Has anyone ever had bullies at work?

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
M

MyTherapyisALL

Guest
I bumped into 2 former colleagues and 1 of them was a popular, extroverted female that indirectly bullied me at work. When I worked with her, I overheard her badmouthing me to others, telling them that I'm weird, that I should be doing more etc. That's a real hoot because I worked more hours than anyone else and my manager constantly praised me for my work as well as my other colleagues. Any events that occured post-work were arranged by her and I was always purposely excluded. 

When I left my old workplace, I felt that I left on a positive note. Although I didn't have "friends" from work, people respected me for my strong work ethic, knowledge and they praised me for my contributions.

Fast-forward several years, I bumped into this person at my new workplace...found out we work in the same building. She was very chilly, had negative body language, looked angry while I tried to be friendly and smiled at her. She was with another colleague that I used to talk to all of the time and that colleague was just as equally chilly and pretended not to see me at first.

I found out from small talk that they work at the unit that I hope to get a job at one day. 

I can't help but feel nervous for the future if I want to advance and pursue that job that I would be ostracized again like I was at my old workplace. She has friends and family in management and is popular. When I worked with her, I overheard her a lot (she talks loudly) and it was always badmouthing her friends or people. She's also the type of person to pursue "vengeance" and is quite catty from the conversations that I've overheard. All she ever talks about is people, and everyone is so interested to listen! I can't help but feel that she must have been talking lots about me since I left the job and for my once-friendly colleague to blatantly ignore me all of a sudden.

I really hope I don't run into any more former colleagues because they don't truly know me, but it seems that she's friends with many of them. I notice in female friendships, if 1 person doesn't like another...they will spread rumours, gossip, lies about that other person and try to get everyone to turn against them. Those "followers" often lack an independent mind of their own to think..."Why don't I ask this other person if she truly said that?" "Why don't I get to know that other person?" "Is this information true?" etc. Then they just end up hating and being mean to someone that they don't even know. I speak from personal experience as a SURVIVOR of countless years of bullying.

I'm just not sure what to think. I really want the job, but I feel nervous about potentially walking in and strangers hating me from the first impression or having to relive being ostracized and badmouthed. Another thing is that it's much higher position than the one that I have and I feel that it's unfair that mean people are rewarded and surrounded by friends. I am a good person but I can't seem to find anyone that reaches back when I reach out...
 
Being bullied at work is the worst, I had two bosses who liked to bully their employees, and one would say nasty things about the others behind their back to the other employees. He was a real grade A sack of crap.
 
I am employed by one. I've actually walked out of my job twice, as a result of it. For some reason, the last time I went back, I just started finding humor in the stupid honeysuckle she was saying. Unfortunately, she can't keep many other staff members.
 
Sci, since you're writing in past tense...that's good news that you don't work for them anymore!

Amy, are you staying in your job because there are no other options? I had a nasty boss that'd cuss at people whenever she was unhappy with her personal life...took me about 1 year to find another job and when I did find another one - boy, I ran like hell! haha
 
I've been offered other jobs. The thing is I make a good amount in wages at this one, and to be honest...I find her crap kind of funny. Once you realize that she's full of it. And secretly, I'm hoping to be employed long enough to see someone knock her on her behind.
 
At a call centre job I was working in about two years ago, there was one woman who was totally two faced. Let's call her "A." She could be friendly with someone for months and then decide to turn on them. She'd be openly rude to you, email about you and talk about you behind your back. Then, after months of being cold, she'd randomly give you some fudge she'd made or something. I also noticed that she didn't seem to have any reservations whatsoever about dealing with angry phone calls from the public, like it didn't phase her like it would most people (this was a relatively high stress environment). Almost like she just didn't have the general sense of fear or reservation that most people do. She came from a wealthy family but I think one of her brothers killed himself and the other one was a drug addict or something.

Around the time A turned on me, there was another lady in our team who I was friends with. I thought that the two of them were friends as well but it turned out that A hated her and sent her all these horrible emails and may have played a role in splitting her up with her partner who was also in the team and also had a falling out with A not long after I left that job. A was also an expert at sucking up to our team leader (who wasn't the nicest lady on the planet herself) who I suspect was actually pretty unaware that one person was managing to poison a team environment significantly.

I'm pretty convinced that there was something wrong with A, she wasn't normal that's for sure.
 
I have a coworker that talks honeysuckle about everyone , EVERYONE
He is also a chuckle head so he is nice to your face and laughs like Fire Marshal Bob from SNL
Pretty much everyone thinks he is an idiot
 
She sounds hot, in my experience only hot people can talk crap about everyone and everyting and still get ahead in the workplace of those putting in the real work, once they get older and looks start to fade they are inevitably struck by reality, or more like getting run over by it asif it were a freight train, it's probably little comfort though.
 
