How to keep your sanity in times of lonliness ?

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Restless soul

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I am asking and not telling. I am hoping for some helpful tips on how to deal. When feeling extremely alone, bored with no where to turn for any relief. To give people here an idea and a refresher. Being 37 almost 38 year old guy. I can tell you in the past it wasnt as much of  an issue when it should of been. The key words being "should have been" why wasn't trying to be more social and trying to meet more women on the top of my things to do list? That is another ththread for another time. But its on the list now. And need some help with tips to conquer it
 
I like to use the movie the matrix as an analogy to how I feel about lonliness. You all know the scene. Where he is offered two pills I forget what each one does. But one changes his reality forever andd there no going back. I have to rewatch that. But that is exactly what happend with me better late than never I say.
 
Music, work, and finding something enjoyable in the things that seem unenjoyable on the surface. I wish I could tell you the magical formula, but it just clicked in my head one day "just do, don't think".
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
Music, work, and finding something enjoyable in the things that seem unenjoyable on the surface. I wish I could tell you the magical formula, but it just clicked in my head one day "just do, don't think".

Ha - don't think. Ook. Well..I will try that. 
But, it is a problem at the same time. Chicken and egg thing. 
Can't relax, because you are alone, and frustrated. Can't begin to fall back on a hobby as it might preoccupy your time, fueling more of that alone time you don't want.
 
Read books. Write books. Get lost in someone else's reality for a while
 
Restless soul said:
AmytheTemperamental said:
Music, work, and finding something enjoyable in the things that seem unenjoyable on the surface. I wish I could tell you the magical formula, but it just clicked in my head one day "just do, don't think".

Ha - don't think. Ook. Well..I will try that. 
But, it is a problem at the same time. Chicken and egg thing. 
Can't relax, because you are alone, and frustrated. Can't begin to fall back on a hobby as it might preoccupy your time, fueling more of that alone time you don't want.

Stop thinking :club:
 
...what sanity?

Seriously now, if you are alone and frustrated and you don't want to distract yourself with a hobby or any other solitary activity, all you can do is go outside among people. Or remain alone and frustrated.
 
Rodent said:
...what sanity?

Seriously now, if you are alone and frustrated and you don't want to distract yourself with a hobby or any other solitary activity, all you can do is go outside among people. Or remain alone and frustrated.

Yes, rodent. I am doing that. And that is compounding that feeling.
 
Write as long as you feel you can , a story you invented on your own .
A perfect world maybe or a better life for you , try to create that life you think you deserve , these choices you didnt made but you think they were the right to make .
Write every second of your life and you'll be soon reading a story worth the loneliness you feel .
(sorry for my English i am Italian :p )
 
Get off the web, put your phone away in your pocket and turn off your computer. There are probably people around you every day irl who wouldn't mind a "hello, how are you?" Why don't you start there?
Also, don't dismiss getting a hobby or a pastime. We all have things we like to do that take our mind off everyday problems. What's yours?
 
Restless soul said:
Rodent said:
...what sanity?

Seriously now, if you are alone and frustrated and you don't want to distract yourself with a hobby or any other solitary activity, all you can do is go outside among people. Or remain alone and frustrated.

Yes, rodent. I am doing that. And that is compounding that feeling.

Well, it clearly compounds the feeling because you fail to connect with other people while you are among them. But at least there is a slight chance. When people tell you to go outside, you can do anything from walking right into the next bar to joining a local club, meet-up or interest group. The latter seems more promising since it has more structure. You don't seem like the type that chats up random people, but what do I know.

Now if this is also not something you want to do because it makes you feel bad, I'm afraid you have erased all possibility for improvement.
 
Restless soul said:
I am asking and not telling. I am hoping for some helpful tips on how to deal. When feeling extremely alone, bored with no where to turn for any relief. To give people here an idea and a refresher. Being 37 almost 38 year old guy. I can tell you in the past it wasnt as much of  an issue when it should of been. The key words being "should have been" why wasn't trying to be more social and trying to meet more women on the top of my things to do list? That is another ththread for another time. But its on the list now. And need some help with tips to conquer it

I'm not terribly social either and probably never will be and as for romantic relationships - the words "crash and burn" comes to mind. But so what? Being social or in romantic relationships doesn't guarantee you won't be lonely. You can have deeply fulfilling relationships with many types of people, not just romantic partners. The more you limit yourself, the smaller your world will be.
 
