Painfully insecure to the point of avoiding people and places

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Restless soul

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I am so insecure and so easlyeasly affected by what people said in the past that If I know where they are I would avoid that place. If I see them coming down the street I would go in the opposite direction and hope they did not see me.

What does one do for this?? It can be debilitating.
 
I'm more likely to walk by them and give them my brightest smile.
 
You need to try and change your behavior, you don't need to talk to these people if you don't want to, don't even need to greet them, go about your life, it's not healthy for you to be preoccupied with such matters, before you know it you'll be looking over your shoulder and into streets just to see if it's "safe" for you to go there, don't do it to yourself and don't give them the satisfaction.

I used to do something similar, mostly in the supermarket, keeppushing yourself and it will get easier,and might even become normal, I now don't even think about it anymore..
 
MisterLonely said:
You need to try and change your behavior, you don't need to talk to these people if you don't want to, don't even need to greet them, go about your life, it's not healthy for you to be preoccupied with such matters, before you know it you'll be looking over your shoulder and into streets just to see if it's "safe" for you to go there, don't do it to yourself and don't give them the satisfaction.

I used to do something similar, mostly in the supermarket, keeppushing yourself and it will get easier,and might even become normal, I now don't even think about it anymore..
I know it. I am affraid its might be an ocd issue at this point.
It's not that I am worried about talking about them. Its the sight of them. That triggers a memory. Negative thoughts. That is where the avoidance comes into play
 
That does change things a bit, i'm no expert at these matters but I'd think you'll need to deal with the memories, put them behind you and free your mind of them so you can focus on whats ahead of you instead of the past, are youavoiding them because the bad thought might case you, to do something you'll regret, either by snapping out at someone or even getting violent, or are you worried that will happen to you?

If we try to go back to the "true cause" of your avoidence issues, by that I mean the memories triggered by the sight of these people, what do you think will help you put this behind you and close of that part of your past?
 
There are no pills, home remedies, or snap-out-of-it solutions for this, pal.

Your insecurities run deep. Therapy works for some people ... have you tried it ? Others have to figure it out on their own.

I doubt you're going to find any solutions here. Pep talk and support, perhaps.
 
Believe me buddy, I understand how you feel! :(

I think you need to convince yourself, that you need to get over it. It's a little like facing your fears, though this is a very controversial remark these days, and is now seen in a negative light. I want to convey the message of toughing yourself up, man up! You gotta be more selfish! What's happened has happened, whatever. Past is past and I need to move on!

I can assure you that if you try you best to change your mindset towards this these insecurities will most certainly be less impactful! Best wishes!
 
Somnambulist said:
There are no pills, home remedies, or snap-out-of-it solutions for this, pal.

Your insecurities run deep. Therapy works for some people ... have you tried it ? Others have to figure it out on their own.

I doubt you're going to find any solutions here. Pep talk and support, perhaps.

My brother would disagree with you on that. About the meds that is. But I am with you
 
Somnambulist said:
There are no pills, home remedies, or snap-out-of-it solutions for this, pal.

Your insecurities run deep. Therapy works for some people ... have you tried it ? Others have to figure it out on their own.

I doubt you're going to find any solutions here. Pep talk and support, perhaps.
Support,  and pep talk can do wonders. Important to have an outlet like this. You seem pretty knowledgeable as well as others
 
MisterLonely said:
That does change things a bit, i'm no expert at these matters but I'd think you'll need to deal with the memories, put them behind you and free your mind of them so you can focus on whats ahead of you instead of the past, are youavoiding them because the bad thought might case you,  to do something you'll regret, either by snapping out at someone or even getting violent, or are you worried that will happen to you?
Funny you should say that because I felt like doing that just moments ago, sitting in starbucks listening  two this guy and girl  (teens) prattle on for what felt like ever. and there I am sitting alone like usual staring into my effing phone. Without a soul to talk to. I wanted to stab them with a broken wooden stirrer and then lodge the stirrer into my eardrums
 
I think what you do is just face your fears. Yes, the world seems full of confident people. And, maybe there are indeed some very confident people. But, i think that a lot of people have fears. And, so what? You just "do it afraid". If i would have let fear hold me back in life, i would never have accomplished anything. There is nothing wrong with sweaty palms and your heart beating fast. Those who are so cocky in life honestly are some of the dumbest people i have ever met. Ignorance is bliss. Real people with smarts do have some fears.
You don't have to be who you are not. You don't have to go up to someone and pretend they are your best friend or anything like that. Instead, just go about living your life. If you run into someone, just look them in the eye, smile and say Hello and keep going. That's it.
 
You need to start developing mental strength. Running is a good way to do this if you don't already and so is strength training. That advice gets given a lot but I stand by it.
 
Paraiyar said:
You need to start developing mental strength. Running is a good way to do this if you don't already and so is strength training. That advice gets given a lot but I stand by it.

Makes some sense. Physically I can improve. But wondering if that will make me impervious to what people say. And said. And facing them not running away like some frightened cat.
Which is literally what I do. Quite sad and pathetic
 
Strength training (weightlifting), in many ways, has saved my life. It is the one thing that has provided effective and consistent relief from depression, anxiety, and insomnia, among other things like low self-esteem.

It can really help make you feel better about yourself. It's benefits, both short-term and long-term, are hard to quantify.

It's not going to help you overcome your past, but I highly recommend it anyway.
 
I can see working out helping me to an extent. Outward physical apperance. Sure. Would help feel better too. Then comes. The headache of gym fees, obnoxious guys in gym. Comparing to others in gym.
 
Would be great if I had someone to go with or a laid back place that was free or reasonably priced
 
Restless soul said:
I can see working out helping me to an extent. Outward physical apperance. Sure. Would help feel better too. Then comes. The headache of gym fees, obnoxious guys in gym. Comparing to others in gym.

You just have to be able to block those things out because you don't want to hold you back from self-improvement. Plus I find the majority of people in my gym are fine but maybe New Zealand (where I'm from) is different.
 

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