What if things never get better?

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TheAnxiousPain

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I'm 24 (as I stated in many other threads), and I'm working 2 full time jobs, saving money. But I feel like what if I never get my life together. 

I feel like my family have so much power, I feel like if I save up my money like I've been doing and then move out of state. I just feel like they will find a way to hinder this. I'm freaking out and it's bugging me out. I can't imagine a life without control... it would seem wrong to wake up, chase my dreams, feel great about myself, allow people to like me, and socialize and have fun. I've always been in a shell for my family. So if I do this, they might get angry and find a way to destroy me.

I get in a mood of feeling excited and motivated for the future, then it crashes down.

Ever get anxious by the "what ifs". ????
 
TheAnxiousPain said:
Ever get anxious by the "what ifs". ????

All the time. I'm 34 and I still haven't gotten my life together. I chose the wrong study back in my younger university days, and got stuck with a profession I hate. Now I have a part time job that I despise while trying to study something else and get a new degree, so that I might qualify for a job I'll be happy with. Provided I actually pass all my exams (and that's a big if, because I'm struggling with some of my courses), I won't be done until June 2019.

I go through my loop of "what ifs" every day, and not just about my studies and profession, but for a lot of other things as well. This kind of insecurity and anxiety is quite normal for people with depression. It's okay to have them, but don't let them stop you from doing whatever you can to achieve your goals. Acknowledge that they're there, and stay on course. 

What helps me, is that I make backup plans. I have a plan B in case I fail my exams this December. And a plan C and a plan D, in case those don't work out either. But I put all my efforts into plan A, for now. So try making plans for how you'll handle the situation if in fact your family does try to sabotage for you. Think of how they might go about doing that, and make plans for how you can avoid it or bypass it. What will they have to actually do, in order to screw up your plans? What can you do to stop it?
 
I'm 25 and I feel like while I've accomplished a lot this year, I'm still reaching the point where I'm on the knife's edge regarding whether I'll succeed in steering my life in the right direction or not. I've got my recruitment test for the New Zealand Navy on the 6th and I really need this to workout for me. It's something I wouldn't have dreamed of doing at the start of this year but I guess my quarter life crisis has yielded some interesting results.
 
If you are working and making your own money and can be self sufficient , i am not sure what is stopping you? Go live your life how you want to live your life. Maybe some of your family won't like it but so what? If they don't pay your bills, they dont' get a vote. Yeah, in life, sometimes people are disappointed or don't agree with how your live your life or what you do or whatever. So what? And, you talk in catastrophic terms. They are going to "destroy you"? Really how? Isn't tha being a bit melodramatic to your own detriment? Think about it.
 
Are you the family scapegoat? 

If so, they won't like it when you leave - if they find out your intention before you go they'll probably try to talk you out of it.

It sounds like you're ready to leave though, and I wish you all the best in claiming your independence
smile.gif
 
I'm....not 24 and I'm working on getting my life back together. I'm made a lot of progress, but there will always be ways to improve. I can't say I never get anxious, but if I don't do something, who will?

How is the prospect of moving looking? If you're living with your parents, why can't you just get a place of your own now and then you'll be away from their "control."
 
TheAnxiousPain said:
I'm 24 (as I stated in many other threads), and I'm working 2 full time jobs, saving money. But I feel like what if I never get my life together. 

I feel like my family have so much power, I feel like if I save up my money like I've been doing and then move out of state. I just feel like they will find a way to hinder this. I'm freaking out and it's bugging me out. I can't imagine a life without control... it would seem wrong to wake up, chase my dreams, feel great about myself, allow people to like me, and socialize and have fun. I've always been in a shell for my family. So if I do this, they might get angry and find a way to destroy me.

I get in a mood of feeling excited and motivated for the future, then it crashes down.

Ever get anxious by the "what ifs". ????

As a guy a few decades older than you are, I'd say that if you don't trust yourself now to take the risks to get your life together, eventually you're gonna run out of time.  And those "what ifs" have a whole different feel when you're looking back at chances not taken, and it's a bad feeling.  Twenty four is a young age and there's a lot that's still possible for you, so take the control into your own hands now.
 
Kinda in a similar situation, I am afraid I don't have any advice. My thought is that even if failure comes after all I have done, then at least I would know that I did all I could and the result isn't caused by laziness and lack of persistence. What other option do we have beside doing our best to eventually move out and live independent? There is certain failure if we do not try but probable change for better if we put all we have got in pursuing our goals and dreams.

I love these words by Hemingway in The Old Man and the Sea because my thoughts are the same:

“But, he thought, I keep them with precision. Only I have no luck anymore. But who knows? Maybe today. Every day is a new day. It is better to be lucky. But I would rather be exact. Then when luck comes you are ready.” :)
 
TheAnxiousPain said:
I'm 24 (as I stated in many other threads), and I'm working 2 full time jobs, saving money. But I feel like what if I never get my life together. 

I feel like my family have so much power, I feel like if I save up my money like I've been doing and then move out of state. I just feel like they will find a way to hinder this. I'm freaking out and it's bugging me out. I can't imagine a life without control... it would seem wrong to wake up, chase my dreams, feel great about myself, allow people to like me, and socialize and have fun. I've always been in a shell for my family. So if I do this, they might get angry and find a way to destroy me.

I get in a mood of feeling excited and motivated for the future, then it crashes down.

Ever get anxious by the "what ifs". ????
Here is the worst "What IF?": What if you continue living with your family? From what you are saying, that sounds like the worst that could possibly happen, if they've abused you your entire life. They will not change. You are able to change your environment. And yes, you have every right to have dreams and pursue them! No place for guilt here! Once you move away, it will take you some time to let go of all accumulated fears and memories. Admittedly, some will never disappear. But those lasting memories will serve you as guards if you get tempted to join a similar type of a family, just because that is what you know the best right now. Pursue relationships that you deeply believe you deserve. Loving, caring, whatever YOU want. You will be the one in control. It's tough at first, but remember what urged you to get away on your own in the first place. Then you will build your life step by step. What ifs are fine, we all have them, bur at some point you have to let go of these mental barriers. Because that's all they are. Best of everything to you!
 
Tuathaniel said:
TheAnxiousPain said:
Ever get anxious by the "what ifs". ????

All the time. I'm 34 and I still haven't gotten my life together. I chose the wrong study back in my younger university days, and got stuck with a profession I hate. Now I have a part time job that I despise while trying to study something else and get a new degree, so that I might qualify for a job I'll be happy with. Provided I actually pass all my exams (and that's a big if, because I'm struggling with some of my courses), I won't be done until June 2019.

I go through my loop of "what ifs" every day, and not just about my studies and profession, but for a lot of other things as well. This kind of insecurity and anxiety is quite normal for people with depression. It's okay to have them, but don't let them stop you from doing whatever you can to achieve your goals. Acknowledge that they're there, and stay on course. 

What helps me, is that I make backup plans. I have a plan B in case I fail my exams this December. And a plan C and a plan D, in case those don't work out either. But I put all my efforts into plan A, for now. So try making plans for how you'll handle the situation if in fact your family does try to sabotage for you. Think of how they might go about doing that, and make plans for how you can avoid it or bypass it. What will they have to actually do, in order to screw up your plans? What can you do to stop it?
And at 24, do you really need to keep your family fully informed of your plans? It's your business, your life.
 

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