Suicidal visions but I don't want to die, help?

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Unalome

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Not sure where to post this so sorry if it's not in the right place. 

I'm aware people think about suicide and think about ways to kill themselves but over the past several months I've been experiencing things differently. I 'zone out' often while driving or reading or doing menial tasks and I picture myself committing suicide. It's like watching a video in my brain that I can't turn off. It's often graphic and violent, and it's not the same vision all the time, the way I kill myself varies. 
Now, I don't think I want to die, I have in the past had suicidal thoughts and I've done a fair bit of self harm. But I'm happier than ever most the time now and I don't want to kill myself so I can't understand why this keeps happening.

I just wondered if anyone else has experienced these kinds of unwanted 'visions'. And any suggestions on how to stop them? They're getting kind of torturing. :/

Thank you in advance.
 
This is probably not very helpful, but I honestly think that this is probably something you should see a specialist about!
 
dokidoki said:
This is probably not very helpful, but I honestly think that this is probably something you should see a specialist about!

Probably is, but I just wondered if anyone else had experienced similar things, it's not really a question I could ask anyone in my real life! 
Thank you though :)
 
I'm sorry to read about this I have never had graphic visions like that. Can you be near someone when you know you're likely to have these thoughts? Perhaps conversation or something could snap you out of it.

I really hope you have no intention of acting on these thoughts. If you do you must tell someone.
 
Unalome said:
dokidoki said:
This is probably not very helpful, but I honestly think that this is probably something you should see a specialist about!

Probably is, but I just wondered if anyone else had experienced similar things, it's not really a question I could ask anyone in my real life! 
Thank you though :)

Yes. I am pretty sure I have. But I don't think it literally meant I want to or should.  More of a warning sign. That you never will and in a dark place. And you have to figure out how to get out of the dark.
 
Yeah at a few points in life. The fact that you don't want to is a good indicator that you probably won't, unless something traumatic happens in your life that pushes you over the edge. If you are happy and these vision just creep up now and then I wouldn't worry too much about them. Our minds work in weird ways and everyone is different, could be several different reasons why, the only person who can help you with that is you and a reliable well trained psychiatrist who deals with such issues.
 
Yeah Unalone, I've had suicidal visualizations come into my imagination from time to time....sometimes quite graphic:  the hollow point bullet exit wound, the human body impacting the pavement after a 40 story fall.......

My response?  OK this is going to sound a little weird but I take it as my unconscious mind acting in self preservation.  I want to keep living even though I don't really enjoy living, hence the idea of deliberately doing the final exit.....but I don't want to die so my unconscious mind shows me just how awful and utterly undignified it would be to actually pull the trigger or jump.

Convoluted logic?  Who said people are logical?  I'm still alive and I plan to stay that way, at least until The Big Guy says it's time to go.
 
Yes, years ago. I wrote down what I thought and felt about them, then considered I'm done with them so my mind should let them go. I also took reading and watching movies as outlets. They brought many ideas and visuals to think about, so my mind had much tendency to imagine about those two hobbies than graphic images of demise. Concentrating on positive traits of self and boosting some self esteem, put my mind in a better state too.

In case you have bottled up thoughts and frustration, I hope you have some outlets to relieve them.
 
Unalome said:
Not sure where to post this so sorry if it's not in the right place. 

I'm aware people think about suicide and think about ways to kill themselves but over the past several months I've been experiencing things differently. I 'zone out' often while driving or reading or doing menial tasks and I picture myself committing suicide. It's like watching a video in my brain that I can't turn off. It's often graphic and violent, and it's not the same vision all the time, the way I kill myself varies. 
Now, I don't think I want to die, I have in the past had suicidal thoughts and I've done a fair bit of self harm. But I'm happier than ever most the time now and I don't want to kill myself so I can't understand why this keeps happening.

I just wondered if anyone else has experienced these kinds of unwanted 'visions'. And any suggestions on how to stop them? They're getting kind of torturing. :/

Thank you in advance.
Hi! I actually had one the other day which was really a freakish event for me but I let it go.  I imagined getting in a heated fight w my partner and swan diving off a cliff.   But I would NEVER do this.   I wonder if most people who do go through with it especially when they do it impulsively as a passionate reaction to some event, ever thought that they would.  I know that I would not.  Maybe assisted if I was terminally ill or something but that's different and honestly I probably wouldn't even then.  

I mean, what are your feelings on the matter?  I'm not too worried about my weird vision because I really have never thought of suicide as an option, it's the cruelest thing you can do to the people who care about you and I've been through enough crap to know that it does get better.  I mean seriously, how many people haven't vaguely imagined stomping on the gas pedal and ramming into a wall? 

Are you ok? Like really?  Where are you at? What are you visualizing? Is it hypothetical/ fantastical or more like "this is the plan if it ever gets that far".  I think you have to be responsible to not let your (potential- you never mentioned) personal issues or chemicals guide your actions.  Like, if you imagine dropkicking your enemy into pulp it doesn't mean you're a psychopath, but if you're imagining things in a way that you might be psyching yourself up to actually do them then I agree with everyone else about not hesitating to seek out some help.
 
constant stranger said:
My response?  OK this is going to sound a little weird but I take it as my unconscious mind acting in self preservation.  I want to keep living even though I don't really enjoy living, hence the idea of deliberately doing the final exit.....but I don't want to die so my unconscious mind shows me just how awful and utterly undignified it would be to actually pull the trigger or jump.

Constance Stranger, your logic sounds completely true, I think this may be what my mind is doing, they do tend to only happen when I'm feeling down. It's nice to know someone else understands!

littlefish1555 said:
Hi! I actually had one the other day which was really a freakish event for me but I let it go.  I imagined getting in a heated fight w my partner and swan diving off a cliff.   But I would NEVER do this.   I wonder if most people who do go through with it especially when they do it impulsively as a passionate reaction to some event, ever thought that they would.  I know that I would not.  Maybe assisted if I was terminally ill or something but that's different and honestly I probably wouldn't even then.  

I mean, what are your feelings on the matter?  I'm not too worried about my weird vision because I really have never thought of suicide as an option, it's the cruelest thing you can do to the people who care about you and I've been through enough crap to know that it does get better.  I mean seriously, how many people haven't vaguely imagined stomping on the gas pedal and ramming into a wall? 

Are you ok? Like really?  Where are you at? What are you visualizing? Is it hypothetical/ fantastical or more like "this is the plan if it ever gets that far".  I think you have to be responsible to not let your (potential- you never mentioned) personal issues or chemicals guide your actions.  Like, if you imagine dropkicking your enemy into pulp it doesn't mean you're a psychopath, but if you're imagining things in a way that you might be psyching yourself up to actually do them then I agree with everyone else about not hesitating to seek out some help.


littlefish1555 thank you for your reply, I am more on the side of not worrying about these visions too, although they are not nice at the time, they are not constant enough to cause any major bother. I think they may have stemmed from issues Ive have in the past so I imagine they will lessen over time! The visions are more fantastical, I'm sure if I was to plan to kill myself I'd pick a much simpler way. 


Anyway, I'm feeling better knowing I'm not the only one who experiences things like this so thank you to everyone who replied! And for those of you worried about my welfare, I can assure you, I have no plans to ever act on these visions! Life is getting better by the day and I have no intention of stopping my journey!
 

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