Friends and why i always seems to get alone..

Hello everybody , im a guy and i have a problem from my childhood it started..
I was a school learning guy i got grades from 5-6 for the first 4-5 years , i was introverted from early childhood then in some periods i had friends , then we lose contact , i don't know what's wrong with me maybe because of the parents they were not enough supportive but always being too serious and sometimes abusive and making threats... when i become 5th grade things got worse i stopped learning , started losing my best friend then others from the neighborhood , and till today i was talking with a lot of people but i can't seem to keep em , i am really scared if a new person meets me then something bad will happen and i will be lonely again... it's like a curse or something , i want to improve myself , i feel like if i go out and try to approach a girl or boy (ok if it's a boy i can ask him something about computers or job or whatever) , but when its a girl i dont know how to befriend her , online it's easier because i know what to say and do but in real person im afraid because of the rejection and i just pass away so much opportunities... i wish i was more outgoing and extroverted but i am not.. my main problem i think is with 2 things (im scared of befriending people and getting new friends , and keeping them) , also i don't know why but i feel like sometimes i disturb people when i all wanna do is have fun with them.
I used to have friends last year , but this year i try and try and try making in real person a few times and with girls i can't seem to get a girlfriend ... it was easier last year , and the 2 years before that! But this year is not what i wanted to be

Any advice or something would be helpful

Hi there.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you as you seem to be putting in the effort to make friends. The problem is that people are often too wrapped up in themselves and their own issues to invest in the kind of friendships you desire.   

I get your frustration about making friends and not being able to keep them. I used to have really close friends who are no longer in my life, and then I would go and try to find some new friends, then maybe keep them for a little while and then they'd move away or just stop talking to me, and the vicious cycle repeats itself. It often does feel like a case of bad karma or something, and you figure, what's the point in trying anymore?

So, I guess as far as approaching people, that's good that you feel at ease with boys. And when approaching a girl, just do it with the intention of being friends first, and maybe treat it as if she were a boy. What kinds of things do you say to her online? Could you say those same things in person?

Thanks for your reply. I think you do give me another angle to look on the problem , and that's a thing i didn't though about.

no more replies here?

It sounds like you are able to make friends but you are sabotaging everything because of your past. Because of your fear of losing people. I'm not saying you are aware you are doing it, but...well, let's look at it another way.

Okay, you get some friends, but because of things that happened in the past you are afraid of losing them, which likely makes you put up defenses and "guard" against doing anything wrong? Now, aside from all that, you are afraid of bothering them too much, which likely leads to you not making enough of an effort to show that you care? Things like that.

You seem to be too focused on the negative to project anything positive, leaving more negative than positive. People can see that. Have some faith in yourself. Have some faith in other people.

Yh I have the same problem my friend. Try seeking out like-minded people?

Yeah ReallCallie i think you understand the situation very well. Perhaps i'm looking at the negative than the positive , and i gotta do something to change it and make things work. The previous reply from Extreme Unit was also very good because that gave me an idea which i saw from 1 past girlfriend (she always treats me , her friends almost the same ways) and i didn't look at it , but that's actually a good idea to treat them if they were a boy , and even there are girls that like sports and things that are most for boys , so thanks to all of you.

Haks86 good idea also .

I will write in this thread when i have time and new things to share.

My first two thoughts -

Why could you not ask a girl about computers and/or job? If those are your interests, it's a great way to see if she shares your interests, and I have no problems whatsoever seeing girls in every game I play, and most are tech-savvy as well. As for job, I cannot see any reason to a girl being less qualified to speak about it than a guy.

I have the disturb thing as well - and yep, it can be a really difficult thing :/ As of now, I got no solution.

For the disturbing - i would stop thinking about this thing , and when i do mistake or whatever i will take the responsibility and then move on. Looking at the thing i posted now i realise it is stupid of myself to think in that way about me. The mindset should be different , and so as other factors. Thanks for the help here.

lolz

I've heard that research is now saying people typically lose half their close friends every seven years... or something like that. Times change. I think college and after college are huge transitional times.

Tealeaf said:

I've heard that research is now saying people typically lose half their close friends every seven years... or something like that. Times change. I think college and after college are huge transitional times.

Click to expand...

There's a huge thing that happens when somebody returns to the civilian world after being in the service for a while.  I talked to a lot of guys who had gone in right after High School and never had to do anything for themselves.  Literally, the Army makes sure you're good to go in every aspect of your life.  Every day.
So you have people age 40 or older, terrified because they don't know if they can manage civilian life.  No idea what to expect.  And they won't have the close-knit community of friends to rely on, as they did in the Army.   This probably contributes to the horrific rate of suicide among veterans.  It's overwhelming.