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Tealeaf

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I started at a new workplace recently and one thing I noticed is that, except for two men, all my coworkers are women. Another thing I noticed: they're all parents. They talk about their children, their children's problems, keep in touch on social media, etc.

Meanwhile I'm getting on in my 20's, unmarried, single, no children. Trying to rebuild my life after depression. I feel almost like a child myself next to them.

Is it seen as strange to be this way? I wonder sometimes what people think of me.
 
Tealeaf said:
I started at a new workplace recently and one thing I noticed is that, except for two men, all my coworkers are women. Another thing I noticed: they're all parents. They talk about their children, their children's problems, keep in touch on social media, etc.

Meanwhile I'm getting on in my 20's, unmarried, single, no children. Trying to rebuild my life after depression. I feel almost like a child myself next to them.

Is it seen as strange to be this way? I wonder sometimes what people think of me.
No - not necessarily. And when you say like a child I hope it to mean, youthful and livley. But you got time also if you are in your 20s
 
Tealeaf said:
I started at a new workplace recently and one thing I noticed is that, except for two men, all my coworkers are women. Another thing I noticed: they're all parents. They talk about their children, their children's problems, keep in touch on social media, etc.

Meanwhile I'm getting on in my 20's, unmarried, single, no children. Trying to rebuild my life after depression. I feel almost like a child myself next to them.

Is it seen as strange to be this way? I wonder sometimes what people think of me.

Don't feel like you have to fit into the same mold as anyone else. I didn't have my daughter until I was 37. I tell my daughter she never has to have children. I told her if she feels a burning need to have some when shes old enough, then go for it. 
You just focus on yourself and being happy for now.
 
Restless soul said:
Tealeaf said:
I started at a new workplace recently and one thing I noticed is that, except for two men, all my coworkers are women. Another thing I noticed: they're all parents. They talk about their children, their children's problems, keep in touch on social media, etc.

Meanwhile I'm getting on in my 20's, unmarried, single, no children. Trying to rebuild my life after depression. I feel almost like a child myself next to them.

Is it seen as strange to be this way? I wonder sometimes what people think of me.
No - not necessarily. And when you say like a child I hope it to mean, youthful and livley. But you got time also if you are in your 20s

More that I'm viewed as immature for not having any of those things at my age, when so many people want and have them earlier.

EveWasFramed said:
Tealeaf said:
I started at a new workplace recently and one thing I noticed is that, except for two men, all my coworkers are women. Another thing I noticed: they're all parents. They talk about their children, their children's problems, keep in touch on social media, etc.

Meanwhile I'm getting on in my 20's, unmarried, single, no children. Trying to rebuild my life after depression. I feel almost like a child myself next to them.

Is it seen as strange to be this way? I wonder sometimes what people think of me.

Don't feel like you have to fit into the same mold as anyone else. I didn't have my daughter until I was 37. I tell my daughter she never has to have children. I told her if she feels a burning need to have some when shes old enough, then go for it. 
You just focus on yourself and being happy for now.

That's actually a relief to hear. My parents started having kids when they were around 20 and got married early. It's rare I hear of people starting later.
 
I wouldn't feel concerned about it. You aren't strange at all. Not everyone has children or wants them. Are you sure you are the ONLY person there without kids? That actually seems kind of surprising, unless there aren't many employees.

You know, there are very likely times when they will look at you and be jealous that you don't have any kids. You get to do what you want, when you want, etc etc. Not all the time, of course, but probably a bit envious a time or two.
 
This is something that's probably the norm for non-parents to experience around parents. The gift of raising & child & the responsibility that goes with it is going to change anyone into those parent figures. I know that feeling of feeling immature around people my own age who are parents, or finding little in common with them, but it's nothing to worry about. If anyone does think anything of you then they may well not be worth knowing (speaking from experience).

The plus side of not having kids is that that you get the chance to experience things that your parent friends won't, like education & travel, & much more!
 
I'm in the same position as you are, depression at a young age caused me to miss out on allot of things, and I believe that even after recovering from depression I missed certain windows/key moments in life so a new struggle begins, one to make up for the all experiences you missed out on, one to close the gap that's been created while in depression, it is this gap that makes me feel like others don't take me seriously at times.

When I moved into the home I live in about 4 years ago the whole street was filled with young couples (a few years younger than me most of them), only 2 of them had a child/children out of the 12 homes, now only a few years later only 3 homes haven't, mine and 2 other single guys.
I don't even have a girlfriend so I don't see myself getting any closer to crossing that divide between my position in life and that of my peers.

People change when they have kids, I can't meet up with a few neighbours having a talk on a sunny day because it's always about the kids and school, about playdates, new toys and whatnot, I just feel uncomfortable and yes... ever so uninterrested. I can't blame them though because i'm the one that's staying behind the curve...

Be the best you that you can be, demand respect and treatment as an equal, not having a child does not make one a childand noone has the right to belittle you foryour life choices and past troubles!
 
I don't think it's strange at all. :] It's actually kinda common that nowadays people are delaying the starting of the family later to the future, because of the current economical issues what countries have etc. You're not strange in any way, so please don't worry about it. People have more freedom to choose in this current society that do they want to have children someday or not, thanks for the modern technology.

To be honest, I don't want to have children in this lifetime and it's awesome that it's more possible nowadays to make a decision like that (especially as a woman!).

I'm also trying to heal all those scars from the past and being a woman in her 20's... You know, we still have our whole life ahead of us, even if it would feel like being ''behind'' all the others because not experienced ''the normal things'' what most people do in their 20's like starting a family, getting married, starting own career etc. Truth is that life doesn't work like that, since everyone's life story is unique and it's only for them to live it and make it to their own. Make your own story, not like what others expect it to be.
 
