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#11
i really asked this question to myself multiple times. Parents (especially mother) teach us to be good , but when we start to grow up this kind of "nice guy" behavior isn't helping but people are taking advantage of that and think you're a fool... i hate to say it but im a nice guy and i want to change that , to the point when i can balance to STEP UP when i need to be strong , and be nice when it's possible , but not nice with everyone even these assholes , because all of them are not very smart. They just act like they're something big , when in reality they are pretenders.
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#12
(12-02-2016, 08:07 AM)Celt Wrote: Cant you be an alpha male and be a nice person also?

Simply said no, not to everyone, and alpha is a leader and some beta's will aspire to become the alpha, an alpha will have to defend his position by "butting heads" with the challanger, maybe I've watched too much discovery channel in my past Toungue, but honestly I think this comparison with the animal kingdom isn't as different as, for instance, the workplace alpha male Wink
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#13
Being nice isn't not standing up for yourself, not setting boundaries, never saying no, giving out money or rides to people you don't even know, or waiting quietly for someone to somehow notice your unspoken romantic feelings for them.

If someone has these traits they're not getting used or rejected for being nice, but for being a doormat.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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#14
Well said.
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#15
(12-03-2016, 02:24 PM)Tealeaf Wrote: Being nice isn't not standing up for yourself, not setting boundaries, never saying no, giving out money or rides to people you don't even know, or waiting quietly for someone to somehow notice your unspoken romantic feelings for them.

If someone has these traits they're not getting used or rejected for being nice, but for being a doormat.

I agree with you ! Wink
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#16
(12-03-2016, 02:24 PM)Tealeaf Wrote: Being nice isn't not standing up for yourself, not setting boundaries, never saying no, giving out money or rides to people you don't even know, or waiting quietly for someone to somehow notice your unspoken romantic feelings for them.

If someone has these traits they're not getting used or rejected for being nice, but for being a doormat.

I agree, there is a difference between being a doormat/pushover and being a nice guy.  I think some "nice guys" have a problem with crossing over the line to the doormat side.
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#17
This is a problem in my relationship right now even.

He has this "all or nothing" mindset about flirting. In the beginning right after we officially became a couple he got very forward, past the point where I told him I wasn't in the mood that night, because he felt he had to keep things interesting.

We talked about it and he's stopped flirting entirely because he's scared he'll go too far again and confused about what to do. So, now we have no flirting and no affection in our relationship.

I feel like I'm a little too late in life to be teaching someone something so basic as the grey area between being a cocky, super-sexual jerk and a nice guy who doesn't bother or disturb women with sexuality. The relationship isn't dying because he's a nice guy.

No woman in the world dislikes men who are nice she dislikes other things that he struggles with due to being too nice or not having good relationship skills.

And I'm sure if I later find someone who strikes a good balance, and is good at communicating, but isn't a particularly nice person, the chorus will say, "See? Women hate nice guys and love jerks!"
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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#18
Hearing this "but I'm such a nice guy....!" argument from guys has become so damn tiring. It gave birth to the scourge that is known as the incel.

Truly 'nice' people don't need to remind everyone and themselves of it every single day. And when you do, it seems more like either a facade or a complete lack of awareness.... and in the case of the typical incel, both.
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