I hate that I can be so insenstive.

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Restless soul

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I think this is a perfect topic. And someone the other day complained I post too much. Well I like to post when something is fresh on my mind. So I can really get the message across. 

Anyway there is a friend of mine, well we were the misery loves company type of friends. Anyway a year ago he had a unfortunate accident which rendered him imobile with little feeling in his legs and arms. So to not go into too much detail.  And to make a long story short. Before the accident we didn't speak much. After we didn't speak much, but I did go to visit him a few times. So today he calls me on whatsapp video. Something I never do or use. As a matter of fact  I avoid video conference like the plague due to my own insecuritie like seeing myself.  So this guy calls me using this feature. And it right away triggers my insecurities.  Keep in mind i didnt always get a long with this guy so well

My point is due to my issues. The issues I had with this guy in the past. Isn't interesting how even though he is in a less fortunate situation than me how I can still react to him in such a hostile manner when he called me becuse i didnt like that feature. Don't you find that interesting??
 
I think that you are overthinking it and we all feel what we feel. Under the cloud of depression and loneliness - it can be hard to think of others. Don't be so hard on yourself for this. You acknowledge your issues and that's a good step..
 
MyTherapyisALL said:
I think that you are overthinking it and we all feel what we feel. Under the cloud of depression and loneliness - it can be hard to think of others. Don't be so hard on yourself for this. You acknowledge your issues and that's a good step..

Yes, I did distance myself from this person before his aaccident.  I feel i do better alone away from people who rubbed me the wrong way, unfortunately that is a lot of people he was one of them. So what does someone do?
 
What issues did you have with him?

I've read courageous stories where people who are severely injured/ had a near-death life experience change after the event. It sometimes takes a harsh awakening for someone to really look at themselves and how they want to live. You say he was "misery loves company" type of person...maybe he is a different person now.

It seems that he did think of you and must have liked you enough to want to see and talk to you. Can you let go of the past or was what he did very unforgiveable? Do you really "know" him for who he is now? Perhaps if you give him another chance you may find a friend in him...?
 
I am still on friendly terms. I just think the combination of my issues now, and the issues I had with him in past. Can still set me off to a degree like it did now with the video call thing.
 
Is there a setting to block calls on whatsapp? I don't care for voice chatting on apps like that either.
 
RS, you can just call/text him back and say that you couldn't video call at that time. What is this "past" that you have that you want to distance yourself from? Did you do something bad? Or are you trying to start a clean slate? I don't understand why you do not want to talk to him? It doesn't hurt to have a small conversation. Even though you have issues, so does everyone else. I think connecting with your friends (if you consider him that) will help - unless they are toxic, of course.
 
Meaning my male friends were toxic one way or the other. I don't have any friends really that I keep in touch with. This guy was a rare exception due to him being single still. But other than that peronality wise didnt jibe
 
I did text him right away telling him not to use that app. But i felt hostile when I did it
 
Ah well, hope you find some new friends. It's hard making friends. I've been trying for the past 10 years and people come and go through revolving doors. Wishing you back some luck...
 
MyTherapyisALL said:
Ah well, hope you find some new friends. It's hard making friends. I've been trying for the past 10 years and people come and go through revolving doors. Wishing you back some luck...

Thanks. I hear ya. But read some of my other threads i started will give you some insight. Like my painfully insecure thread. That plays a huge part in how I reacted tonight
 
Restless soul said:
Isn't interesting how even though he is in a less fortunate situation than me how I can still react to him in such a hostile manner when he called me becuse i didnt like that feature. Don't you find that interesting??

No, sounds pretty common to me, not particularly interesting. Triggers are triggers regardless of the triggerer`s situation.

Meaning my male friends were toxic one way or the other.

What are your expectations from a (male) friend? Are you flexible with them? Idk, for someone to be toxic, you need a certain degree of closeness with them. Was that a result of you opening up to them?

I did text him right away telling him not to use that app. But i felt hostile when I did it

Well, telling someone what to do or not to do, just like that, without an explanation, seems a bit hostile to me too. But if you explained it to him, he probably won`t use that app feature again.

How are you feeling today?
 
zero said:
Restless soul said:
Isn't interesting how even though he is in a less fortunate situation than me how I can still react to him in such a hostile manner when he called me becuse i didnt like that feature. Don't you find that interesting??

No, sounds pretty common to me, not particularly interesting. Triggers are triggers regardless of the triggerer`s situation.

Meaning my male friends were toxic one way or the other.

What are your expectations from a (male) friend? Are you flexible with them? Idk, for someone to be toxic, you need a certain degree of closeness with them. Was that a result of you opening up to them?

I did text him right away telling him not to use that app. But i felt hostile when I did it

Well, telling someone what to do or not to do, just like that, without an explanation, seems a bit hostile to me too. But if you explained it to him, he probably won`t use that app feature again.

How are you feeling today?
Yes, true. A lot of the way I react is solely related to a lot of the things I deal with that I vent about here. That is an issue in day to day interactions. Being the painfully insecure person That I am can affect you in all areas of life. Still figuring out. How to have thicker skin. Stronger self-image. Seems immposible
 
zero said:
Restless soul said:
Isn't interesting how even though he is in a less fortunate situation than me how I can still react to him in such a hostile manner when he called me becuse i didnt like that feature. Don't you find that interesting??

No, sounds pretty common to me, not particularly interesting. Triggers are triggers regardless of the triggerer`s situation.

Meaning my male friends were toxic one way or the other.

What are your expectations from a (male) friend? Are you flexible with them? Idk, for someone to be toxic, you need a certain degree of closeness with them. Was that a result of you opening up to them?

I did text him right away telling him not to use that app. But i felt hostile when I did it

Well, telling someone what to do or not to do, just like that, without an explanation, seems a bit hostile to me too. But if you explained it to him, he probably won`t use that app feature again.

How are you feeling today?

It's interesting how one's fragile mental state cannot even adjust when someone who is in a worse physical and most likely mental state than yours does something that irritates you. That is how strong it is
 
This has given me an idea. How about keeping a mood journal? And a list of rewards you can choose from for every positive mood change/ improvement. You don`t sound insensitive to me, but that again you know best, since it is directly linked to your expectations of yourself and others. It is a pity that you torment yourself like this, really.
 

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