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Why
#1
Why, if I am a nice guy, why am I kpt away from love? Why are the people who are the nastiest to me for no reason whatsoever, are able to have boyfriends, girlfriends, etc? I don't want to turn into a bastard just to have love in my life. 

As you guys know, I work with people who would talk behind my back, and point out all my errors, ( I've only been there for 4 months). The ringleader is able to chew me out for no reason, but, she's able to find love, lay up in a bed with some guy, and I have to go home alone, and deal with the emptiness.
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#2
It's a false correlation that having relationships or not is due to how nice you are, and that if you're nice and failing it's because you're nice.

Workplaces can be very cliquey crowds, and even when they're adults they can act like high school kids. I've had the same experience in retail where the ones who got along best with the managers were able to have their cellphones out for short periods, or socialize and push their tasks on others.

Only thing I've ever done is keep my head down and focus on the paycheck.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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#3
I've thought about this myself, also thought about becoming a "bad guy", but I just can't do something like that because I am a sensetive/nice guy eventhough I can be quite hard and uncomprimising when I need to be.

It's something about the "alpha" male behavioral patterns that atracts females, and opens up posibilities in al walks of life (social/career), it all boils down to confidence I guess, assholes off all kinds have confidence and most nice guys do not... so even if there realy aren't any more "true" assholes out there then there are nice guys, the assholes have more exposure and thus a better chance at finding a partner.
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#4
Cant you be an alpha male and be a nice person also?
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#5
Trust me, I'm all about keeping my head down, and collecting the paycheck. I work in an office where everyone is either married , married with children ,or in a relationship living together. I don't have anything in common, because I do go home alone, I can't get a date to save my life.

When I was younger, and thinner, I was an alpha male, headstrong. My parents told me to tone it down, so I went totally left to suckersville.
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#6
(12-02-2016, 08:26 AM)Holden76 Wrote: Trust me, I'm all about keeping my head down, and collecting the paycheck. I work in an office where everyone is either married , married with children ,or in a relationship  living together. I don't have anything in common, because I do go home alone, I can't get a date to save my life.

When I was younger, and thinner, I was an alpha male, headstrong. My parents told me to tone it down, so I went totally left to suckersville.

Like someone mentioned, cliques are your nemesis. And, they are everywhere, including on this forum. They are as certain as death and taxes.

In the presence of a clique, someone who stands out in any way, actually becomes invisible. The mainstream thinking dominates, and stragglers get left behind.

Sorry, pal, but you (like me) are fighting tough odds. That's the bottom line.

I hate to ask the obvious question - what about online dating for gay men ?
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#7
(12-02-2016, 06:12 AM)Tealeaf Wrote: It's a false correlation that having relationships or not is due to how nice you are, and that if you're nice and failing it's because you're nice.

+10! 

The one thing that most assholes have in common (in addition to being assholes) is that they usually display confidence. They're assertive. It may be a fake confidence, but they make it look like they're in total control. They go for what they want, because they don't care about consequences, and they don't care who may or may not get hurt by it. 

Nice people, however, are usually more considerate. This can make them appear less confident, at least when compared to an asshole. Being nice often means that you don't go for what you want, because they don't want to step on anyone's toes. Also, for many, this stereotype about "nice guys finish last" probably doesn't help their confidence either, which makes it even harder to actually do something about those feelings they're having for someone. 

Sometimes the nice people just need to be a little more selfish, without going full douche bag. That is actually possible. Because in my experience, it's not the not-being-nice part that attracts people, but the confidence and assertiveness that often comes from that same group. Also, in my experience, nothing is more attractive than a confident and assertive, yet genuinely nice and good hearted person. 

And yes, of course, there are those who just have a thing for assholes. Sucks to be them, I say, because they will never know what it's like to be in a loving and caring relationship. And as far as I've noticed, these people are a minority. Most people really do prefer someone nice. So please don't turn into a bastard just because you think that'll improve your chances at love, because it won't. Instead, try turning up the confidence, even though I know that can be insanely difficult.
* * *  If I sound bitter, it's because I am   * * * 
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#8
(12-02-2016, 06:09 AM)Holden76 Wrote: Why, if I am a nice guy, why am I kpt away from love? Why are the people who are the nastiest to me for no reason whatsoever, are able to have boyfriends, girlfriends, etc? I don't want to turn into a bastard just to have love in my life. 

As you guys know, I work with people who would talk behind my back, and point out all my errors, ( I've only been there for 4 months). The ringleader is able to chew me out for no reason, but, she's able to find love, lay up in a bed with some guy, and I have to go home alone, and deal with the emptiness.

Situations like that are why I have this username.... because it's true. Sad
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#9
(12-02-2016, 03:18 PM)niceguysfinishlast Wrote: Situations like that are why I have this username.... because it's true. Sad

No, it's not.
* * *  If I sound bitter, it's because I am   * * * 
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#10
+1 be a nice guy first it won't stop you achieving your goals. Just some people out there who would like to see you fail. They call them haters or something don't they?
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