I was bullied for 10 years. We both work in the same place but I no longer work for him. I go to lunch every day at 11 AM to miss him in the cafeteria and I asked my bosses to "divorce" me from any association with him. They did. My work is suburb. Now he can't get to me so he helps a colleague bully a friend of mine.

My advice -- the only way to live is to avoid bullies. If they get any access to you they will bully you. If you can leave, do it. If you can minimize involvement with them, do it. I gave this advice to my bullied friend and she didn't listen. She is paying the price.

There are movements to get laws signed to make workplace bulling illegal. On the one hand, seems like it could be helpful mostly because now a lot of law suits are filed under other theories but the behavior is really bullying. But for the moment it is perfectly legal.
 
I've witnessed bullying at work, oh yes, but I was never the victim....nor was I the bully, I was one of the rest of the team who saw it and didn't do anything about it. I'm sorry about that.
 
I wonder if the effectiveness of the bully is based on the current feelings and/or circumstances of those being bullied. In others words, what's worst, to be trapped in a cage and continuously poked with a stick, or to be out in the open air and some jerk comes up to you and tries to poke you with a stick? For example, when I was being bullied two years ago during a group vacation in New York City, I was struggling romantically and he (an 18-year old from Belgium and me an 33-year old Hispanic-American) was throwing it my face that he could get with anyone. I was so sensitive to his bullying. But now, after having my true first romance but losing it and, currently, I have an amazing woman in my life, if he would have tried to bully me now with that same crap, it would have no effect. The worst thing to do to a bully is not revenge (violence and slander is never the answer) but to just calmly and firmly ignore them, or just politely smile and passively laugh it off. That takes real strength and intestinal fortitude.
 
morgandollar said:
I wonder if the effectiveness of the bully is based on the current feelings and/or circumstances of those being bullied. 

I think it is far worse when you are trapped in the circumstances were you have to get poked. I used to work with a bully and the thing was... all the people that worked with me, saw that the way to gain favor and keep the bully off them, was to throw me under the bus... or, trump up some sort of error to distract him.

For me that was the worst part. The gaggle of evil that surrounded me. The enablers.   In a way I thought they were worst than the bully as if they wouldn't put up with it it wouldn't have happened. 

Yesterday one of those enablers came back. She came back to enjoy an x-mas party at the workplace.  I heard her voice and I had to run away because frankly, I just wanted to yell at her now that I was freed from consequences. But it bothered me all day long. Felt like I had been poked again.
 
"The gaggle of evil...." eh? "...they were worse than the bully...." eh? Well I guess in the workplace I was one of those enablers.

I don't think I threw anyone under the bus, I just looked the other way and pretended i didn't see. But I'm still put to shame.

This forum can be an uncomfortable learning experience sometimes.
 
constant stranger said:
"The gaggle of evil...." eh?  "...they were worse than the bully...." eh?  Well I guess in the workplace I was one of those enablers.

Well it depends on what you did. My enablers would find out they did something wrong and trump up a mistake I supposedly made so that there could be a blow up and then they would slip in that they made an error too. When I wanted to not show up to their parties (which no one wanted to attend) they would cry to the bully that I was ruining it and he would make me go. 

Then we had my managers that knew he was a bully but stubbornly refused to help and "mobbed" me to keep me so full with meetings and discipline meetings that I couldn't get my work done.  They pretended I was a problem that needed discipline but the message was... keep him happy or we will make your life hell. 

But then, last but not least we have people who didn't do anything and yes... I do think it was a moral failing. Now I have a friend at work being bullied and I can't do anything directly but I have refused to help the bully and I have offered to assist with the bullied person's work so that there NEVER will be a moment where her work isn't done to perfection. I enjoy thwarting the bully. And finally, I bad mouth him to people who are likely to gossip. As a substantial part of his job is his reputation. 

I will never forget a good person who lost it one day when my bully was bullying me and without directly saying it... she lambasted him until he looked like he was going to cry. She had enough.  Probably saved me 6 months of abuse. 

But most people didn't.. and today... I don't talk to them.
 
I have a good friend who was bullied at her job and she handled it in a fantastic way. I hope this information will be helpful here. First, she directly told the bully to stop. The bully did not stop. Then my colleague went up the chain of command and informed her manager of the bullying behavior. No result. One more step up the chain of command. Some motion occurred but still nothing that made it clear to the bully that her behavior would not be tolerated. THEN my colleague went civil and sued the company for hostile work environment. At that point the immediate manager was demoted and sent to a different department in the company, and the bully was given two options: get fired or resign immediately. She chose to resign. Sometimes you cannot simply avoid the bullies. You have to learn to deal with them. Because if we don't, we simply enable them more. It becomes the same as in middle or high school.
 
