couple of years ago, and then I quit, and re-started recently), I would only say "Hi, how is your day going?"

Now, I'm totally different.

I greet the person, and give the person my name. I then tell the person that I'm new to the area because I have been only living here for only seven months. I then talk about my hobbies and what I am looking for in terms of a romantic relationship.

I then end my messages of with a "I hope to hear from you, have a nice day."

So currently, I would think that my messages to the females on these dating sites are good/decent, with enough information for an intro, and succinct. Not too short, and not toooo super duper long. :)
 
EveWasFramed said:
"My only luck was receiving a response from one female member. Well, I thought I was going to meet a nice chick and after exchanging email messages for a while, we finally decided on meeting up for coffee."
You wrote that last night. Does your above post mean you received two more replies? If so, I'd say you're doing pretty well as far as responses. Right? :)

That response from that girl was the first response I ever got from match.com dating website.

After sending numerous messages back and forth, she finally gave me her email address, and it turned out that she was a legitimate person.

I am wary because certain other dating websites have a lot of Nigerian scammers.

Anyhow, we sent messages through personal email rather than the dating website email messaging system. We then mustered up the courage to give each other our ph #'s. then we had coffee together almost 3 weeks ago. I thought are first date/meeting went well, so I texted her that day, thanking her for stopping by the coffee shop (although I was upset that she already paid for her own coffee when it's usually us guys who pay for the first drinks).

I then was interested in some of the restaurants in my area, so I texted her the following Monday to have dinner together. We agreed on a place and time.

That day came, and we had dinner together. But when it came to the bill, she was quick and told the waitress to split our bill. Basically, like the last time with coffee, she paid for her own dinner, and I paid for my own. I was going to pay for all of our dinner meal.

little did I know that was a sign that she wanted to end our relationship.

After dinner, we went walking along the roadway, where she pointed out local art museums to me, talked about a local glass artist and his glass art works ,etc.

I then asked her if she wanted to continue on to have coffee. So said no, because it was a Friday night, and she had a long day at work.

I didn't send her a text that night. I sent her a text message the following Monday, asking how was her weekend, and how she was doing?

NO response at all. I then realize that she wasn't interested in me, and quite frankly, she's a little thicker than I've expected, so I am guessing that the Lord has someone special in mind for me.

I guess I still have to play the waiting game and still find my significant other.
 
Somnambulist said:
Ok, so I hate to ask this obvious question - what about meeting women in the flesh ? How about expanding your horizons ?

What about things like Meetup ? Book clubs or other kinds of common interest groups ? Speed dating events ?

Are you interested in dating within your ethnic group ? I know for a fact that there are Asian singles groups in LA, for instance (just an example). What about where you live ?


I am glad that you've brought those things up, somnambulist.

In fact, I was going to post a thread about Meetup.com events.

I will be vague and tell you that I live in the Pacific Northwest region. Moved here 7 months ago from sunny Hawaii. It's different weather too. LOL!

Quite frankly, meetup.com in my area do NOT work at all! I have been to singles events hosted by these meetup.com events, and a lot of the ladies were OLDER ladies in their late 40s, 50s, 60s....I kid you not!!! They were old enough to my my mother! !!

I have also been to other meetup events, such as singles events, and the ladies either already have one child and were divorced, or women who were older than me. I'm in my early 30s, and shucks, unfortunately many of them were in their 40s, 50s. NONE were even in their 30's!

I also have been to many churches (Korean Christian churches that is) in my area, since I have moved here seven months ago. I have been church hoping around, because I couldn't find a potential girl. I actually wanted to hook up with one, but she was planning on going back to Korea after she was finished with college. So I scratched her off my list. I then went to another church, and I didn't fit in that well, because I am not that fluent in Korean, and couldn't understand much of the pastor's sermon. So I quit going there, and am now at my 4th church.

Other than that, I have not tried the bar scenes. But in my area, it's predominantly white/caucasian and it's conservative area. So I would have to drive an hour to a nearby city for bar scenes.

I have also done TWO speed dating events that is a one-hour drive away from my town. I thought I had some connections with a few of the girls. But none of them were interested in me. Phoeey.
 
EveWasFramed said:
Xpendable said:
Not really related but I made a bad impression today to two girls I just knew. FML.

What happened, X?

had to play and I messed up some notes. it was just rehearsal but there's was at least 10 people there. After that we stayed there and there was conversation but I got lost in the backgroud as always. Just looked very awkward at first, then I was totally forgotten.
 
Paraiyar said:
If we're talking about U.S media then the level of representation of Asians is probably not that far off relative to their population size to be honest.

Well, the representation of Asians in the media is negative, especially males, which contributes to my misfortunes of not finding a girlfriend, here in the US.  Just watch hollywood crap movies and you usually see us as nerds, asexual, or on the other hand, violent people, etc. If not, the Asian male is replaced with a white male. I'm just saying it like it is, Paraiyar.
 
Tuathaniel said:
What about the messages you send out? You say you've sent 60-70 messages in the past month. That's a lot. Do you construct a thoughtful, considerate message every time (if so, I'm impressed), or do you just copy paste some random bullshit? Because let me assure you; women can smell copy pasted mass messages from a mile away, and we are not impressed by them.

