How important is it to be in a relationship in your 30s?

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Restless soul

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2016
Messages
1,439
Reaction score
0
So let me elaborate. For a woman or man who is single and Is having difficulty establishing a romatic type of relationship into thier 30s. Does it seem to  impact you state of well being? Wish I can articulate this topic a bit more. But will leave it here
 
Restless, bear with me. Describe an average day in your life. What do you do ? Starting from waking up to going to bed at night.

I think a little bit of self-care and/or self-improvement might be in order.
 
Studies show that loneliness is bad for your health, though I can't provide you with any specific metrics off hand. Being in a happy, healthy relationship is generally better for you than being alone and miserable. If you're someone who doesn't feel miserable as a single person, then that might not apply. It just depends on the personality, I suppose.
 
Lost_in_necropolis said:
Studies show that loneliness is bad for your health, though I can't provide you with any specific metrics off hand. Being in a happy, healthy relationship is generally better for you than being alone and miserable. If you're someone who doesn't feel miserable as a single person, then that might not apply. It just depends on the personality, I suppose.

I can. Loneliness kills more people than smoking or obesity. It is not bad for your health, it is lethal.

If you're someone who doesn't feel miserable as a single person, then you're either jaded (because of ******** in your past) or you're in serious denial. Either way, congratulations.
 
Somnambulist said:
If you're someone who doesn't feel miserable as a single person, then you're either jaded (because of ******** in your past) or you're in serious denial. Either way, congratulations.

Or you can simply be a person who enjoys being single. There will always be people who doesn't fit into the stereotypes. The single people who prefer it just like that. The people who prefer to be up during the night and sleep during the day. They people who doesn't like chocolates, or coffee. They're not the most common, but they're real, and calling everyone who doesn't feel miserable as single for either jaded or in denial seems kinda disrespectful and generalizing. 

As to the OP's question, I think it will affect you at any age, if your personality is inclined for you to be affected by it. I've known people who were freaking out at 16 because they hadn't had a partner yet, and I know people in their 40s who are still single and happy. But as humans are generally social creatures, I'm pretty sure that the majority will prefer companionship, and that this need will grow stronger as they get older. I believe one of the reasons for this, is seeing "everyone" around you, such as friends and family your age, all being in relationships and doing the standard A4 routine of marriage and kids. Conformity is a big issue with people, and I think that for a lot of us, being in a relationship is as much about the feeling of "being normal" and "fitting in" as it is about companionship. 

I didn't really mind so much being single (I enjoy being alone most of the time), but what got to me was being the only single person in the crowd. That made me feel more isolated and excluded, especially when all the coupled up friends (this was years ago, before I decided to cut them from my life) would have their couples dinners and whatnots. This happened more frequently as they moved closer towards and into their 30s.
 
Somnambulist said:
If you're someone who doesn't feel miserable as a single person, then you're either jaded (because of ******** in your past) or you're in serious denial. Either way, congratulations.

I think you can be indifferent. Works for me. Though I think you need to have some predisposition for it.
 
My thirties (..and forties too..) were prime years of my life's vigor and I chose to be single. The reasons are for some other thread probably, but now I'm in my sixties and in a version of relationship that I really like and I deeply regret those single years.

@ Amy: You make me blush.
 
Somnambulist said:
Lost_in_necropolis said:
Studies show that loneliness is bad for your health, though I can't provide you with any specific metrics off hand. Being in a happy, healthy relationship is generally better for you than being alone and miserable. If you're someone who doesn't feel miserable as a single person, then that might not apply. It just depends on the personality, I suppose.

I can. Loneliness kills more people than smoking or obesity. It is not bad for your health, it is lethal.

If you're someone who doesn't feel miserable as a single person, then you're either jaded (because of ******** in your past) or you're in serious denial. Either way, congratulations.

Loneliness affects everyone differently, as I'm sure you know. Some (such as myself) won't have their social needs met if they find a partner. They may feel trapped, if anything. I'm surprised to see this comment from you, as you never seemed like the type to generalize.
 
reynard_muldrake said:
Somnambulist said:
Lost_in_necropolis said:
Studies show that loneliness is bad for your health, though I can't provide you with any specific metrics off hand. Being in a happy, healthy relationship is generally better for you than being alone and miserable. If you're someone who doesn't feel miserable as a single person, then that might not apply. It just depends on the personality, I suppose.

I can. Loneliness kills more people than smoking or obesity. It is not bad for your health, it is lethal.

If you're someone who doesn't feel miserable as a single person, then you're either jaded (because of ******** in your past) or you're in serious denial. Either way, congratulations.

Loneliness affects everyone differently, as I'm sure you know. Some (such as myself) won't have their social needs met if they find a partner. They may feel trapped, if anything. I'm surprised to see this comment from you, as you never seemed like the type to generalize.

Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment.

Perhaps my answer was too curt. A debate about just this topic erupted in one of my earlier threads, and I don't feel like reviving it. My generalization was based on my knowledge that humans are social animals. Perhaps, "single" wasn't the right word to use in my response. But, it is still not that far from the truth. What I'm getting at is the lack of intimacy.

I find that people, esp. people who have gone through bitter divorces, have managed to convince themselves that they don't need a partner (that's called "denial"), when intimacy is as fundamental as breathing air and eating food. And, those are the same people that will fight me to the bitter end when I simply point out that they have managed to delude themselves.

But, I congratulate them because I wish I could delude myself into thinking that I don't need the intimacy that comes with having a partner. I really wish I could ! Then, I wouldn't suffer as much. Ignorance is bliss, right ? I'm happy for those who can. But, they're fooling themselves.

Callie, I don't need to be you to know that you breathe Oxygen.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Just because you can't be happy/content/okay without a partner, doesn't mean no one can.

Just because you can delude yourself into thinking you don't want/need a partner, doesn't mean everyone can.
 
Somnambulist said:
TheRealCallie said:
Just because you can't be happy/content/okay without a partner, doesn't mean no one can.

Just because you can delude yourself into thinking you don't want/need a partner, doesn't mean everyone can.

Delude?  Oh really?  I don't need a guy to make my life something.  I don't need a guy to be proud of myself.  I don't need a guy to like myself.  I can live my life on my own, I don't need anyone to be there for me.  I can manage fantastically on my own. No man required. 

That's not a delusion, that's the truth.  That's me living for myself and my kids.
 
And there's the mainstream. I knew it was hiding there somewhere.
 
Rodent said:
Somnambulist said:
If you're someone who doesn't feel miserable as a single person, then you're either jaded (because of ******** in your past) or you're in serious denial. Either way, congratulations.

I think you can be indifferent. Works for me. Though I think you need to have some predisposition for it.

Interesting. I get that. I am indifferent today, but it only came about through "surrender", a "fresia it all" attitude. But, don't you think indifference comes about after having very strong feelings about it in the first place ? And then, at some point, not giving a $#!t because it's too much hassle ?

So, it doesn't mean you really don't want it or don't care. It means you've worked with your feelings, and obscured those original feelings, so they don't bother you anymore. Yeah ?
 

Latest posts

Back
Top