You've got time, just be glad you're not in your forties yet, unmarried, single, and no children.
 
Sci-Fi said:
You've got time, just be glad you're not in your forties yet, unmarried, single, and no children.

HEY HEY HEY 
How does that song go ...... two out of three aint bad  :rolleyes:
 
Tealeaf said:
I started at a new workplace recently and one thing I noticed is that, except for two men, all my coworkers are women. Another thing I noticed: they're all parents. They talk about their children, their children's problems, keep in touch on social media, etc.

Meanwhile I'm getting on in my 20's, unmarried, single, no children. Trying to rebuild my life after depression. I feel almost like a child myself next to them.

Is it seen as strange to be this way? I wonder sometimes what people think of me.


Hi Tealeaf,
When I was trying to rebuild my life after depression - I felt the same as you. My colleagues were talking about their relationships, kids, and would make comments "Oh when you're older you'll know" and would chit-chat together about life experiences that I couldn't relate to.
I felt like a child next to them as well.

Now that I do have a child, I don't necessarily feel more "mature" and I don't look down or different at those that are childless. 

I do think that your perception is likely wrong...you're just at a different stage that everyone else has been at one point in their lives.
 
Tealeaf said:
I started at a new workplace recently and one thing I noticed is that, except for two men, all my coworkers are women. Another thing I noticed: they're all parents. They talk about their children, their children's problems, keep in touch on social media, etc.

Meanwhile I'm getting on in my 20's, unmarried, single, no children. Trying to rebuild my life after depression. I feel almost like a child myself next to them.

Is it seen as strange to be this way? I wonder sometimes what people think of me.

Consider this:  if we continue to compare ourselves with other people who seem to have more, we will never be satisfied with what we do have.
 
I think people have kids way to young, and you're only in your mid 20's so I wouldn't worry about it. Of course it can feel like you're missing out on something if everyone else is talking about it but you're doing yourself a favor by waiting until you're in a better place in life. If it's something that feels akward in social situations you can simply just turn the focus back on everyone else, it's inevitable that someone will ask you about it at some point so having a short response prepared will cut out any nervous responses or anything.

I'm a guy in my early 30's and I don't have any kids, I work with other guys who do and my supervisor always talked about his to me, showing me videos of him playing the drums, etc. I could tell he really loved his son but I couldn't relate to eveything he was saying or share any stories since of course I don't have kids, I always found that a bit akward but I mostly shift the focus back onto them or something.
 
I'm not sure if it's seen as being strange but there are some people from the same strata as your co-workers who will treat you as some kind of inferior because you're unmarried, unattached and have no children.

My eldest sister is like this. When a relative of ours was on their deathbed earlier this year, she spent the whole time, about five days, telling anyone who would listen that she was taking time away from her husband, her children and her job to be there. I tried to be kind one day and commiserate with her about the whole ordeal cutting into her life and she rounded on me and accused me of being incapable of understanding because I 'only had to look out for myself'. She seemed to forget that I had spent the better part of a year at that point looking after this relative while she generally shirked her responsibilities and did very little to help, but that was irrelevant to her because I didn't have a family or a career of my own and she did.

There are many married people with families who are friendly and unassuming people but in any crowd like that you'll always get a few who will pre-judge you based on your current life circumstances. I find it's generally better to shrug it off and move on with your day than give them any more than a moment's pause.
 
lifestream said:
I'm not sure if it's seen as being strange but there are some people from the same strata as your co-workers who will treat you as some kind of inferior because you're unmarried, unattached and have no children.  

My eldest sister is like this.  When a relative of ours was on their deathbed earlier this year, she spent the whole time, about five days, telling anyone who would listen that she was taking time away from her husband, her children and her job to be there.  I tried to be kind one day and commiserate with her about the whole ordeal cutting into her life and she rounded on me and accused me of being incapable of understanding because I 'only had to look out for myself'.  She seemed to forget that I had spent the better part of a year at that point looking after this relative while she generally shirked her responsibilities and did very little to help, but that was irrelevant to her because I didn't have a family or a career of my own and she did.

There are many married people with families who are friendly and unassuming people but in any crowd like that you'll always get a few who will pre-judge you based on your current life circumstances.  I find it's generally better to shrug it off and move on with your day than give them any more than a moment's pause.

+1
 
Tealeaf said:
I started at a new workplace recently and one thing I noticed is that, except for two men, all my coworkers are women. Another thing I noticed: they're all parents. They talk about their children, their children's problems, keep in touch on social media, etc.

Meanwhile I'm getting on in my 20's, unmarried, single, no children. Trying to rebuild my life after depression. I feel almost like a child myself next to them.

Is it seen as strange to be this way? I wonder sometimes what people think of me.

"What people think of me is none of my business" is a phrase that has helped me not worry so much when it comes to the environment in which I don't fit. I have no children and I have always had people at any job or in my businesses who just can't stop talking about their kids. I listen to an extent but then I personally set limits and do my job or my business. I have felt best in work situations where people simply focus on their work and not so much on family discussions. As a young person, you will be surrounded by many parents, but you can't let this bother you. Many jobs will have people who are older than you, and very likely to have their own families. Now again, why they have time to discuss those at work, that's something I can't tell you because I don't know your job :).  Use your job to learn and to grow. Set goals that you find important for your self-development. Your goals don't have to match their goals, as soon as you have good team work required to do the job well. The likeminded people are usually found outside of the job, once you know your life goals. You can still benefit by learning from your colleagues, but understand that most people have no interests outside of their immediate necessities. This is what makes their conversations limited.
 

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