Back when I was on a dating site, I would get messages that consisted of just one line, barely even a sentence. Things like "Hey, hows it goin?" or just "Hi" or some boring, standard comment about liking my picture. I never replied to any of those messages (I didn't even look at their pictures or profiles), and I know most girls don't. Basically, if the messages didn't look like some effort had been put into it, showing that the guy had actually read my profile and wrote me because he thought we could be a good match, I'd ignore it. Now, I don't know what kind of messages you've been sending, but if they fall into the category I just described, you might want to consider a more personal and thoughtful approach. Pointing out something you have in common, for instance, is positive. People like having things in common, and it creates a good starting point for a conversation.
^^ In my messages that I send out to  women on those dating sites, I greet them, I give them my name, and tell them what I do for a living, why I moved to my current area, and list some of my hobbies.

None of my messages are the boring type of messages. It's usually a medium-sized message like I've said, consisting of my name, my hometown, my job, what I like to do on my free time (hobbies), and what my future goals area.

Unfortunately, due to a high presence of discriminatory mentality when it comes to online dating, or heck, any form of dating, I get no response based on my sex and my race. It's a fact.
 
GrayAndLonesome said:
Somnambulist said:
Ok, so I hate to ask this obvious question - what about meeting women in the flesh ? How about expanding your horizons ?

What about things like Meetup ? Book clubs or other kinds of common interest groups ? Speed dating events ?

Are you interested in dating within your ethnic group ? I know for a fact that there are Asian singles groups in LA, for instance (just an example). What about where you live ?


I am glad that you've brought those things up, somnambulist.

In fact, I was going to post a thread about Meetup.com events.

I will be vague and tell you that I live in the Pacific Northwest region. Moved here 7 months ago from sunny Hawaii. It's different weather too. LOL!

Quite frankly, meetup.com in my area do NOT work at all! I have been to singles events hosted by these meetup.com events, and a lot of the ladies were OLDER ladies in their late 40s, 50s, 60s....I kid you not!!! They were old enough to my my mother! !!

I have also been to other meetup events, such as singles events, and the ladies either already have one child and were divorced, or women who were older than me. I'm in my early 30s, and shucks, unfortunately many of them were in their 40s, 50s. NONE were even in their 30's!

I also have been to many churches (Korean Christian churches that is) in my area, since I have moved here seven months ago. I have been church hoping around, because I couldn't find a potential girl. I actually wanted to hook up with one, but she was planning on going back to Korea after she was finished with college. So I scratched her off my list. I then went to another church, and I didn't fit in that well, because I am not that fluent in Korean, and couldn't understand much of the pastor's sermon. So I quit going there, and am now at my 4th church.

Other than that, I have not tried the bar scenes. But in my area, it's predominantly white/caucasian and it's conservative area. So I would have to drive an hour to a nearby city for bar scenes.

I have also done TWO speed dating events that is a one-hour drive away from my town. I thought I had some connections with a few of the girls. But none of them were interested in me. Phoeey.

Yeah, I understand. I had a similar experience with Meetup singles events - women in their 50s and 60s !

But, I want to recommend an alternative approach - an indirect one. Maybe you're going about this too directly. I dated several women I met through Meetup hikes, meditation classes, and other types of events not at all related to dating ... really.

Meeting people through other non-dating activities is a great way to go about it, because the enormous pressure is not there, you can really get to know people in the flesh, and take your time asking someone out, if there's chemistry. Plus, if you make friends, which you should, you will begin to build a network ... think parties, holding wine glasses, talking to people, getting contact info, more parties, more people, and so on ... it's a great way to plant seeds and increase your odds.

You can continue with your online pursuits, but do this on the side !

Meeting people in the flesh is way different from and better than seeing a profile on a web page. If there's chemistry, the girl won't care if you're black, brown, Asian, or Martian. Trust me on this !
 
GrayAndLonesome said:
Tuathaniel said:
What about the messages you send out? You say you've sent 60-70 messages in the past month. That's a lot. Do you construct a thoughtful, considerate message every time (if so, I'm impressed), or do you just copy paste some random bullshit? Because let me assure you; women can smell copy pasted mass messages from a mile away, and we are not impressed by them.

Back when I was on a dating site, I would get messages that consisted of just one line, barely even a sentence. Things like "Hey, hows it goin?" or just "Hi" or some boring, standard comment about liking my picture. I never replied to any of those messages (I didn't even look at their pictures or profiles), and I know most girls don't. Basically, if the messages didn't look like some effort had been put into it, showing that the guy had actually read my profile and wrote me because he thought we could be a good match, I'd ignore it. Now, I don't know what kind of messages you've been sending, but if they fall into the category I just described, you might want to consider a more personal and thoughtful approach. Pointing out something you have in common, for instance, is positive. People like having things in common, and it creates a good starting point for a conversation.
^^ In my messages that I send out to  women on those dating sites, I greet them, I give them my name, and tell them what I do for a living, why I moved to my current area, and list some of my hobbies.

None of my messages are the boring type of messages. It's usually a medium-sized message like I've said, consisting of my name, my hometown, my job, what I like to do on my free time (hobbies), and what my future goals area.

Unfortunately, due to a high presence of discriminatory mentality when it comes to online dating, or heck, any form of dating, I get no response based on my sex and my race. It's a fact.

You get no responses based on your sex?? 
So you're suggesting that women don't respond to you because you're a MAN??
Lol
 

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