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How to keep your sanity in times of lonliness ?
#11
Get off the web, put your phone away in your pocket and turn off your computer. There are probably people around you every day irl who wouldn't mind a "hello, how are you?" Why don't you start there?
Also, don't dismiss getting a hobby or a pastime. We all have things we like to do that take our mind off everyday problems. What's yours?
En la boca cerrada no entran moscas.
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#12
(12-04-2016, 02:04 AM)Restless soul Wrote:
(12-04-2016, 02:01 AM)Rodent Wrote: ...what sanity?

Seriously now, if you are alone and frustrated and you don't want to distract yourself with a hobby or any other solitary activity, all you can do is go outside among people. Or remain alone and frustrated.

Yes, rodent. I am doing that. And that is compounding that feeling.

Well, it clearly compounds the feeling because you fail to connect with other people while you are among them. But at least there is a slight chance. When people tell you to go outside, you can do anything from walking right into the next bar to joining a local club, meet-up or interest group. The latter seems more promising since it has more structure. You don't seem like the type that chats up random people, but what do I know.

Now if this is also not something you want to do because it makes you feel bad, I'm afraid you have erased all possibility for improvement.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I go...
[Image: d8mV4rP.gif]
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#13
(12-04-2016, 01:07 AM)Restless soul Wrote: I am asking and not telling. I am hoping for some helpful tips on how to deal. When feeling extremely alone, bored with no where to turn for any relief. To give people here an idea and a refresher. Being 37 almost 38 year old guy. I can tell you in the past it wasnt as much of  an issue when it should of been. The key words being "should have been" why wasn't trying to be more social and trying to meet more women on the top of my things to do list? That is another ththread for another time. But its on the list now. And need some help with tips to conquer it

I'm not terribly social either and probably never will be and as for romantic relationships - the words "crash and burn" comes to mind. But so what? Being social or in romantic relationships doesn't guarantee you won't be lonely. You can have deeply fulfilling relationships with many types of people, not just romantic partners. The more you limit yourself, the smaller your world will be.
En la boca cerrada no entran moscas.
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#14
(12-04-2016, 01:07 AM)Restless soul Wrote: I am asking and not telling. I am hoping for some helpful tips on how to deal. When feeling extremely alone, bored with no where to turn for any relief.

I find that when you are lonely and bored, that's the best time to start trouble. Break something, say a word, poke a whole. It's when your life takes a new turn. You learn something after messing up real bad.


Quote:To give people here an idea and a refresher. Being 37 almost 38 year old guy.



when's your birthday?



Quote:I can tell you in the past it wasnt as much of  an issue when it should of been. The key words being "should have been" why wasn't trying to be more social and trying to meet more women on the top of my things to do list? That is another ththread for another time. But its on the list now. And need some help with tips to conquer it

When dont you try to meet men? Life as a whole should not only be about finding a partner. Try FRIENDS?
______________________

So the Angel said: 'Thy phantasy has imposed upon me
& thou oughtest to be ashamed.'
I answer'd: 'We impose on one another ,
& it is but lost time to converse with you
whose works are only Analytics.'


Opposition is True Friendship
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#15
(12-04-2016, 02:41 AM)Lacrecia Wrote:
(12-04-2016, 01:07 AM)Restless soul Wrote: I am asking and not telling. I am hoping for some helpful tips on how to deal. When feeling extremely alone, bored with no where to turn for any relief.

I find that when you are lonely and bored, that's the best time to start trouble. Break something, say a word, poke a whole. It's when your like take a new turn. You learn something after messing up real bad.


Quote:To give people here an idea and a refresher. Being 37 almost 38 year old guy.



when's your birthday?



Quote:I can tell you in the past it wasnt as much of  an issue when it should of been. The key words being "should have been" why wasn't trying to be more social and trying to meet more women on the top of my things to do list? That is another ththread for another time. But its on the list now. And need some help with tips to conquer it

When dont you try to meet men? Life as a whole should not only be about finding a partner. Try FRIENDS?
My b-day. Is dec 21.
As to why I don't try to meet friends? Well I feel I would benefit in some form of relationship at this stage casual or other with a woman. But lacrecia, I am not opposed to the idea of friends
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#16
Short term sanity keeping tactic,  just to get through the night?  Having an ongoing hobby project that's always there to work on is good....building ships in bottles or something.  Or have a reading ambition that's always there to continue with, the novels of Dostoevsky or something.....

Long term sanity-keeping-in-loneliness is a lot trickier IMO. 

What does not work is dwelling on the past or looking inwards at one's problems over and over or blaming people who've done us wrong.
Contentment comes from within.  Do not seek it from outside yourself.

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#17
"What does not work is dwelling on the past or looking inwards at one's problems over and over or blaming people who've done us wrong"

I know..just cannot escape that
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#18
I alluded to this in your other thread; not sure if you saw it.

For me, it has been all about self-improvement and self-care (while I had the money)

- Working out at the gym and eating healthful food
- Martial arts
- Taking care of my body, overall (hygiene and aesthetics)
- Finding nice clothes to wear
- Travel (just going to a new unexplored city, and walking around downtown ... Portland, OR !!!)
- Decorating my apartment (it gave me great joy to transform four boring white walls into a place that feels like home)
- Keeping my home clean
- Learning new skills (foreign languages, communication skills, how to be more professional in the workplace) ... I listened to a lot of audiobooks
- Music creation
- Spirituality (just to gain another perspective, not necessarily to find a new belief system to adopt)
- Cross-training (finding other forms of exercise that are enjoyable ... swimming and hiking, for instance)
- Socializing (Meetup, mostly)
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#19
(12-04-2016, 02:32 AM)SofiasMami Wrote: Get off the web, put your phone away in your pocket and turn off your computer. There are probably people around you every day irl who wouldn't mind a "hello, how are you?" Why don't you start there?
Also, don't dismiss getting a hobby or a pastime. We all have things we like to do that take our mind off everyday problems. What's yours?

Yes, I second this ! You could use a little less ALL time, and a little more IRL time, Restless Wink
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#20
(12-04-2016, 02:39 AM)Rodent Wrote:
(12-04-2016, 02:04 AM)Restless soul Wrote:
(12-04-2016, 02:01 AM)Rodent Wrote: ...what sanity?

Seriously now, if you are alone and frustrated and you don't want to distract yourself with a hobby or any other solitary activity, all you can do is go outside among people. Or remain alone and frustrated.

Yes, rodent. I am doing that. And that is compounding that feeling.

Well, it clearly compounds the feeling because you fail to connect with other people while you are among them. But at least there is a slight chance. When people tell you to go outside, you can do anything from walking right into the next bar to joining a local club, meet-up or interest group. The latter seems more promising since it has more structure. You don't seem like the type that chats up random people, but what do I know.

Now if this is also not something you want to do because it makes you feel bad, I'm afraid you have erased all possibility for improvement.
Actually I am more the type now than ever to chat up random people. When I get that urge. Why do you think I am not?
Especially with all my threads ad comments?  I can totally do it
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