AlexD said:
I have a good friend who was bullied at her job and she handled it in a fantastic way. I hope this information will be helpful here. First, she directly told the bully to stop. The bully did not stop. Then my colleague went up the chain of command and informed her manager of the bullying behavior. No result. One more step up the chain of command. Some motion occurred but still nothing that made it clear to the bully that her behavior would not be tolerated. THEN my colleague went civil and sued the company for hostile work environment. At that point the immediate manager was demoted and sent to a different department in the company, and the bully was given two options: get fired or resign immediately. She chose to resign. Sometimes you cannot simply avoid the bullies. You have to learn to deal with them. Because if we don't, we simply enable them more. It becomes the same as in middle or high school.

I am sorry Alex... I disagree completely. Hostile work environment is not a basis for a law suit. Hostile work environment is ONLY connected to sexual harassment. At least in the US. If your friend lucked out doing this. She lucked out. But I have TONS Of law suits in front of me that are misguided and will be dismissed. It is always sad when someone quits and files suit and really doesn't get much at all. I am currently a supporter of a movement to get an independent cause of action for workplace bulling. But even that is a double edge sword. I saw a story about a man fired for age discrimination who when he brought  suit was accused of being a bully.
 
LonelySutton said:
[...] I am currently a supporter of a movement to get an independent cause of action for workplace bulling. [...]

Good luck! Bringing these cases into the open takes courage and determination - unfortunately, all too often the victim is seen as the problem.
 
I really hate bullies because they are so weak. School and/or work already has their challenges. But when a person decides to single one or even a few people out, it proves that they themselves are not strong enough to handle all the typical pressures of school or work. So they get their "strength" by humiliating someone they feel is inferior. As the old saying goes, "Knowledge is power." Some time ago, a DJ tried to shake me down on a cancelled event. At first, I was going to pay ($1,400) to avoid any potential problems. But first, I decided to ask my friend who is a lawyer if the contract that was signed if it was indeed ironclad and it was not. He told me to tell the DJ, that unless he has proof that he has indeed incurred $1,400 of expenses in addition to the initial deposit, then that is considered UNJUST ENRICHMENT and therefore I am not liable for the remaining $1,400. He was so angry but there was nothing he could do. Gain a understanding of our current situation. Ask yourself, "Am I bullied? Am I being harassed? Is this a hostile work environment? What does the law actually say?" Arm yourself for a figurative fight ... do not run into a battle with an empty pistol and NEVER run away ... because you will always be running away.
 
LonelySutton said:
AlexD said:
I have a good friend who was bullied at her job and she handled it in a fantastic way. I hope this information will be helpful here. First, she directly told the bully to stop. The bully did not stop. Then my colleague went up the chain of command and informed her manager of the bullying behavior. No result. One more step up the chain of command. Some motion occurred but still nothing that made it clear to the bully that her behavior would not be tolerated. THEN my colleague went civil and sued the company for hostile work environment. At that point the immediate manager was demoted and sent to a different department in the company, and the bully was given two options: get fired or resign immediately. She chose to resign. Sometimes you cannot simply avoid the bullies. You have to learn to deal with them. Because if we don't, we simply enable them more. It becomes the same as in middle or high school.

I am sorry Alex... I disagree completely. Hostile work environment is not a basis for a law suit. Hostile work environment is ONLY connected to sexual harassment. At least in the US. If your friend lucked out doing this. She lucked out. But I have TONS Of law suits in front of me that are misguided and will be dismissed. It is always sad when someone quits and files suit and really doesn't get much at all. I am currently a supporter of a movement to get an independent cause of action for workplace bulling. But even that is a double edge sword. I saw a story about a man fired for age discrimination who when he brought  suit was accused of being a bully.
This is ridiculous.  It worked well for the person that I know. I am glad you are a part of this movement. But I have known other people who've addressed their bullies successfully, too. You just don't let them be, with or without a movement. Perhaps my friend had an awesome lawyer. But she is still employed there, last I heard, it's been several years now. I have question for you, so I can learn. If workplace hostility is not a basis for a law suit, then how come so many corporations brainwash you during employee orientation week about them being a hostility-free company? Is it possible there have been more than one law suit because of bullying? I am just wondering what you think.
 
Suing someone for a hostile work environment usually has to fall under you legals systems definition of harassment like race, color, gender, religion, disability, sexual preference, etc. It can be tricky but not unheard of but without meeting certain criteria it is unlikely a lawsuit would be successful.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top