To y'all, what makes someone a failure or a loser?

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AnonymousMe

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I recently read that "No one is born a failure" quote.
I could just tell now what I personally think of it and ask you all if I'm correct or not, but I might as well know your thoughts first.
 
The only time you can fail is when you stop trying. You aren't born a failure and as long as you keep trying, you won't die a failure. It doesn't matter how much you stumble in life or how often you get knocked down. As long as you get back up, as long as you try again, you will never be a failure.

And I don't believe anyone is a loser.
 
I think you can be born into circumstances that ultimately set you up to fail. However, I believe that somewhere, there's a way to pull yourself out. It's more in the choice to give up completely, that results in failure.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Xpendable said:

How?

Because obvious reasons. I would add improper parenting, bad peers and toxic environmental conditions (physically and emotionally) to the list. At least these are all things which will make absolute success incredibly difficult achieve. Relative success - achieving your full potential - is still possible, but it might not amount to a lot in comparison to others.
 
At some point, as you recognize there are things in your life that you can change to create a better situation for yourself, you start making relevant goals. No need to compare yourself to anyone, as history has many examples of people who grew up in horrendous conditions and ended up being more successful that many who were raised "right". If absolutely nobody with a hard childhood had ever succeeded, then you can use this as an excuse, but again, history shows this is simply not the case. At some point, if you want to succeed that is, you need to take 100% responsibility for your life. Stop blaming your parents, siblings, friends, teachers, you get what I am saying. It is completely useless and counterproductive. More likely, there are several important skills you need to master in order to accomplish a goal. And that is true of any goal. And guess what: failure is an integral part of learning. The notion that mistakes are shameful is part of the academic mentality, and the academic environment rarely teaches people anything useful about real life. Failure is the best way to learn, if you are indeed willing to learn from your mistakes and grow as a person. One of my favorite quotes is that the only difference between the master and the beginner is that the master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried. I use this quote in one of my books that I give to my confidence students. It's powerful stuff and too bad I didn't invent it ;)  , but it has helped me a lot, and I believe it makes so much sense.
 
AlexD said:
Failure is the best way to learn, if you are indeed willing to learn from your mistakes and grow as a person.

If you learn something from it, it's not failure, it's a lesson.  I wouldn't think a self confidence coach would use the word failure in that way.  That word kind of kills self confidence, I would think.
 
Rodent said:
TheRealCallie said:
Xpendable said:

How?

Because obvious reasons. I would add improper parenting, bad peers and toxic environmental conditions (physically and emotionally) to the list. At least these are all things which will make absolute success incredibly difficult achieve. Relative success - achieving your full potential - is still possible, but it might not amount to a lot in comparison to others.

Absolute success in almost any circumstance  is incredibly difficult to achieve.  But what you say here goes along with what I already said.  It's up to you if you fail or succeed. 
Adjust your expectations and goals if you aren't getting where you want to be.  Think about moving if your area isn't a good place for what you truly want to do.  Be prepared to work hard and do what needs to be done to get where you want to be in life. 
As for the comparison to others, I don't feel that's healthy at all.  Your idea of success and failure is obviously going to be different from mine and different from the next person.  I don't think what others have is any indication of whether you have failed or succeeded.  It's all about what you want in life.  How you feel about yourself and what you're doing.  No one else can take that away from you....unless, of course, you let them.
 
TheRealCallie said:
AlexD said:
Failure is the best way to learn, if you are indeed willing to learn from your mistakes and grow as a person.

If you learn something from it, it's not failure, it's a lesson.  I wouldn't think a self confidence coach would use the word failure in that way.  That word kind of kills self confidence, I would think.

Only if you choose so. My coaches had no problem using it and it was actually quite helpful because most people (and I was not exception), use to exaggerate mistakes and call them failures. Well, if you lose several million dollars while mismanaging your business, and your business tanks (haven't done it, it's just an example, ok?), some will call that a mistake, and others will call it a failure. It is irrelevant what you call it. What is relevant though is what you do about it. Do you run away, or do you get up after the fall and do things better next time. Sugar-coating is not what I do, if that's your question. Now, depending on the person, if they are completely obsessed with them being a failure, then I may encourage them to rephrase a couple of things, for their own sake. It depends who I am talking with. But you are right, if you choose to learn, then it is not a failure any more because you did something about it. Lessons learned. I have found that many people will use failure instead of a lesson. Including well known coaches. I imagine it is because they have to relate closely to their clients, because so many people are indeed focusing on the failure part of that coin. I hope this makes sense.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Rodent said:
TheRealCallie said:
Xpendable said:

How?