Restless soul said:
I am asking and not telling. I am hoping for some helpful tips on how to deal. When feeling extremely alone, bored with no where to turn for any relief.

I find that when you are lonely and bored, that's the best time to start trouble. Break something, say a word, poke a whole. It's when your life takes a new turn. You learn something after messing up real bad.


To give people here an idea and a refresher. Being 37 almost 38 year old guy.



when's your birthday?



I can tell you in the past it wasnt as much of  an issue when it should of been. The key words being "should have been" why wasn't trying to be more social and trying to meet more women on the top of my things to do list? That is another ththread for another time. But its on the list now. And need some help with tips to conquer it

When dont you try to meet men? Life as a whole should not only be about finding a partner. Try FRIENDS?
 
Lacrecia said:
Restless soul said:
I am asking and not telling. I am hoping for some helpful tips on how to deal. When feeling extremely alone, bored with no where to turn for any relief.

I find that when you are lonely and bored, that's the best time to start trouble. Break something, say a word, poke a whole. It's when your like take a new turn. You learn something after messing up real bad.


To give people here an idea and a refresher. Being 37 almost 38 year old guy.



when's your birthday?



I can tell you in the past it wasnt as much of  an issue when it should of been. The key words being "should have been" why wasn't trying to be more social and trying to meet more women on the top of my things to do list? That is another ththread for another time. But its on the list now. And need some help with tips to conquer it

When dont you try to meet men? Life as a whole should not only be about finding a partner. Try FRIENDS?
My b-day. Is dec 21.
As to why I don't try to meet friends? Well I feel I would benefit in some form of relationship at this stage casual or other with a woman. But lacrecia, I am not opposed to the idea of friends
 
Short term sanity keeping tactic,  just to get through the night?  Having an ongoing hobby project that's always there to work on is good....building ships in bottles or something.  Or have a reading ambition that's always there to continue with, the novels of Dostoevsky or something.....

Long term sanity-keeping-in-loneliness is a lot trickier IMO. 

What does not work is dwelling on the past or looking inwards at one's problems over and over or blaming people who've done us wrong.
 
"What does not work is dwelling on the past or looking inwards at one's problems over and over or blaming people who've done us wrong"

I know..just cannot escape that
 
I alluded to this in your other thread; not sure if you saw it.

For me, it has been all about self-improvement and self-care (while I had the money)

- Working out at the gym and eating healthful food
- Martial arts
- Taking care of my body, overall (hygiene and aesthetics)
- Finding nice clothes to wear
- Travel (just going to a new unexplored city, and walking around downtown ... Portland, OR !!!)
- Decorating my apartment (it gave me great joy to transform four boring white walls into a place that feels like home)
- Keeping my home clean
- Learning new skills (foreign languages, communication skills, how to be more professional in the workplace) ... I listened to a lot of audiobooks
- Music creation
- Spirituality (just to gain another perspective, not necessarily to find a new belief system to adopt)
- Cross-training (finding other forms of exercise that are enjoyable ... swimming and hiking, for instance)
- Socializing (Meetup, mostly)
 
SofiasMami said:
Get off the web, put your phone away in your pocket and turn off your computer. There are probably people around you every day irl who wouldn't mind a "hello, how are you?" Why don't you start there?
Also, don't dismiss getting a hobby or a pastime. We all have things we like to do that take our mind off everyday problems. What's yours?

Yes, I second this ! You could use a little less ALL time, and a little more IRL time, Restless ;)
 
Rodent said:
Restless soul said:
Rodent said:
...what sanity?

Seriously now, if you are alone and frustrated and you don't want to distract yourself with a hobby or any other solitary activity, all you can do is go outside among people. Or remain alone and frustrated.

Yes, rodent. I am doing that. And that is compounding that feeling.

Well, it clearly compounds the feeling because you fail to connect with other people while you are among them. But at least there is a slight chance. When people tell you to go outside, you can do anything from walking right into the next bar to joining a local club, meet-up or interest group. The latter seems more promising since it has more structure. You don't seem like the type that chats up random people, but what do I know.

Now if this is also not something you want to do because it makes you feel bad, I'm afraid you have erased all possibility for improvement.
Actually I am more the type now than ever to chat up random people. When I get that urge. Why do you think I am not?
Especially with all my threads ad comments?  I can totally do it
 

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