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I hate myself
(11-29-2016, 08:23 AM)Tuathaniel Wrote: I understand where you're coming from. I really do. I hate myself too. So much. I have a mental list of every mistake I've ever made, and the consequences of those mistakes that I have to live with, and I hate, despise and loathe myself every day because of them. (Latest mistake: After nearly a decade of avoiding the dentist and not taking proper care of my teeth (too depressed to care), I had to say goodbye to my 5th tooth from the front today. Half of it broke off last night, and the remains couldn't be saved. Now you can just about see the hole if I smile. I'll be hating myself for a long time over this one.)

Also, I got my first boyfriend last year, almost 20 years behind most "normal" (what is normal anyway? Who gets to make those rules?) people. However, it's been worth the wait. Finally finding someone who understands me (most of the time, when I'm not being too depressed and loopy) and loves me just as I am, does indeed help, even if it came late in life. He tries to convince me every day that I shouldn't hate myself, that I don't deserve it. Perhaps one day I'll believe him. But that is not this day.

 Thanks for the reply. I do the same thing, while I have mistakes that I regret, most of the time it's social faux pas that I obsess over. As for the dentist thing, I would worry too much, I myself have avoided the dentist because I hate going and I couldn't afford to go. In the end I had to spend over $1000 to get my teeth fixed. Just curious you said you go your first boyfriend how old are you if you don't mind me asking? 

After 7 years I decided to go into counselling again. I figure maybe this time it will work.
I don't mind you asking. Smile I'm 34 now, was 33 last year when we got together.

Going back to counseling sounds like a good idea. People change, and it might work for you today even if it didn't 7 years ago. I've also noticed that some counselors click better with you than others, and if you have the "wrong" counselor, it probably won't help as much as it otherwise would.
* * *  If I sound bitter, it's because I am   * * * 
(12-01-2016, 02:48 AM)Tuathaniel Wrote: I'm 34 now, was 33 last year when we got together.

Oooooooh... I'm 33. It could happen for me too ! Is this my magic year ? Big Grin
(12-01-2016, 08:18 AM)Somnambulist Wrote:
(12-01-2016, 02:48 AM)Tuathaniel Wrote: I'm 34 now, was 33 last year when we got together.

Oooooooh... I'm 33. It could happen for me too ! Is this my magic year ? Big Grin

Never give up! Never surrender!
* * *  If I sound bitter, it's because I am   * * * 
So many awesome replies here! Yes, congrats on losing all that weight! In the nursing part of my life, I have patients that have tried it unsuccessfully and I have even more patients that have never tried and will never try to lose any weight! So thumbs up for you many, many times! This requires self-motivation, perseverance and discipline, so clearly you possess these three qualities that are so imperative to success! If you have been successful with your weight loss, do you really think you cannot succeed elsewhere? Yes, it can be exhausting to succeed in one area sometimes, but then once you do, don't take this success for granted all of a sudden Smile. You put the effort, so there is nothing wrong in allowing yourself to be proud, just as Tuathaniel says. When it comes to self-love, I tend to agree with Somnambulist about getting to know yourself being the more useful idea. I personally find nothing wrong with self love though. I think that the self-love encouragement from so many directions comes due to the fact that there is such an epidemic of insecurity out there, and yes, much of it is from the media propaganda on "ideal" lifestyles. The self-love advocates are just trying to do something opposite to self-hate and it does indeed create a black and white type of mindset even though that is hardly what they meant. But it is so easy to misunderstand and misinterpret things. Shades of gray come into place when you get to willingly know yourself. Once you know yourself and accept what you know, you will modify the aspects where you want to see a difference. 39 is nothing for a man! In so many cases, mother Nature is so much nicer to you guys than it is to us women, really. So for you to despair because you are 39, please don't! Set up goals. Ask yourself what you really want to do that you love, so you can build your life based on that. Partners can be hard to find for a variety of reasons that you will have to clarify for yourself. You could have been insecure due to image, or not knowing what you want in a partner, or being too demanding, or in need to learn more about relationships, mutual compromise, communication, etc. Young people get into relationships oftentimes thinking it is simple but it is not simple. Especially in today's reality of multiple choices, grass is always greener syndrome, women being more self-reliant and therefore more choosing, same with men, but most importantly: most people will have  a very hard time to pinpoint what they want from their partners in order to be in a happy relationship. Precisely because of so many distorted ideas about happiness out there.

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