Because obvious reasons. I would add improper parenting, bad peers and toxic environmental conditions (physically and emotionally) to the list. At least these are all things which will make absolute success incredibly difficult achieve. Relative success - achieving your full potential - is still possible, but it might not amount to a lot in comparison to others.

Absolute success in almost any circumstance  is incredibly difficult to achieve.  But what you say here goes along with what I already said.  It's up to you if you fail or succeed. 
Adjust your expectations and goals if you aren't getting where you want to be.  Think about moving if your area isn't a good place for what you truly want to do.  Be prepared to work hard and do what needs to be done to get where you want to be in life. 
As for the comparison to others, I don't feel that's healthy at all.  Your idea of success and failure is obviously going to be different from mine and different from the next person.  I don't think what others have is any indication of whether you have failed or succeeded.  It's all about what you want in life.  How you feel about yourself and what you're doing.  No one else can take that away from you....unless, of course, you let them.

Very practical advice from TheRealCallie put in simple and understandable terms. That's really all you need to start. I know it may seem overwhelming, but it's so worth the effort to build your own life!
 
TheRealCallie said:
Rodent said:
Because obvious reasons. I would add improper parenting, bad peers and toxic environmental conditions (physically and emotionally) to the list. At least these are all things which will make absolute success incredibly difficult achieve. Relative success - achieving your full potential - is still possible, but it might not amount to a lot in comparison to others.

Absolute success in almost any circumstance  is incredibly difficult to achieve.  But what you say here goes along with what I already said.  It's up to you if you fail or succeed. 
Adjust your expectations and goals if you aren't getting where you want to be.  Think about moving if your area isn't a good place for what you truly want to do.  Be prepared to work hard and do what needs to be done to get where you want to be in life. 
As for the comparison to others, I don't feel that's healthy at all.  Your idea of success and failure is obviously going to be different from mine and different from the next person.  I don't think what others have is any indication of whether you have failed or succeeded.  It's all about what you want in life.  How you feel about yourself and what you're doing.  No one else can take that away from you....unless, of course, you let them.

It's often necessary to pick people up where they are and that is with an idea of absolute success or a finite goal in mind and the natural proclivity to compare themselves to others in the realm of competition. I'd say that's where we gotta start and just telling people to not do that is ineffective for everyone who is not a hardline individualist. It takes time to school people out of this since this is not how people are raised on average. But I agree with the rest. At the foundation of life lies suffering and you need have the right tools at hand to overcome obstacles and tragedies all the time.

As for the semantics: Failure is the temporary condition you find yourself in after you got knocked down. When it's followed by introspection and coming up with an action plan, you can call it a lesson as a whole. How does that sound? And if that word alone kills your self-confidence, there are underlying pathologies that ought to be uncovered and resolved first.
 
I have given up, so I guess that makes me a loser. I've accepted this.
 
AnonymousMe said:
Tuathaniel said:
I have given up, so I guess that makes me a loser. I've accepted this.

Given up on what, exactly?

Career. School. The eternal mess that is me. Life in general. 

I hate my profession but I can't change it, because whenever I try to go back to school to get a degree in something else, I fail. Over the last three years I've attempted three courses, and so far I have failed every time. 

Because I've tried to keep on studying, I've cut down a lot on work hours. Which is good in one way, because I hate my job so spending less time there is positive. However it also means my income has been drastically reduced, and I now barely make enough to meet my expenses every month. 

Come May next year, I'll have to move, because my landlord is moving back so I need to find a new home. The rent marked has increased like crazy over the past years where I've been living here, and once I move, my new rent will be around 33 % higher than it is now. I have no idea how I'm gonna make that work. 

And then there's my unhealthy food addiction that makes me gain weight regularly, and my irregular bursts of fitness motivation dies whenever I feel bored or sad (which is most of the time). I've tried again and again, for years, to improve myself in this area, but it never works. As with anything I attempt. Because I'm a failure and a loser, and I give up. I've had it. This is how my crappy life is always going to be, and I should accept it sooner rather than later. I'm a useless, worthless and pathetic loser, and that's just the way it is.
 
If I'm stuck in a situation where I have no resolution to and I'm absolutely not trying cos there is just no other way, does it mean I've given up? People often think I have.

I just feel... exhausted. And there's nothing I can do to change my situation unless somebody decides to give me loads and loads of money lol.

I can choose to accept this, but does that make me a loser? Perhaps to some people who view it that way. Cos I'm not even trying to change what I don't like about my life right now. But that's cos I can't, I don't have the option to. I honestly don't know how to view it, if you ask me. I just don't know what to do really.
 
Well, this thread is certainly going in the direction I was hoping for.

I had a feeling that it was going to start with the "you're a loser when you've given up" thought, but I was expecting more answers when it came to jobs.  There are people that end up in jobs where, for whatever reason, can't go beyond what they're in and they're looked down upon, ashamed or ridiculed for that.

You name them: fast food employees, janitors, security guards, farm workers, maids, child-care workers, strippers, escorts, etc.  Despite their occupations, to me, anyone that has a job isn't a failure or a loser (except if it's illegal work that hurts people and stuff), it doesn't matter if they're happy or sad, even if they've given up on improving themselves, I'll still respect them and see nothing wrong with what they're dedicated to; many in higher positions are probably feeling the same way.  Heck, I've even read stories about people with low-wage jobs getting (lifelong) mates, it's always nice to see that there are individuals out there that still see them as the human beings they are, huh?

I don't know about y'all, but to me, a failure or loser is someone that just doesn't want to work or even study, and I am including drug addicts here too, I may be sounding cold here, but there's simply no point in aiding those who don't want to aid themselves or that ruined themselves in the first place.  If there are others that want to help them, fine, but not me, like yourselves, I've got my own problems to deal with.

Question for y'all, how would you feel if a close family member, preferably a brother, sister, son or daughter, ended up in one of the places I mentioned?

And to Tuathaniel and ladyforsaken, I'm sorry you two are feeling that way, but I wish you all the best.
 
AnonymousMe said:
Well, this thread is certainly going in the direction I was hoping for.

I had a feeling that it was going to start with the "you're a loser when you've given up" thought, but I was expecting more answers when it came to jobs.  There are people that end up in jobs where, for whatever reason, can't go beyond what they're in and they're looked down upon, ashamed or ridiculed for that.

You name them: fast food employees, janitors, security guards, farm workers, maids, child-care workers, strippers, escorts, etc.  Despite their occupations, to me, anyone that has a job isn't a failure or a loser (except if it's illegal work that hurts people and stuff), it doesn't matter if they're happy or sad, even if they've given up on improving themselves, I'll still respect them and see nothing wrong with what they're dedicated to; many in higher positions are probably feeling the same way.  Heck, I've even read stories about people with low-wage jobs getting (lifelong) mates, it's always nice to see that there are individuals out there that still see them as the human beings they are, huh?

I don't know about y'all, but to me, a failure or loser is someone that just doesn't want to work or even study, and I am including drug addicts here too, I may be sounding cold here, but there's simply no point in aiding those who don't want to aid themselves or that ruined themselves in the first place.  If there are others that want to help them, fine, but not me, like yourselves, I've got my own problems to deal with.

Question for y'all, how would you feel if a close family member, preferably a brother, sister, son or daughter, ended up in one of the places I mentioned?

And to Tuathaniel and ladyforsaken, I'm sorry you two are feeling that way, but I wish you all the best.

Of course having a job, regardless of what it is (as you said, that isn't illegal and/or hurting people), is a good thing.  A low wage job is better than no job at all.  At least you are still contributing or paying your bills.  And just because you can't advance where you are (most places will promote you to at least manager, though, if you work hard and whatnot), doesn't mean you can look for jobs elsewhere.  You have a job until you find something better. 

As for the drug addicts.  I do think that's  a little cold of you to say.  BUT, it's your opinion to feel that way.  It's a disease.  Granted, they did take themselves down that path, but once it gets to a certain point....Okay okay, I won't go off on that tangent. lol

In one of the jobs you mentioned? 
fast food employees, janitors, security guards, farm workers, maids, child-care workers, strippers, escorts, etc. 

I have family working in fast food, I know janitors, I know security guards, I know MANY farm workers, I know child care workers, I know  strippers. 
So what?  Who cares what they are doing.  They have a job, they aren't sitting on their lazy asses collecting unemployment without doing anything about it.  That's all that matters.
 
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